another week..down the drain..

So as I sit here contemplating health care or mortgage payment.. i'm pissed off that i even have to make that choice. I very seriously considered quitting my OB/GYN care because i can't afford to pay the payments. the county health department is a freaking joke. And from previous bad experiences with a county HD, i'll not ever put my care or my child's care to one again. i'd rather go without.

The baby shower that i was trying to plan..is looking like a flop. no one has even gotten an invite yet, and the ones i handed out, i've already gotten one no. I know times are rough. i was really hoping my family and friends would at least try to help us out as we've done for them over the past several years. guess that's expecting too much. at least i'll have a cradle that my parents will be bringing down in december, and i'll just have to use my old pack and play as a crib like i did for my dd2, until i can afford a proper bed. don't even know what i'm gonna do about DS now who's in a toddler bed, but will need a regular bed really soon.

This is just minor stuff, i do count myself blessed to even be able to worry about these things..and not planning a funeral for my child as a neighbor of mine is doing. Today is the wake for his 2 1/2 yo son (who was killed in a car accident 3 days ago) and tomorrow is the funeral. What really sucks is i can't even go to show my support and say good bye to him, because i don't have the money to put gas into my vehicle, or money to buy appropriate funeral attire..for myself or any other members of my family.

These idiots in washington don't realize how much they've hurt the american public with their laziness.. the stock market bail out? give me a damned break! I liked the idea that came around in an email, about spreading that wealth to the working middle class. i can tell you what i'd do with that 1.2 million..which would actually equal less after taxes.. i'd pay off my mortgage ..part of housing crisis solved, i'd expand my home to allow space for my growing family, i'd buy reliable vehicles, and stock my pantry and freezers full of good healthy foods, i'd also buy my kids much needed clothing and shoes, and all the baby items needed for the one i'm expecting.. instead of wondering is my electric gonna be shut off this week? or will i lose my water or phone service?

guess it's time to ride out this storm and see who the survivors will be.