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using food to fill the void

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

well since i have decided to go after the gastric bypass surgery ( assuming my surgeon and insurance say ok)
i have really tried to start eating healthy and think of why i started to develope bad eating habbits
i have paid attention to when i maically get hungry and its after a arguement - when im alone
when old painfull memories come to the for front - we since trying to mmake the chage mentally - i have cryed every day - i mean everyday ! it started with watching some peeps videos on youtube that are part of a wls community - watching videos one after the other i began to realize something most of us have one thing or another in common. some of them are in bad marriages , were abused sexually or otherwise sometime in there life, coming from a finacial strained background , a less than awsome family and suppotr system ect
i just want to say that theses things do affect you ( no matter how hard you try to run)
i have no dad really and when he would come and go he always treated me horrible and i was abused by him physiclly , mentally , emotionally he broke me as a young child having the hurt from him and watching my mother be extreamly submisiv to his rage over and over again prepared me to be victimized by so many others that were to follow. some people get hurt or go through something tramatic and lose there apetite- i never did i realitivly eat nothing maybe one meal a day but if life gets hard or stressfull i turn to the chips , leftovers whatever i can find to fill me up , i eat to fill up the hole inside my heart, to try to forget the things that have been done to me. to mask the deep insecurity i feel, because i was never treated like a worthy human being and now i belive it . food doesnt put me down, it doesmt take me for granted , its always there and simply i need food to live - however like so many people and so many situations before , im letting the food hurt me .
for the most part im a small portion non often eater but i nver really looked at why i ate
was i really hungry or just feeling empty?
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  • DINA:-)
    emotional eating is something a lot of us have in common. first step is recognizing it so congratulations to you for doing so. if you aren't going already, you might want to consider counceling to work on these issues. although wls is great tool it doesn't stop emotional eating. this is a great blog- thank you for sharing!
    4293 days ago
  • KFILANOSKI
    I totally know what you mean, I havent been physically abused , but my family is full of addicts and just plain mean people and I always felt kind of ignored or just blamed for everything. But I want to tell you that you ARE a worthwhile person no matter what anyone says, and the first step to recovery is realizing you have a problem and where it comes from so you've got that going for you. I have a binge eating disorder myself, and I don't know if you've looked into any kind of counseling or anything like that but they have places to help with lots of people and even group counceling which I found really helpful too. I'm still struggling with my weight, but the counceling really helped me get to the root of my issues and gave me tools to start fixing my problems, I just have to use them lol. But anyways I wanted to say that your blog really struck a note with me and I wanted to thankyou for writing it because it gave me a bit of a reality check. So thanks :)

    - Katie
    4293 days ago
  • ASHLEYISLOSING
    Hello, I am new to all of this but I was browsing around and I read your Blog. I am reading an awesome book that deals with filling the void in your heart with food. It is called The Weigh Down Workshop. It was written a few years ago, but don't let that fool you. It has alot of really great information regarding the very thing you deal with.
    4293 days ago
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