sorrow, stone, soaring
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Prayer and love are learned in the hour when prayer becomes impossible and the heart has turned to stone.Thomas Merton
sorrow,.. yesterday the depression dragon flew around my soul. When this happens, my thinkng is altered from my reality and my truth. The depression dragon pushed my inner button that delivered memories of times when I have really made mistakes in varying relationships. SORROW was spewing from all of the memories... reminding me of how my actions, my words or just being me caused great pain to others. I 'sorrowed' for being me. I 'sorrowed' for wasted time. I 'sorrowed' for being a burden.
stone... my heart became stone so that I wouldn't hurt. I stopped feeling. I deflected my family's every attempt to share love with me. I deflected all of my strategies that would allow my love to flow to others and most importantly to myself. I denied myself my own love therefore dammed the love that could flow to my family and friends. The depression dragon knows that interference with my self-love will interupt love to others. A very simple tactic to redirect me from being me .... from being on my path.... from continuing my journey.
Soaring... I can fly higher than my depression dragon. I slept well, I have journaled, I have turned the faucet of my self-love and am enjoying its flooding to others. I am happy again.