Come back to Spark
Monday, October 13, 2008
So a year or so ago I decided that I just didn't want to diet anymore and I gave up. I figured that I just wasn't making any progress and it was too hard. Yes that was a HUGE mistake!
So here I sit now even heavier than before and more depressed over the weight. Yesterday we had a birthday party to go to at a sports park. This sports park has all kinds of stuff to do. Well my 3yo wanted to ride to go karts and that means someone must do it with her. While we were waiting in line she decided that she wanted to ride with daddy and I would ride with my 5yo. No biggie. I get on, get Brianna in place and sit in the seat. Boy its a little more snug than it was the last time (about 2 months ago). But this time I was purely and completely MORTIFIED! I could not get the belt to work. There was no way I was getting it around me. I was about an inch shy of snapping it. I wanted to cry. I did cry a little. I still want to cry thinking about it. I have read and heard many stories about people being asked to get off a ride because they are too big. I never (ever!) thought it would ever happen to me. But it did and I swear I am scarred for life! It is all that I am thinking about down to the point where I had a hard time going to sleep last night.
A change has got to happen. Its got to start with me. I can't sit around and wait for my insurance to pay for the Lapband. I need to become accountable for my own health. In the last year I have been put on medication for my blood pressure and medication for migraines. While I may never be able to stop taking the meds for the migraines I can lose some weight and get off the BP meds.
So here I sit, starting spark again. This WILL be the last time I will need to diet. I will get the weight off slowly, healthily (is that even a word?), and I will do this for nobody else but me. Tomorrow Brian leaves for MN for 10 days so that will give me 10 days without the temptations he gives. I always fail on the weekends because I just can't stay on track with Brian here eating too. These 10 days will give me a head start and give me the motivation I need. Today I will have "the last supper" and eat whatever I want. By tomorrow morning after Brian gets on the plane it will be time to get in gear and make a change....a permanent change.