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Tomorrow is the big day.....

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

My little boy, my miracle baby turns four! Such a bitter sweet day for me for his twin who passed away the day they were born is never far from my thoughts especially this day.

My mind continues to ask why, why to so many things but I've finally found the answer to one question I've asked myself for the last four years......

Why God would give a first time mommy who never even babysat before a micro preemie (one who was very sick and somewhat delayed) to raise? The answer, because I don't know any better.....really, I don't know what normal developmental milestones are so I've never once not thought about teaching my son to feed, to crawl, to walk, to talk, the alphabet, the shapes, the colors, numbers, to read or any other number of things about the world he lives in. I've always believed he can, I am his number one fan and biggest advocate why, because I don't know any better.

Now if only I could persue all the endeavors in my life with such enthusiasm and ignorance!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow, very powerful! It is such a powerful question, why God allows some things. And sometimes I can get lost in the question. Then I realize it is like asking your 4 year old to analyze a two page calculus problem. Even if God answered me, I wouldn't really understand the answer.

    But you've truly gotten to the heart of it. Such an amazing answer. I have a friend that has Cerebral Palsy. And that is just how his parents raised him. They treated him like everyone else, and taught him all the "normal" stuff. The doctors said he wouldn't live. He did. They said he wouldn't learn. He did. They said he was "retarded", he made the Dean's List, and in the regular school. Why? Because his parents believed in him.

    My husband couldn't nurse when he was born. So he needed to be fed from an eyedropper, one drop at a time. It took hours to finish a feeding, and by then, he was hungry again. But his parents did it. Arranged for surgeries, did what was needed. Believed in him. And I am so grateful, because DH is bright, kind, thoughtful, spiritual, a true gift. All because they believed in him.

    And so, it is your son's birthday, but I'm sending my kudos to you. Because you have gone beyond the pain and the difficulties and the things that will never be, and believed in what life can be. Reminds me of Philippians 3:13 "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal". Not that you forget your son that has already gone on. I am amazed how many passages have the phrase 'he went on ahead". But that you take his spirit with you, and press on together, towards a future. Towards hope, and life, and faith, and growth, and new adventures.

    You're doing great.
    4581 days ago
    I hope Micheal (and you) enjoyed his big day! What a blessed little boy to have you!

    I am also thinking of your DH tomorrow you finally get some answers. I am praying that all will be well. emoticon
    4583 days ago
    emoticon happy birthday Michael
    best wishes today and everyday.
    4583 days ago
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    Oh Tracy, you have the energy, enthusiasm and mostly love. You are an incredible human being and mother. You are a blessing to Michael and he to you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Michael. emoticon
    4584 days ago
    Sometimes the why's don't always come to us, but in this case you did get it. Hope your son has a wonderful Birthday.
    4584 days ago
    HAppy birthday to Michael! emoticon
    And I think you are one of the most enthusiastic people I have ever "met". (but certainly not ignorant) You are doing a great job!
    4584 days ago
  • -SEVEN-
    It's always so hard to wrestle with those "why" thoughts... You are a wonderful mommy! I often wonder why my little guy, who is soooo active, was given to a mommy like me, diagnosed with MS shortly after he was born. Strange how the world works, but we do our best. Have a fun birthday with him tomorrow- his brother will be watching and having fun with you in spirit of course!
    Take care-
    emoticon Ursula
    4584 days ago
    Tracy, you are a wonderful Mom as well as a great friend. I'm sending happy, happy birthday wishes to Michael as well as his brother, who is still always with you.
    4584 days ago
    What a blessing your are to your sons! Even if you were a mommy to one for a short time
    You are also the BEST mom for the son that is still with you!
    Enjoy each moment, they are all precious!
    I will be praying for you and your son on his birthday!!
    4584 days ago
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