My Need to Vent Turns Into a RANT!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Okay, I might as well admit to something. I have a deep seeded need to see things done fairly. Oh, I know, I know, there is nothing fair about life. It's a crap shoot. But, inside the 4 walls of a classroom and in your immediate family things should be done fairly. At least with a symbolacne of fairness. Everyday I hear from student's "oh, so and so gets away with ??? but if I say even one word, I get in trouble, it isn't fair!" I listen and give advice and talk about personality differences and how to get along with others takes a willingness to give other people the benefit of a doubt.

So why when it is happening to me, can I not give myself that same little talk. I know why! It's because I was raised in a family that chose favorities and took sides. I was never the one selected. So once again when my family overlooks me and mine it is like peeling off a scab and watching that old wound come back to life and bleed. Why? You know I truely believe if I could pinpoint the reason why the unfairness, etc took/takes place maybe I could work on my reactions to it. But, it seems a futile point.

Okay....my rant for the day
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    i have to agree with mama-c. let me tell you a story.
    When i first started dating my dh he has two children from another marriage. I brought him and his two kids home to meet my family. While there my two older sisters took it upon themselves to try to "parent me" as they always do. They contradicted my authority to the children gave them permission to do things that both my dh and i had told them they could not do and felt free to criticize me at every turn. The final straw was when i overheard my older sister tell my other sister that i was B-i-t-c-h. that was uncalled for and unneccessary. At that time I didn't talk to her i didn't tell her how what they were doing was making me miserable. no instead I packed myself up and told my dh we were leaving. We cut our visit short because of them. I called my mom from the road and told her what happened and why we were leaving. When i got hom i had two calls from my older sisters both apologizing for thier bad behavior. I guess the rest of the family finally stepped in and called them down on it. I decided to return thier call and explained to them my situation and what my dh and i had discussed about parenting his children and that they were wrong for thier behavior and how it made me feel as a person. by the end of the phone calls everyone was sorry. I was sorry for not explaning to them earlier how thier behavior was affecting me and they were sorry for being so rude. Had i just opened my mouth and calmly explained to them my problem we would not have cut our trip short and there wouldn't have been anymore hurt feelings.
    So lesson learned when they step out of line I had to realize I had the right to voice my displeasure in it and that they can't say sorry for something they probably don't even know their doing.
    3567 days ago
    Hurts from childhood seem to never fade in our memories. I know that I'll probably get bashed for this. But I have one little word of advice...or just an opinion actually. I come from a family much like yours. Judgemental and favorite choosing etc. There wasnt much unconditional love and acceptance. Usually the favorite of the day of our parents and siblings was the person who could be used or had the most money.

    Many years later and into adulthood it has messed me up and made me crappy at relationships. But I grew up being taught that "blood was thicker than water" and that we made family relationships work...even though all the family did was FIGHT. Well..I am almost 40 and my parents are deceased.Now I do it my way, I sorted thru my feelings and am trying to let go of the guilt...but anyway...my word of advice is "surround yourself with people that you like/love and that feel the same about you. Good friends , a distant cousin ...a wonderful neighbor. I have 4 siblings still living. One is in prison, one is a mean bitter alcoholic. My only sister is a drug addict. They are mean bitter mean spirited people. I have treated them well for many years. I finally walked away. I hope I am not overstepping boundaries. Maybe your family isnt as bad as mine and I guess I am cynical.

    I am finished with hurtful people. Life is short...I am going to be happy. I hope you can do the same. If someone in your life keeps hurting you over and over intentionally...remove them from your life! Good luck sparkfriend!
    3567 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/18/2008 10:34:26 AM
    It sounds like this is something that has bothered you for a long time. You have two choices, you can either let it go and let it get to you each time it happens, or you can go to those who have hurt you and tell them. Without pointing fingers, speak from your heart and let them know how hurt you are and give some insight. They deserve to know and you owe it to yourself to let those you love know when they are hurting you. Find your voice. emoticon
    3567 days ago
    3567 days ago
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