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searching for signs of life but there's nobody home...

Friday, January 23, 2009

not a great day today.
infact, i feel like a total failure.

it began well enough. i got up, did 35 minutes of working out, then just felt like crap and layed back down for a half an hour. i know i am sick--i so felt it last night--but come on. i wanted this to be a good week, wanted to keep up momentum.
yes, i know i should rest and all that but i dont want to.

after i got up, i did another half hour before i went shopping with my mom.
we had a good time. i suggested just getting a slice of pizza but she wanted to go to the olive garden, so thats where we went.
not that i was complaining.

its not about the olive garden food.
if im going there, im getting what i want, eating what i want with no regrets.
ive come to grips with eating out.

what i havent come to grips with is getting a box of 100 calorie oreo cakesters and eating the whole stupid box in approximately 3.5 minutes.
500 calories in oreo cakesters.

the good news is that i didnt get a donut. every week i want a donut and peruse them. this week i was set on getting one donut and was deciding which kind i wanted, and i realized there was a mirror behind the donuts.
i stood there and looked at myself, asked myself if this is what i wanted.
the answer was no.

then i got home, couldnt get into contact with r. and wasnt sure if his friend was coming over, so i ran around cleaning.
only to find out the friend wasnt coming over.

then r. just went downstairs to play videogames ---it was about 20 after nine. i was going to finish my working out, since i had another hour but i got about 3 minutes in and decided:
a--im beat
b--im sick--just really achey right now, nose running and sore throat, and ear ache but not terribly, just......about 50% feeling awful.
c-i really want to play animal crossing.

but its like the entire time im going to be playing im going to be thinking i should be working out.

i deserve a break sometimes too. i am good at telling people to give themselves a break, not beat themselves down, but somehow its different with me. not that i dont deserve a break but im scared if i give myself that pass, that break, i wont begin again.

tomorrow no excuses.
sick or not.
and there are no more cakesters thank goodness. they have now gone on my list of things i cant be trusted around.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • VIANA1
    Sorry I don't check in more often. I can't believe you got below 100 kilos (220 lbs). CONGRATULATIONS! That is my big goal but I've been slacking lately.
    3371 days ago
    Thank you! Your comments on my blog made my day!
    emoticon I thought I had subscribed to your blog but I hadn't. (I'll remedy that in a minute). I'm sorry you're having a bad day. And I totally sympathize with you about the 100 calorie snacks; I can't be trusted around ANY of them. Hope you're back to 100% asap.
    3371 days ago
    EVIL CAKESTERS!!!! I am sorry that their evil powers tried to take you hostage! You escaped, though.

    I hope you get some rest, girl. I know its easier to tell people to rest than it is to do it yourself. I didn't workout today because I am sore, but I feel like I gained 5 pounds because of it, and I know that's not true.

    You are doing great, Dee! I am glad that you went to Olive Garden and ate what you want. It's important to enjoy life...and sometimes life includes Olive Garden ;-) And awesome job with saying no to the donut!!!

    I really hope you get to feeling better soon! Rest up!
    3371 days ago
  • KIWI122
    You do deserve to take the day off from haven't been feeling well for several days now. Take care and hope you feel much better!! I know how you feel with those cakesters--my downfall this morning was blueberry muffins I made for my bf....I ate four of them. emoticon
    3371 days ago
  • ~*KIMMI*~
    I would have demolished the cakesters too. I hate jelly beans and totally found myself eating them yesterday. WTH? I also ate donuts today and just realized reading your blog that there are some left in the kitchen... Quick Dee - come save me from them!! ;)

    Yeah, you need to give yourself a break. You know you do. I am the same exact way... it is always easy for me to tell others to go easy and a completely different thing to do it myself... I think I am my worst enemy at times.

    I think you did awesome btw.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3371 days ago
    I'm so sorry you're feeling sick! Ugh. I hate that. I hope it passes quickly and that you can do your workouts. stinking oreo cakesters. there are just some things out there that are evil. those demonic, delicious cakesters fall in that category. I do the same, but at least you gave up the donut! Get some rest, tho. Pls don't push yourself too hard. You can get back into your routine after you recover. I know you can. Just take care for now and when you feel better you'll be ready to blast below 200 pounds. I hope you're resting, girl. I'll be thinking about you and hoping you'll be better soon.
    3372 days ago
  • JBMT08
    you should nurse yourself back to health. Please take those thoughts of inadequacy out of your mind for 1 day! When we get sick, this is our body telling us that we need to slow down and take care of it. Sometimes that means not working out as hard, or actually not working out. Sometimes if it is a light cold, it feels good to work out because you will sweat it out. But from what you have been describing, I think it would benefit you to actually take one whole day to nurse your body back to health, so you can take on ms. leslie and friends (DVD's). Sorry to be preachy.....I hope you feel better soon!
    J. emoticon
    3372 days ago
    Hey, its time to rest...
    No Guilt, No Excuses...Rest!!
    Many times the best thing we can do is NOTHING!!!
    Schedule it, Mark it on the Calendar, Unplug the phone, someway...somehow, REST!!
    Close your eyes...
    and simply rest...

    Hope things get better. emoticon
    3372 days ago
    Sounds like you need a BREAK & REST. If you do not allow yourself a break you may burn out. In fact, you may be getting sick because you're run down. You are committed to improving your health. Rest is part of the improvement process. I am proud of you for talking your way through the donut moment & realizing your trigger foods.

    3372 days ago
    Hey, if you're sick listen to what your body is telling you and just get still. You need the rest, and trying to do your normal activities when your immune system is outta whack will just make it worse. Believe me, I know how it is to be on a serious roll and get stopped in your tracks by illness, but there's nothing you can do except let your body have the rest and recuperation time it needs. I hope you feel better soon!

    3372 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/23/2009 10:55:14 PM
    alright friend, you are sick but you worked out when you were sick! So you slipped a little on the food- 500 calories is not the worst you could have done. did you know the angry whopper at burger king is almost 900 calories???? It could have been worse! feel better!
    3372 days ago
    I'm sorry the cakesters got you. :( I admire how you pick yourself up and move on. It's really inspiring! I also want to encourage you (strongly) to give your body a break. You need to get better!
    3372 days ago
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