Have I sabotaged myself
Saturday, November 22, 2008
I was reading a friends blog this morning and I realized that I had gone full circle and need to start all over again. It also reminded me of the different feelings I have had on this journey.
She spoke about how she used to look for excuses to get out of exercise and I thought "Boy does that sound like me."
She talked about how she has learned to love exercise. How she looks forward to it and does it first thing in the morning and I thought "Boy does that sound like me." But then it hit me , not anymore.
I started on Sparks in May so that I could get into shape to do the dog shows in November.
By July I was enjoying my workouts and the friends I met at the gym. I was looking forward to them every morning and I would not let anything get in my way but I was dreading September when I would have to quit the "new" life and start sitting in front of the puter, all day & half the night, doing all the paperwork on the shows.
September came and I couldn't quit the gym, I actually increased the number of classes that month. All that time I knew I was going to HAVE to quit in Oct and play catch up on all that paperwork I was putting off.
October sure got here fast. I had to quit going to the gym!. I was wishing I had not agreed to do those darn dog shows! I started promising myself that I wasn't going to obligate myself to do the shows again next year and that I would get back to the gym as soon as these were done.
And now it is November. The shows are over. I didn't allow them to talk me into doing it again next year. So did I go back to the gym as I had promised myself I would? No, I am making excuses.
When I started writing this I thought it was going to be about how easy it was to lose a good habit but as I write I find that is is more about having a goal.
Have I sabotaged myself by not agreeing to do the 2009 shows? After all being able to do this years was my goal/reward.
All this summer I felt like they were getting in the way of my taking care of myself but I think they also stirred me to work harder in order to make my deadline. Now I have no goal, deadline or reward.
So with that realize I am changing the title of this from Going around in Circles to Have I sabotaged Myself. I am going to think about what my next goal can be. I need one now in order to get through Thanksgiving!!!!