CARRIE535

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i don't care anymore

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

My life is crap. Now i know why most suicides happen around the holidays. I have no money, my morgage payment bounced. In all the years i've had morgages, I have never bounced a payment , NEVER. So the for sale sign is on the house. im too numb to cry. i keep thinking about killing myself, but i won't. combination of no guts, and knowing it would hurt my husband too much. so instead i pray that i just drop dead. i know rationally that it's clinical depression, i'm switching meds. it will take a few weeks or more to get to a good level. but i'm so so tired. i just want this to stop. i want to close my eyes and never wake up. I'm not writing this for sympathy. No one cares or understands. people pretend to care, but they don't. ben feels so helpless, and i'm pushing him away now. i just want to be alone. i dont care to talk.
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  • KASONSMOMMA
    Your post makes my heart hurt!!!!! We have all been through rough times and I'm really sorry to hear your going through all of this! Your not alone! Please don't hurt yourself and consider going to talk to someone who can help you...
    You can't control everything in your life but you can control you.....if you need a friend please send me a message - I'm here to listen! emoticon
    4396 days ago
  • PRINCESSTTM
    I care....
    4397 days ago
  • METAMORPH2010
    You wrote:
    i know rationally that it's clinical depression, i'm switching meds. it will take a few weeks or more to get to a good level.

    Hang on to that thought! You *will* get through this. Use whatever energy you still have to keep looking for solutions that work for you. I have been surprised in my journey by what I've found -- it's not always what works for anybody else. Keep faith in yourself. You will get there.
    4397 days ago
  • no profile photo BRENDACW
    Hang in there. The fact that you never missed a payment before encourages me that you are an honest and hard working person. Consider a move to a small apartment until you can get your finances in better shape. My family (two sons , one has three small children), are worried about their jobs also. The advice that I live by: "do the best you can and that is all you can do". Remember that you are not alone in this situation. There are thousands of people in this country that are losing or have lost homes, cars, jobs, etc. Do you have family,friends , or a religious leader you can turn to for help? There should be several agencies in your area that might help. Please, please do not commit suicide. Get out there and explore your options. You might find more than you expect. As a side note, I truly think that God is trying to get America back to basics and to turn to Him.
    4398 days ago
  • AMOSLA
    I feel your pain, and I'm not going to tell you not to be upset. I am waiting to hear the end-of -the -world drama that has you so upset that you don't want to live. You have your health, your husband. Houses come and go, and so does everything else that can be bought with money. I have lost cars, houses, money. It is just things. Please realize that. It is just things! However, your feelings are real. I have been where your are. Can't even explain, I had a metallic taste in my mouth, didn't want to exert energy to get out of bed. Wished many times that I could go to sleep and not wake up! A husband that wanted to help me, but didn't know how. I got some help- I talked to a counselor-not just a medical doctor. There is help out there- my help came from Netcare(based on your income),also my belief system. I don't want to preach to you, all I'm saying is there is help. Don't just wait for this feeling to miraculously pass over. Take the initiative and do something about it! A book helped me called "Don't sweat the small stuff" have you ever read that?
    Anyway I feel like I'm rambling now hopefully I have helped some, I don't have all the answers I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I care and not in a pity kind of way but a I have-been-there- kinda way!
    emoticon emoticon
    4398 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/12/2008 11:55:45 PM
  • LORITOT
    You can and need to get through this for your self and your family. It is a tough time right now for so many people. I, too, am struggling with major money challenges and I know how hard it is to face the day. I am glad you are taking meds. Have you thought about calling a crisis hotline? They can offer a lot of anonymous support as well. Just remember all you have to do is get through this moment and the next will be better.
    4398 days ago
  • 4MYTWOKIDS
    Honey! You are going to get through this. If you have clinical depression and are switching meds...talk to your doctor about what is going on and how you are feeling he may be able to help. I work with people with mental illness. It sounds like you need to talk about whats going on. You are under a lot of stress. You can send me and email. I would love to talk to you.
    4398 days ago
  • BRIAN36
    Carrie, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You will get through this.
    4398 days ago
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