So far so...

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Ok, so kind of last minute I went out of town for a few days....and so did my eating plan. I have been dying to get on the scale to see the damage, but I had to go and have my hubby hide my scale until monday. Ugh! I know that it's a good thing because it keeps me from mental anguish if I've gained, but I feel this need to see the numbers. I have 2 days left until "judgement day", so I guess all there is to do is get back to it and try to exercise. Does housework count as exercise? LOL Since my school break started I have officially become a lazy slob and my house is a disaster area. I'm not exaggerating. You don't even want to know how bad it's gotten.

I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I've been getting more hungry lately. Good because that could mean my metabolism is starting to get better. Bad because I want to eat a lot more. I don't have any "junk" food in my house, but too much of good things isn't good either. I used to only eat once a day, not being hungry at all until sometimes 4pm. Now I wake up hungry and my breakfasts have gone from choking down about 250 to sometimes just below 400 calories! Good thing? I think it might be, but it feels dangerous. Like I don't trust myself when I'm hungry. It feels safer to not eat, not feel hungry so that when I eat one huge meal of empty junk I feel almost justified. Is my relationship with food that messed up? I want to think about food as just food, not some entity that has all this power over me. I feel frustration creeping up again.

When I was a weight watchers member (which time? was it the 3rd or 4th? HA!) I went to the weekly meetings and before we could leave we all had to say "Giving up is not an option" I never really felt that or believed that. No wonder I gave up so many times. This time I told myself I would never fail again. I will never give up again. So that means I can't. No matter how bad I feel I messed things up or how many steps back I have taken, I can't give up. Whew! It feels good to write out my pep talk for the day.

I'm back and ready to rock baby!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Being hungry is a good thing! Dont be afraid of it...its natural and normal...Your body is awakening and need food when you exercise...I think that still is the hardest part for me listening to my body...I will literally stop and talk to myself...But its hard...Just yesterday I did awful mindless eating on red velvet cake...but the good thing is I miss my veggies...We have no dinero right now for me to buy more and I miss them!!!
    I really think that having a relationship with food is the most complicated kind of relationship...In that its something we need on a daily basis we cant just completely give it up like alcoholics or drug addicts...
    And I would so count house work as exercise...thats all I did yesterday...but I was up and moving around so its better than being a blob on the couch!
    I hope your weigh in went well!
    4306 days ago
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