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drama, dare, dream

Sunday, November 09, 2008

DRAMA: I am not unique in believing that my life is a drama. I am a total drama queen. While I may be dramatic, my life has actually been very, very good. I have been and am now loved. I have a great tendency to run like a roadrunner and then bump into the cliff like a coyote. I have tried to live the life of a very very good girl/person. I have succeeded on so many levels. Yet in many arenas, I have not been authentic .. so now I begin to

DARE: I have let go of personal perfectionist expectations. I am not an obsessive compulsive perfectionist. Far from it. The house is a mess. My diet and fitness plans are only plans-not actual. My perfectionism is mostly in my head. I plan to do this and do that. I grieve for what I have not accomplished. So by accepting that I ultimately am responsible for my life, I have stopped "chopping rocks" (the job). For the first time in ??? years, I have no job to provide me structure that I really need for management of me; not to mention $$$$. I am going to totally focus on me and my life in the most internal way possible. By releasing my grip on perfectionism, I begin to

DREAM: I have time now to truly explore ME. I have no agenda for the moment. I have only time and breath to develop my inner strength. I have no distractions such as chopping rocks or very little royal rugrats or any other obligations. And the most perfect thing about it all, it the tremendous sense of peace that I am feeling. So after so many attempts to be perfect by DOING, I have found perfection in simply being.

My journey to a healthier me is very much from the inside out.
OUCH: I have lost only about 20 pounds in a year. My clothes feel a little better but I am far from the 'weight-appropriate' person that I was before I crushed my foot snow-skiing 4 years ago.
OUCH: Exercise routine has not been established. It is easy to say my chronic foot pain greatly interferes and it does; yet I have been 'released' to resume my cycling on my mountain bike. I have not started cycling as I fear the risk; however, it is a challenge that I have mostly ignored.
OUCH: While I don't overeat, I haven't a clue of my food log. emoticon I drink water. Love the water.

LOVE: I am loving me in ways I never knew possible. I am truly worthy of being here and I need not feel like a fake me any longer. YEP, I have felt I was a fake me for ??? years.
LOVE: I love my close family, friends and even SparkFriends in the most authentic way. I recognize that LOVE has no limits and truly connects all of our lives together. Hence I must be active in LOVING so that I am not a broken link.
LOVE: I am able to have a true attitude of LOVE and LOVING. I love learning about love. I am able to be at this place because somehow, somewhere, somewhen I stumbled upon SPARKPEOPLE and its structure for living. I have connected with me, with others and with LOVE.

It is the best of DREAMS... I have met a major goal. I have met me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • NURSE4MR

    I am very happy to see that you are seeing your inner beauty and becoming aquainted with YOU on a deeper level. I hope that you continue on this journey to love and know yourself better.

    Keep daring and keep dreaming!!!
    emoticon
    Terry
    4125 days ago
  • EQUUS256
    My dearest Princess,

    Interesting blog. Very self honest. When I get too self honest I tend to cry because the inner world of me actually interacts with the outer world of me. I need to work on realizing there is never a case of being too self honest and maybe the outer me can merge and reconcile with the inner me. Thanks so much for the food for thought (at least it is calorie free!!!)

    I love you !

    Blessings.................
    ..
    4126 days ago
  • FITKAT2010
    OK, Teri, Princess of your Teritory, I really like this blog. Yep, I do. This was a true sharing of the internal Teritory. I am very proud of you taking the road less traveled.

    Karen emoticon
    4127 days ago
  • DDOORN
    Wow! Talk about making MAJOR lemonade out of lemons! :-)

    WTG!! Keep on SPARKING!

    Don, Co-Leader for the All Health Professionals SparkTeam
    teams.sparkpeople.com/
    HealthPros
    4127 days ago
  • MIZM20
    Wow, if only I could write my feeling's like you! I have met you now, and if O.k. I'd like to make you a friend.
    I also have ankle issues. Mine was not crushed but broken on both sides. I still have issues with it. You are an inspiration! Thanks for letting me read your blog.
    Debb
    4127 days ago
  • no profile photo LILITH0572
    I think it's wonderful you now have the opportunity for "You Time", use it wisely and for the good of all... Really, that's wonderful news. Yeah You!

    Love -n- Hugs
    4127 days ago
  • WOWEETOO
    yowzias sweet princess you are so there aren't you and i'm glad i am along for the ride of your life!!! hugs mary your royalnesses lady-in-waiting always
    emoticon
    4127 days ago
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