I can't believe I haven't given up yet.

Monday, January 12, 2009

After SO many starts and stops at trying to lose weight and get into shape, could this be the one??? I am just shocked that I haven’t lost momentum or hope or my motivation. It’s only been about 10 days since I said “I’m trying again” and started working out and being consistent. But in those 10 days….I’ve examined my eating a little more, increased my workouts slowly to not overwhelm myself, been proud of myself, and constantly felt it’s possible! The scale hasn’t moved really, and I’m okay with that. I know I need to be patient, and if it doesn’t move in the next week, I will make some more changes.

I guess the shocking thing is that I still feel happy about it, and I feel like it can work this time. Usually by this time I’m feeling hopeless or overwhelmed, and just thinking it will take forever to lose weight. I would usually make a half hearted effort for a few more days, with little cheats and slip-ups every day, then just give up all together. But I haven’t done that, and I don’t WANT to do that!

And instead of finding excuses not to work out or to justify eating badly, I'm trying to find ways to have more time to workout, and trying to think of healthier options.

There is nothing so remarkable about this, not really. Maybe I’m just finally willing to accept all the hard work and the time it will take, and maybe I feel I’m finally worth it this time. I’m happier than I have been in a while, even though I’m unhappy with my weight. But the rest of me I like pretty well! And I guess I’ve also realized that I don’t have to give up, that doesn’t have to be the outcome of this.

My body is revolting and constantly yelling at me to stop stop stop!!!! But it’s just because my body isn’t used to this, so she’ll soon shut up and enjoy the work outs. I know my mind has definitely benefited from working out. I have more energy, my mind is clearer, and I am in a much better mood most of the time. My body is just tired, and it should be! I’m out of shape! If working out was easy for me, I would know I wasn’t doing it right! and I promise to be patient with the scale and try not to kick it. I'm sure eventually the scale will be a little nicer to me. I'm sure he hates his job...having big people step on him and then yell at him.

It’s nice to believe in myself again.
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    You are amazing, that is why you haven't given up!!
    4304 days ago
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