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The reality of my eating disorder...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

So I had a major 2 week long bingeing episode. It all started with this apple pie I baked for a contest. (I won the Blue Ribbon and some cash, by the way, and didn't eat any of *that* pie..you can see *that* pie pictured below) But then, one night it happened. My daughter asked for another apple pie, and I made it. It was sitting there with one slice missing, and I had just fought with DH. I ate the rest of the pie in one sitting and felt so bad, yet so good. That snowballed into weeks of just *existing*, and 2 more pies! I didn't come here for support because I was so ashamed. I felt like it was too late for me, that the damage is done, that I am just going to fail at this again. And that led to no exercise whatsoever, and stuffing my face full of whatever I could get my hands on. And I cannot lie, it felt good. What I maybe mean to say is it felt good to STUFF my feelings with garbage food so I won't have to feel bored/lonely/guilty/stressed. I awoke today and thought, "Ok, I am DONE with that binge, and it is time to GO." And I got on the scale today to see what I have done to myself:

Up to 211 from 206. I have gained 5 pounds in 2 weeks. And this is what I am going to do about it:

~2 WEEK DETOX - BOTH PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL~

1) WATER!!! Tons of water. I will aim for 10 bottles a day for the next 2 weeks.
2) APPLES!!! I will eat 4-5 apples a day to flush this garbage Halloween candy residue out of the insides of my beautiful body.
3) I will LOG ALL CALORIES, no exceptions, good or 'bad'.
4) NO GUILT, no exceptions. I will not guilt myself and I will love myself regardless of my shortcomings.
5) 30 minutes of walking a day to start.
6) Try and control STRESS.

So there it is, I am a binger and I binged bigtime. Ok, now let's get down to business.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • HAPPYGRAMMY2001
    Jen - Just let me say that I applaud your amazing openness and honesty. You are an example to me about getting real with my disorder. I am a compulsive eater - all or nothing it seems. I've never been this small and it feels so good - but I'm TERRIFIED of putting back on any weight, yet I fight the food giant every minute of every day. I'll be praying for you and I love you so much.
    Aunt Sue
    4408 days ago
  • ZIRCADIA
    *HUGS* I AM REALLLY glad to hear from you again. And I'm glad to hear that you've put that binge in the past and are ready to move forward!!! Imagine how good you will feel once you get through this little detoxing period??? Body fresh and clean. :) *HUGS*
    4498 days ago
  • TELERIE
    You've got it! I love your detox plan. Every fall is another learning experience.
    The walking should help curb your stress and I know you can do this.
    We're here for you!
    - Marit
    4498 days ago
  • KARBIE18
    Your pie looks amazing, but I'm glad you're back on track. Your plan sounds good - especially the no guilt part. It serves no purpose. You can do it!

    Karen
    4498 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3248497
    awesome plan to help get urself back on track.
    4498 days ago
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