There are Days
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Today was one of those days for this depressive.
I awoke this AM at 7 (OK, I sleep late) to get started on my day. When I awakened enough to feel and see what I was doing, I found Linus' cloud pushing down on me.
There was no thunder or lightening, just a massive weight and dark enough to barely see.
If I'm awake when I feel this cloud coming, there are usually activities I can do that that will lessen the impact these clouds have, but when I wake up and the cloud(s) are already here - I hate it.
All I could think about were the things I hadn't done or did do in my life that didn't turn out right.
Don't get the wrong idea, I didn't just give up and go hide in the closet or cry, I fought this for hours. It was finally 2PM before I struggled out of bed and got dressed.
Those of you who live with Chronic Depression know the feeling. Those of you who don't, I wouldn't wish it upon any of you.
I can pretty much pin down what kicked it in. Last night I finished reading James Patterson's 'Cross Country'. In it, the murder of a family that were friends with Alex Cross sends him to Nigeria, tracking the perpetrators of the mass murder.
He becomes targeted by the members of the gang of children who are the executioners for the Tiger. A large man responsible for murder and terror on three continents.
The violence and the description of the camps the many refugees where living in and how the refugees lived, the conditions they had to endure (particularly the women and children), activated my PTSD.
When I had made the long trek back to near normalcy this afternoon, my wife told she knew I had a bad night because I was fighting the bed, kicking my legs, screaming and cursing.
If you know someone who has PTSD, for whatever reason and from whatever source, give them a hug and tell them you support them - and don't be surprised if they break down and start to cry.