I don’t know if I can do this?
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I don't know if I can do this?
These were thoughts that actually came to me as I began to browse through all the Spark Pages. Page after page, “I lost 50 Pounds with Spark People,” “I lost 20 pounds with Spark People,” and so on and so on. I sat and wondered how? Just by logging into this site you lost weight? That can’t be right. I’ve been taught that if it looks to good to be true then it probably is.
Well, let me tell you a little story. I was morbidly obese at 38. I lived daily, avoiding the mirror. I lived daily knowing that the Big and Tall store had a pant size bigger than the ones I just bought. I lived with myself expecting nothing more and nothing less. Then one day, it all hit home for me.
Winter came and the snow fell. I wasn’t going to purchase a snow blower. I would shovel the driveway. Oh my! The snow fell and fell. Just shoveling the driveway became a chore that I wanted so desperately to avoid. It was hard. But, as I look back, it was not as hard as another story I will tell you.
I took my son on a skiing trip. Lifts open at nine. We were there at nine. By ten, I was telling my 12 year old son that his Dad could not continue to ski with him and that he could either do it himself or we would have to leave. I told him that I was out of breath, my chest hurt and I could not continue. For goodness sakes son remember, you had to buckle my boots for me.
I do not wish the look my son gave me on anyone, ever! He was devastated but, like the trooper he is, he continued, even without his Dad. His Dad on the other hand went into the lodge, proceeded to purchase a burger, fries and a soda (lunch also came with a huge cookie) and sulk his guilt in the consumption of food. There was nothing I could do about it. Or was there?
You bet there is! Here, at SparkPeople.com, with this family of ours. I have not come across one of us judging the other for how they look or who they are. We are all a part of something worth while. A quest to conquer that fat person on the outside and desperately seek to find that person whom we believe we are one the inside. The glimmer of hope keeps us going. For me it was being able to inspire and motivate other with my story. I held nothing back. I let it all hang out (per se) to help motivate me.
Week one was pretty easy. I began to log my food intake in and started eating within my calorie range. The weight just dropped off. Imagine a 200 pound pumpkin being dropped from a crane at 50 feet and hitting the pavement. Splat! That’s what the first week was like for me. Sure, it was a lot of water weight but there was some fat loss as well. Week two began with high hopes. Then the big weigh in. What, this can’t be right, just 3 pounds lost. The scale must be wrong. The nurse politely explains to me that the scale is calibrated and the number is right. She hesitates and then tells me that no matter how much you lost, it was still a loss and not a gain and that should be something to be proud of. Those were words I incorporated into my journey. No matter if it’s ½ pound loss or 8 pound loss. It’s still a loss and not a gain. That’s been my weekly goal since the beginning.
Well, after 5 months (as of today) and 101 pounds lost, I still live weekly by those words spoken so honestly from the nurse in my doctor’s office. There are still days that food intake is not exactly what I would like it to be. You will be placed in those circumstances. At family functions where the “bad” food is served and there’s no other choice. You have to be strong. I use portion control and then I make up for it the next day by walking, hitting the gym or some outdoor activity.
Every day I feel better and better about myself. I am so excited for the snow season to be upon us. I cannot wait to take my son on a true ski trip, one that he deserves. Actually, there will be many of those. And for the snowfall, bring it on! I’m not going to purchase a snow blower, I am going to do it by hand with a shovel. Now, would that be cardio or strength training in our fitness tracker?
I don’t know if I can do this? I honestly sit here today and wonder why I uttered those thoughts. For those who don’t think you can do it. YES, YOU CAN DO IT! You are worth it. You are worth the change in your eating habits. You are worth every minute you exercise. You are worth every tear you sweat. I know you can do this, I know you can, so get off your lazy behind and get it done! For those who continue to succeed, you rock and keep it up.
For my friends and family, thank you so much for the inspiration, motivation and truly believing in me. I could not have done this without you!