I wonder if they feel like I felt?
Friday, March 20, 2009
I was in the grocery store today and I was walking behind two obese ladies who could have been sisters. These ladies were dressed in tight jeans and revealing little tops and were buying pastries and cakes from the bakery counter.
I couldn't help but wonder whether they didn't feel like I felt when I was 231lbs, which was embarrassed, uncomfortable, exhausted and sick. I would never ever have worn what they were wearing as I was too humiliated about how big my arms [and everything else] was. So does that mean they're fine with what they look like?
And it's not just about looks, what about their health? And their joints that strain under all that weight, to which they seem to be adding with more baked goods.
Don't get me wrong, I wasn't looking at them in judgment but in confusion. Why would someone choose to be that overweight and still flaunt it? Why not try to be healthy? I have changed so much as a person over the past year, inside and outside and I couldn't imagine going back to where I was. Where these two ladies are now.
I wished there was a way I could help them, give them advice, refer them to Spark! But I knew that would be offensive and possibly quite embarrassing to them, so I of course said nothing.
I feel very sad for these two ladies, but if getting healthy and losing weight is ever something they want for themselves and their future, I would wish them all the best. It's not an easy decision to make and an even more difficult choice to continue living with for the rest of your life, but it was such a dramatic moment in my life that I wish that for everyone.
I wonder too what they see when they look in the mirror. Do they hate themselves as much as I did or are they happy with their reflection, regardless of the size? I was never happy being fat, but I guess some people are.
But weight aside, I'm still more concerned about their health than anything else. And if they are sisters, they are probably genetically predisposed to being overweight and if they're BOTH making regular visits to the bakery counter, it's probably unlikely that either of them would encourage the other to lose weight. And what if the one lost weight and the other didn't? Imagine the sibling rivalry and jealousy!
I guess there's a lot more to their particular dynamic than I'll ever know or understand. But I go back to wondering whether they feel like I felt and if so, I really hope they're able to get out of that negative pattern.