Don't let me get me...

Friday, October 17, 2008

Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else......Pink

It is time to get honest with me!
I have really been getting on my nerves. I have needed to blog for sometime now, but have just put it off. I have been in some kind of funk lately. I don't want to blame my failure to progress on my dad's death, but I haven't made any progress since he died. The week after the funeral I was up 6 pounds. A few weeks later when I left for vacation the 6 pounds was still there, so it was real poundage! Couldn't use the old water weight excuse.
On vacation we took a much needed mental break from everything. DH and I agreed to have a good time, not discuss or worry about anything, family, financial issues ect. until we got back from vacation. I had 9 wonderful worry-free days. We actually did what we agreed and had a great time. I think the snap back to reality made my funk worse. Time to go back to work, worry about bills and the future. The day after I got home, I weighed and I had gained 10 pounds, but within 4 days it was gone, so I guess it was just water weight.
My vacation made me realize how much I miss my family. Times are tough and I have to work a lot. I have a good job, and I am able to make good money, but it seems it is never enough. The past few months have just flown by and I feel like it is all a blur and I can't get focused. I work nights and I feel like all I do is work and sleep. I really miss my family. I guess this is the important part of family vacations is you actually realize what all you miss in the daily RUSH, RUSH, RUSH!
Last Sunday I weighed and was up another 6 pounds after a weekend of eating horribly and slacking on the exercise. I have yet to change my ticker for either gain. I have got to SNAP OUT OF IT!! The only option I have about the money/work situation would be to sell my house and let my car get re-po'ed, so I guess I just need to suck it up and keep on working. Hopefully one day I will be independently wealthy!LOL...I have a good job, most people would consider it a dream job, so I have no right to complain, but I sit here and think..."It will be 35 years before I can retire....35 years from now I am still gonna be sitting here, and living in this dreaded city.." How depressing is that. Then I feel guilty and chew myself out. I think of all the things I am bless with right now. DH and I have 2 wonderful and healthy children, we both have good jobs, and are healthy and capable. There are so many that aren't as lucky. I see it everyday. Tomorrow isn't promised. With the way things are going in the world today, why in the heck am thinking how long it will be till I can retire!

I must treat each day as a gift!
I must make the most out of now!
I am done being in this funk that has me annoying myself, much less others!
I am done being embarrassed about my weight!
I am done not wanting to meet new people!
I am done avoiding my old friends because I am embarrassed of how I look!
I am done not making any progress and un-doing the bit I have made!

Last week I proposed a competition to DH for a little GOYAAM motivation for me... we have until Christmas for him to quit smoking and me to lose 30 pounds. I know, I set the bar steep, but I really need a swift kick! The race is on! I know I'll never hear the end of it if he beats me, so I gotta win this!!

It is time to kick myself in the butt and out of this funk!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hi - I can really relate to the emotion I see here, beneath the words...self esteem. Please try to build yourself up, and love yourself, and give yourself compassion- I know you can do it. Many of us have low self-esteem, thats made worse by hating the way we look - Change is possible...transformation is possible.
    You CAN do this!
    4025 days ago
    wow you might of fallend but you dint just get your self on a horse your getting others too! how did you talk hubby into quitting smoking?has he been wanting to? i really want my husband too andi would do anything to get him to!!!!!!!! wow and i just have to say that is like my them song! i listen to it all the time! lol i dont need to get me i think i am the problem too! why do we get in the way of our selves?
    you know i understand the death of your father, cause you know i just went thru it 9n feb 6 it took me until april28 to figure out my life and get on track! i think your doing good when your a daddys girl its really hard! i wont lie! but if you are creative in any way like poetry or writing or singing or art pur your love and hurt and losses all into that it helps you heal! i think thats how i got better i and kept moving forward! if you need anything just hollar ! and be sure to stop and smell the roses ! that why you work ! :0) lol but congrats on all your eye opening ! and bloging ! GO JENN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    4046 days ago
    C'mon Accountability Partner - we can do this thing!! I am ready to call you everyday if I have to - all I need is your phone number!! I'll send you a message with my number - and we can kick each other's butts over the phone!!

    Sorry about your father, I understand, I lost my mother when I was 22.
    4047 days ago
    emoticon A slip is a slip. It isn't about falling.. it's about the landing and getting back up.

    It's totally understandable that you are having a difficult time. I'm so sorry about the loss of your dear father. I can only imagine how difficult that is...

    Good for you for getting up again!
    A Gratitude Journal can be a huge help.. it was for me. You sit and you WRITE down the things in your life you're grateful for. All the ones you can think of. From your favorite pillow or soap or other small things.. to your wonderful family and friends. Your health, your opportunities, etc. etc. etc. You'll be surprised at how much you have to be thankful for.

    I agree with Nancie as well.. you may be in need of an outlet.. something to inject yourself in.

    Good Luck.. keep us posted.. and keep on keeping on!!
    4047 days ago
    Sorry to hear about your dad. I think it is normally to go through things after having a close death. Hang in there. Everyone here is here to support you!

    Sounds like you are back on track and that is great! You can do this, you're a done girl!

    You might want to check out Dave Ramsey's Total money makeover, it changed our life financially. The book is awsome!

    Hope you have a fabulous weekend!

    4048 days ago
    I am here to help you kick your butt

    I got size elevens....wooo and when they connect you feel it


    I CAN
    I WILL


    Your teammates...Your Yammies are behind you



    Don't waste one more moment in worry for it will change NOTHING...



    4048 days ago
    Jen- I'm so glad that you and your family took the time to go on vacation. It would have been so easy not to and just plow ahead not taking the time to take care of yourselves. For that I congratulate you.

    Some people live to work, others work to live. You aren't loving work at the moment, is there something else that you'd rather be doing? Something creative? That you can do to nurture yourself?

    You'll get there. You've took a detour on your weight loss journey, that's all. Who said the path had to be straight? You're still here. And we're here to pick you up and give you a kick in the pants if you're tired of kicking yourself in the butt. Just take care not to beat yourself up.

    4048 days ago
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