I'll Always Remember
Monday, November 03, 2008
Been quite some time since I have blogged. We successfully moved to California! Once here we immediately began enjoying some of the beautiful countryside, we went to Yosemite, Monterey, the 17 mile drive, and of course for the boy's we drove down to LA and visited Mickey's house as my oldest puts it ha ha ha (Disneyland).
I have found many outdoor activities again like simply enjoying a nice walk in the morning my 4 yr old walks along with me and the baby rides in the stroller. Also actually have taken out my bike and had a few nice rides through the neighborhoods.
I have lost gained and lost again about 25 lbs since being here the past 5 months. I have learned through this weight issue that having a new lifestyle takes time! There will be days I have great success and other days when I am questioning why I am even attempting a change.
Then I remember the last moments I spent with my Dad this past April - they were bringing up out of sedation and trying to get him off the ventilator, just the week before I had made the decision to bring my youngest child to see him in the hospital .. I guess I knew deep in my heart he was not going to make it through this health crisis this time. I took pictures of them together over everyone's objections except my dad's.
They had a rough time taking him off the vent and for the 1st and only time in my life I saw fear in my father's eye's. In those minutes that turned into 2 hrs of weaning him slowly off the vent - I sat holding his hand and reassuring him that it was going to be ok and that I was not going anywhere. On May 24th at 9:20 pm my father died, while I was standing in the airport trying to get a rental car from any company that had something with 4 wheels. When I saw my dad lying there in the hospital bed so quiet and still among the million of thoughts that raced through my head was the last conversation I had with him. He said to me take care of yourself I am telling you that if I had known some of this stuff when I was younger I would have taken better care of my body/myself overall. Now most people think that I am talking about a man who was old but... my father was only 67.
So on the tough days or the times when I feel like giving up on the whole get healthy idea - I close my eyes and try to remember how I felt hugging and kissing my dad the last time I saw him alive and then I recall without even trying the pain I feel everyday knowing that I can not pick up a phone and hear his voice or the fact that I will Never see his wonderful smile again and how I want to put off this deep indescribable pain for my boys as long as possible. That usually gets me motivated to put in the work or make a better food choice today.
Find the strength in what ever you need to do the best you can for yourself everyday. Do it first for yourself and then for you children if you have them.