i don't care anymore
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
My life is crap. Now i know why most suicides happen around the holidays. I have no money, my morgage payment bounced. In all the years i've had morgages, I have never bounced a payment , NEVER. So the for sale sign is on the house. im too numb to cry. i keep thinking about killing myself, but i won't. combination of no guts, and knowing it would hurt my husband too much. so instead i pray that i just drop dead. i know rationally that it's clinical depression, i'm switching meds. it will take a few weeks or more to get to a good level. but i'm so so tired. i just want this to stop. i want to close my eyes and never wake up. I'm not writing this for sympathy. No one cares or understands. people pretend to care, but they don't. ben feels so helpless, and i'm pushing him away now. i just want to be alone. i dont care to talk.