Facing Stress Down

Monday, January 12, 2009

In the old Westerns, it always seemed the local hero was more stressed waiting for the gunfight at the stroke of noon than he was when he actually faced the gunslinger.

Well I finally faced a facet of the stress in my life. OMG was I nervous before the conversation. But I lived through it and no one hates me (I think!)

My DD and SIL and 3 grandchildren live with us due to - well mostly economic conditions. Every month we have been thinking "Well....next month they will be gone" Well next month and next month and next month has turned into two years. And there was this huge 800 pound gorilla sitting in the room.

SO I ...... well being me... was unable to let the 800 pound gorilla continue to hang out and look intimidating. So I brought the subject up at dinner on the 3rd of this month. And the gorilla has shrunk down to a mischievous chimp.

I mentioned that the 3rd was their 2 year anniversary of living with us. And I wanted them to be assured that we should all stop thinking that next month - next month - next month. I shared that I fully expect them to be with us for another two years. And that was o.k. as long as they could commit to some amount of financial contribution every month. The amount has to be something that was a true commitment. Something which could be depended upon.

I have come to realize in the current financial conditions of the world that our society will be moving back toward the family structures which were so prevalent in the US prior to WWII. It has only been in the last 60 years that children left home and established their own homes.

Prior to WWII, most families were a blend of generations and relations. I believe during the times of the blended families - there was less debt - less insecurity - less fear - deeper roots.

So that is where my household is and shall be for sometime. We will work to be a cohesive family unit - sharing chores - responsibilities - tasks - caring - and love.

For me, it means I can no longer allow the structure of my household, stress me out. I can no longer be crazy about the family circus. And I will not be carrying the burden of seeing the household runs as smoothly as possible alone.

And just knowing the gorilla has been faced and it didn't eat anybody has allowed me to breathe in a slightly less stress filled home.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are such a good mom! I would do the same if the situation arises. I know there are so many stresses you face but you are able to de-stress a little is important. Just remember to take care of yourself above all and then the others. If you are not in a good place you can not help everyone else. emoticon
    4468 days ago
  • BKP4166
    Betsy...I can very easily share your feelings as the 800 pound gorilla has finally left our house. The only one left is the baby gorilla who is here after DH picks it up from school and the mom picks them up after work...and few financial payments have been made....but at least it's small. You have handled it very well.... emoticon

    Kathy emoticon
    4473 days ago
    Betsy, you are an awesome mom and grandma. I wish my own mother were as practical as you. My husband has been laid off for 4 months, making it necessary for me to work two jobs, while still homeschooling my children and carrying most of the housework too. My mom is disabled, and my dad is aging and retired. It would be soooo practical to combine households. My husband and I could help with the physically demanding chores around the house and barn, and both of our finances would be improved if we weren't trying to maintain a seperate household. As it is, I would never even ask, because I know that if they DID agree, they would resent every moment of it, and no matter how much we contributed financially and physically, they would still treat us like a bunch of freeloaders. ((But they have no problem calling me several times a week to drive down and take care of something or another!)) ((Sigh)) Anyway, it just does my heart good to see how you have made a way for your family that is practical and responsible without making a martyr of yourself. You rock!
    4473 days ago
  • no profile photo SPIRITUALONE
    Betsy, I wish I could say the same. I'm still working on adjusting my life to everyone else's right now.

    Please keep in touch.

    4473 days ago
    Way to go Betsy! I'll bet you feel peace of mind knowing that the burden is SHARED! Many of us are afraid to step on toes and walk on egg shells in life. It is not good for anyone and I am sure your story saga will continue with how it brought everyone closer in heart, mind and soul.

    You are very generous and a rare find. Send your "campers" to your webpage to read the comments that follow so that they can really appreciate who you are and why they should count their blessings to have you in their corner of the world!

    Yes it is a time to spread the love and share the burdens of friends & family.

    Shirl emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4473 days ago
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