There is no QUIT in me!!!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
My Battle Cry:
I AM NOT AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER I AM A THREAT TO MY ENEMY
I AM POWERFUL I AM STRATEGIC AND BOLD I WILL NOT SIT IDLELY BY I WILL TAKE GROUND AND I WILL ADVANCE.
I WILL TEAR THROUGH MY ENEMY AND MY ENEMY WILL HATE ME
I WILL NOT AVOID THE DIFFICULT FIGHT.
I WILL FIGHT I WILL BE WOUNDED I WILL BE TARGETED AND I WILL BLEED I WILL NOT TIRE AND MY WOUNDS WILL BE HEALED
I WILL SEE TRAGEDY AND I WILL FEEL PAIN BUT I WILL BE RESTORED. MY FEET WILL NOT STUMBLE MY HANDS WILL HOLD FAST AND I WILL NOT BE INTIMIDATED!
I CANNOT BE STOPPED I WILL STAND BY MY BROTHERS IN ARMS
I WILL FIGHT UNTIL MY LAST BREATH I WILL PUSH THE LIMITS
I WILL SCALE THE MOUNTAINS MY ENEMY WILL COWER FOR I SERVE A GREAT KING!!!!
No matter what we do in this life its a fight. Whether its a weight issue, family issue, addiction issue, depression issue, etc. We must never quit no matter what life throws at us. We must stay determined and disciplined to the tasks at hand. I have never given up on anything except my weight. I finally asked myself why is it that I can deal, solve and fight with anything life throws at me except my weight? What was the wall that I had built up that I couldn't seem to knock down? What was I afraid of? Ahh, a light bulb went on and the answer was fear. The fear of failing, the fear of losing the weight just to put it back on, the fear of intimacy, the fear of change and the fear of life itself.
Then the Holy Spirit reminded me of a scripture which says:
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness".
What an awesome scripture this is, it made me realize that there's nothing or no one to fear as long as I have the Lord by my side. The Holy Spirit also revealed to me that I was using my weight to hide from people. I knew that being obese people did not want nothing to do with me; its like I had some horrible disease that if they got to close to me they might catch it. I knew I didn't have to answer to anyone, I didn't have to deal with being hurt by comments made, I didn't have to deal with people staring at me, and I didn't have to deal with them saying "What are we going to do with Carol" so I hid myself from the world through my weight.
I thought I had it all figured out stay fat and hide from the world and you wont get hurt. But I didn't realize there was a price to pay and that price was called loneliness. I had convinced myself that it was alright to be lonely and that it didn't bother me. I lied to myself it did bother me. I had let half of my life go by, by being obese and hiding from people and myself just because I was afraid. Fear has a way of taking away your life and that's what happened to me. I can do 1 or 2 things:
1. Feel sorry for myself and stay fat because I'm 48yrs old and I let half my life go by and I have no husband, or children something that I desire deep in my heart.....or
2. Start making a life for myself without fear, and getting rid of the weight, without quitting when it gets hard, without letting other peoples opinions matter of who and what I am.
This is who I am:
I am a fighter and will always be a fighter and for the first time in my life I am fighting for me all the way. Why because I have no more fear, the Lord has shown me that:
"Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine".
I read that scripture and I broke down and cried and I thought he has called ME BY MY NAME!! even at 420lbs and then on top of all of that he said I WAS HIS!!
No man has ever said that to me and accepted me just the way I was and here is the Lord saying to me at my heaviest that I WAS HIS!! I cant help but cry as I write this because I remember the feeling of his awesome love all around me and instead of feeling lonely and scared I was filled with gratitude and thankfulness.
He has taken me from the shadows of my loneliness and fear and put me in his light, his light of love, joy and happiness.
"I am come a light into the world, that whosoever believeth on me should not abide in darkness.
THERE IS NO QUIT IN ME, THERE IS NO MORE HIDING, NO MORE FEAR, NO MORE LIVING IN DARKNESS. Thank you Jesus for loving me just the way I am
Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all of the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me your strength inside me
All of my life Ive been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like you
Now that your here, now that Ive found you
I know that your the one to pull me through
Deliver me loving and caring
Deliver me giving and sharing
Deliver me this cross that Im bearing
Jesus Jesus how I trust you
how Ive proved you o'er and o'er
Jesus Jesus precious Jesus
Come and pull me through
(Deliver Me by David Crowder Band)
Jesus first now and forever