Don't let me get me...
Friday, October 17, 2008
Its bad when you annoy yourself
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else......Pink
It is time to get honest with me!
I have really been getting on my nerves. I have needed to blog for sometime now, but have just put it off. I have been in some kind of funk lately. I don't want to blame my failure to progress on my dad's death, but I haven't made any progress since he died. The week after the funeral I was up 6 pounds. A few weeks later when I left for vacation the 6 pounds was still there, so it was real poundage! Couldn't use the old water weight excuse.
On vacation we took a much needed mental break from everything. DH and I agreed to have a good time, not discuss or worry about anything, family, financial issues ect. until we got back from vacation. I had 9 wonderful worry-free days. We actually did what we agreed and had a great time. I think the snap back to reality made my funk worse. Time to go back to work, worry about bills and the future. The day after I got home, I weighed and I had gained 10 pounds, but within 4 days it was gone, so I guess it was just water weight.
My vacation made me realize how much I miss my family. Times are tough and I have to work a lot. I have a good job, and I am able to make good money, but it seems it is never enough. The past few months have just flown by and I feel like it is all a blur and I can't get focused. I work nights and I feel like all I do is work and sleep. I really miss my family. I guess this is the important part of family vacations is you actually realize what all you miss in the daily RUSH, RUSH, RUSH!
Last Sunday I weighed and was up another 6 pounds after a weekend of eating horribly and slacking on the exercise. I have yet to change my ticker for either gain. I have got to SNAP OUT OF IT!! The only option I have about the money/work situation would be to sell my house and let my car get re-po'ed, so I guess I just need to suck it up and keep on working. Hopefully one day I will be independently wealthy!LOL...I have a good job, most people would consider it a dream job, so I have no right to complain, but I sit here and think..."It will be 35 years before I can retire....35 years from now I am still gonna be sitting here, and living in this dreaded city.." How depressing is that. Then I feel guilty and chew myself out. I think of all the things I am bless with right now. DH and I have 2 wonderful and healthy children, we both have good jobs, and are healthy and capable. There are so many that aren't as lucky. I see it everyday. Tomorrow isn't promised. With the way things are going in the world today, why in the heck am thinking how long it will be till I can retire!
I must treat each day as a gift!
I must make the most out of now!
I am done being in this funk that has me annoying myself, much less others!
I am done being embarrassed about my weight!
I am done not wanting to meet new people!
I am done avoiding my old friends because I am embarrassed of how I look!
I am done not making any progress and un-doing the bit I have made!
Last week I proposed a competition to DH for a little GOYAAM motivation for me... we have until Christmas for him to quit smoking and me to lose 30 pounds. I know, I set the bar steep, but I really need a swift kick! The race is on! I know I'll never hear the end of it if he beats me, so I gotta win this!!
It is time to kick myself in the butt and out of this funk!!