So far so...
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Ok, so kind of last minute I went out of town for a few days....and so did my eating plan. I have been dying to get on the scale to see the damage, but I had to go and have my hubby hide my scale until monday. Ugh! I know that it's a good thing because it keeps me from mental anguish if I've gained, but I feel this need to see the numbers. I have 2 days left until "judgement day", so I guess all there is to do is get back to it and try to exercise. Does housework count as exercise? LOL Since my school break started I have officially become a lazy slob and my house is a disaster area. I'm not exaggerating. You don't even want to know how bad it's gotten.
I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I've been getting more hungry lately. Good because that could mean my metabolism is starting to get better. Bad because I want to eat a lot more. I don't have any "junk" food in my house, but too much of good things isn't good either. I used to only eat once a day, not being hungry at all until sometimes 4pm. Now I wake up hungry and my breakfasts have gone from choking down about 250 to sometimes just below 400 calories! Good thing? I think it might be, but it feels dangerous. Like I don't trust myself when I'm hungry. It feels safer to not eat, not feel hungry so that when I eat one huge meal of empty junk I feel almost justified. Is my relationship with food that messed up? I want to think about food as just food, not some entity that has all this power over me. I feel frustration creeping up again.
When I was a weight watchers member (which time? was it the 3rd or 4th? HA!) I went to the weekly meetings and before we could leave we all had to say "Giving up is not an option" I never really felt that or believed that. No wonder I gave up so many times. This time I told myself I would never fail again. I will never give up again. So that means I can't. No matter how bad I feel I messed things up or how many steps back I have taken, I can't give up. Whew! It feels good to write out my pep talk for the day.
I'm back and ready to rock baby!