New Year, New Goals.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

I edited my Spark Page to fit my 30-day detox plan. I plan to lose 8 pounds in the next 30 days, and this is going to be REALLY hard in some respects, but I think I've worked in enough treats and fun-food plans that it is do-able. The hardest thing is actually psychological right now. I am displeased with my body for gaining weight so quickly after my return from my very physically active trip to Italy. I have to be more forgiving, I guess, but I'm just so tired of this ongoing struggle with my crappy metabolism. I will also be going to see a doc to once again see if there's something wrong with my thyroid. Seriously, I am too active and GENERALLY too healthy to be gaining weight as easily as I do. I am ready to be hovering around 150 NOT 160. I now creep up to 160 in the middle of the day, and that hadn't been true for MONTHS. It is a very bad feeling for me.

But I'm going to be proactive in these next 30 days and just work hard, knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Also, I'm trying VERY hard to quit smoking, and it is so so so hard for me. The thing is, it is very difficult to accept I just HAVE to be in a bad mood for a few weeks. I don't like bad moods. And, let me tell you, as a person prone to depression, I'm way way way too familiar with bad moods. So, imagine that you're in a great mood, in a great place in your life, and by quitting something, you are actively deciding to be in a bad mood for a few weeks!? NOT APPEALING. I've been able to have either no cigarettes or less than 3 each day, which is a huge cut back for me (especially since Italy, where I smoked fiendishly the most wonderful Italian cigarettes, sigh). But the nicotine withdrawal is very hard for me, especially because my bad moods tend to be internalized, in that I start really dissing myself when I'm in a bad mood. I don't want that, not even for a short amount of time, so I have caved in and had a smoke when I just cannot take the horrible moods anymore. It's really hard.

I really don't want to be a smoker anymore. It's a horrible bad habit, and I'm turning 30 soon, and as I get older, I really must be better to my body. After all, I'm neurotic about my health in every OTHER way - so why not THIS?

I am even on a prescription for quitting smoking that helps A LOT. The script makes smoking sort of nauseating. So, I just have to keep plugging. But it's really really difficult. I've basically been smoking on and off (mostly on) since my mother passed away in December 2005. My last somewhat successful quit lasted from mid-Fall 2007 through the beginning of the summer of 2008. It is hard. Hard. Hard.
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    My dad used an anti-depression med as part of his quit-smoking program and it really helped with the moods until he was past the withdrawls. Maybe something like that is an option for you? Congrats on the effort to kick the habit for good. On the tough days, try to focus on how many years you are adding to your life! :-)
    4438 days ago
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