I binge and want to stop. I am ready.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
This is me. Jen. I have lost 50 pounds and gained back 11. And it feels as if it may as well be another hundred.
So I have this problem. Well, I think it is more a symptom really. I binge eat and don't know how to begin to stop the behavior. I cannot stop eating when I am feeling any kind of emotion. I may try a therapist and maybe an actual Pshychiatrist. I mean, until now I have been doing great. I have jogged and eaten well, and I was 50 pounds lighter. Then I went away. That is when I started binging nightly.
I wan't stressed. A lot of people talk about stress eating. I mean, yes I have done that in the past. But this was different. I was out of my element. I ate and ate. We cooked all day. Food was everywhere and I ate everything I saw. And it felt, well, pathetic. And now I am in the wake of it. And I have a choice. And my choice is to drink my morning shake instead of eating Milk Duds. I can choose that now because I am IN my element, on my schedule.
I think before I can keep ANY weight off I really need to shed some emotional baggage. I am going to get a therapist and talk about issues. My childhood. My anger. My feeling totally inadequate. Whatever is on my mind I think getting it OFF my mind is key for me to be able to keep this weight loss thing up.
Even as I continued my poor eating and gaining, I didn't care! I kept doing it even though I knew what would happen. I did not care and I WANT to care. I want to be able to talk out my pain instead of eating it. I think I will join the bingeing groups also. I just feel BLAH. And I want to eat to feel better. Instead, I will go shovel the walk which burns a whopping 400 calories an hour! Go, ME! No, really, Jen, go NOW! Good girl...