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I don’t know if I can do this?

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I don't know if I can do this?

These were thoughts that actually came to me as I began to browse through all the Spark Pages. Page after page, “I lost 50 Pounds with Spark People,” “I lost 20 pounds with Spark People,” and so on and so on. I sat and wondered how? Just by logging into this site you lost weight? That can’t be right. I’ve been taught that if it looks to good to be true then it probably is.

Well, let me tell you a little story. I was morbidly obese at 38. I lived daily, avoiding the mirror. I lived daily knowing that the Big and Tall store had a pant size bigger than the ones I just bought. I lived with myself expecting nothing more and nothing less. Then one day, it all hit home for me.

Winter came and the snow fell. I wasn’t going to purchase a snow blower. I would shovel the driveway. Oh my! The snow fell and fell. Just shoveling the driveway became a chore that I wanted so desperately to avoid. It was hard. But, as I look back, it was not as hard as another story I will tell you.

I took my son on a skiing trip. Lifts open at nine. We were there at nine. By ten, I was telling my 12 year old son that his Dad could not continue to ski with him and that he could either do it himself or we would have to leave. I told him that I was out of breath, my chest hurt and I could not continue. For goodness sakes son remember, you had to buckle my boots for me.

I do not wish the look my son gave me on anyone, ever! He was devastated but, like the trooper he is, he continued, even without his Dad. His Dad on the other hand went into the lodge, proceeded to purchase a burger, fries and a soda (lunch also came with a huge cookie) and sulk his guilt in the consumption of food. There was nothing I could do about it. Or was there?

You bet there is! Here, at SparkPeople.com, with this family of ours. I have not come across one of us judging the other for how they look or who they are. We are all a part of something worth while. A quest to conquer that fat person on the outside and desperately seek to find that person whom we believe we are one the inside. The glimmer of hope keeps us going. For me it was being able to inspire and motivate other with my story. I held nothing back. I let it all hang out (per se) to help motivate me.

Week one was pretty easy. I began to log my food intake in and started eating within my calorie range. The weight just dropped off. Imagine a 200 pound pumpkin being dropped from a crane at 50 feet and hitting the pavement. Splat! That’s what the first week was like for me. Sure, it was a lot of water weight but there was some fat loss as well. Week two began with high hopes. Then the big weigh in. What, this can’t be right, just 3 pounds lost. The scale must be wrong. The nurse politely explains to me that the scale is calibrated and the number is right. She hesitates and then tells me that no matter how much you lost, it was still a loss and not a gain and that should be something to be proud of. Those were words I incorporated into my journey. No matter if it’s ½ pound loss or 8 pound loss. It’s still a loss and not a gain. That’s been my weekly goal since the beginning.

Well, after 5 months (as of today) and 101 pounds lost, I still live weekly by those words spoken so honestly from the nurse in my doctor’s office. There are still days that food intake is not exactly what I would like it to be. You will be placed in those circumstances. At family functions where the “bad” food is served and there’s no other choice. You have to be strong. I use portion control and then I make up for it the next day by walking, hitting the gym or some outdoor activity.

Every day I feel better and better about myself. I am so excited for the snow season to be upon us. I cannot wait to take my son on a true ski trip, one that he deserves. Actually, there will be many of those. And for the snowfall, bring it on! I’m not going to purchase a snow blower, I am going to do it by hand with a shovel. Now, would that be cardio or strength training in our fitness tracker?

I don’t know if I can do this? I honestly sit here today and wonder why I uttered those thoughts. For those who don’t think you can do it. YES, YOU CAN DO IT! You are worth it. You are worth the change in your eating habits. You are worth every minute you exercise. You are worth every tear you sweat. I know you can do this, I know you can, so get off your lazy behind and get it done! For those who continue to succeed, you rock and keep it up.

For my friends and family, thank you so much for the inspiration, motivation and truly believing in me. I could not have done this without you!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ROCKOROB
    ..............nice emoticon
    4416 days ago
  • GRANDMANANCY
    ((((((HUG))))))
    Nancy
    4418 days ago
  • SUGAFREE4ME
    You are such an inspiration! You are doing great! Keep up the good work!
    emoticon
    4420 days ago
  • MARCQUEY
    Thank you Sean for your blog. Your son is so lucky that you realized sooner rather than later what youhave to do. My son wasn't so lucky and I'm here trying to ensure that I do know what to do and that I make sure I DO IT. You'll make it with your attitude. Have fun in the snow this coming winter.
    4420 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4935369
    What a wonderful Blog it was really motiviating. I think I can do this!
    4420 days ago
  • JULIA_NICOLE
    This is one of the best blogs I have read. I like the honesty you put forth
    4420 days ago
  • JKILPATRICK85
    Thank you for this blog!! I appreciate you sharing your journey with all of us. You are truly an inspiration!
    4594 days ago
  • PRSEIDA
    You have a fabulous attitude. Congratulations on your accomplishment!
    4595 days ago
  • THELIGHTWENTON
    You are awesome, simply awesome. emoticon
    4603 days ago
  • HTIMES3
    Wow. Wow, wow, wow! Enjoy the snow, your son, and your new life! emoticon
    4612 days ago
  • *PBJMOMMY*
    Good Luck on your continued journey!!
    4614 days ago
  • SHANSHE
    Thanjks for this blog and thanks to Jettanala who steered me here to read it. WOW! It made me cry... thanks, it felt as if you told me directly that i can do it.

    I tell myself I can, then I teeter and totter wondering if i really can.

    Anyway, thanks,
    Shannon
    4616 days ago
  • WILDCARD1
    What a great story! I like your weekly goal! It is intimidating at first, but well worth it! Keep up the great work! You will be at your goal in no time!
    4617 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3248497
    Sean my man, that was DEEP!! I enjoyed this blog and this among other things just helps keep that fire burning.

    Thanks for sharing!!
    4617 days ago
  • H-2-OH
    I'm so happy for you (and your son!). What an inspirational accomplishment!

    I'm sure the snow will be here soon!
    emoticon
    4617 days ago
  • LIVE_TO_LOVE
    You are such an inspiration! Thank you for sharing , Sean! I'm *SPARKED*! Your son has a wonderful father....Keep on letting it "all hang out" ~ it's all good!
    4617 days ago
  • JETTANALA
    Sean, amazing accomplishment and you will continue to do so and to keep it off, because this time, here... with all of your spark team... it is for real and it is for good... There is magic in sparkland if you believe and if you do the work and if you, as you so joyously stated.. if you share yourself with others to help others! You are an awesome guy Sean!!
    4618 days ago
  • REAL_FOOD
    Wow! I'm so happy for you that you have made so many positive changes in your life. You'll be giving your son more than a ski trip-- you're giving him a lesson in health, perseverence and commitment. What wonderful gifts.

    Lori
    Teal
    4618 days ago
  • TELERIE
    Congratulations! This blog was so inspiring! Thanks for giving me the SPARK and HOPE that I can DO IT TOO! emoticon
    4618 days ago
  • WILDWESTWOMAN
    Sean, what can I say? You totally rock! You are an inspiration, and what a wonderful example you are to your son and all of us.
    Ruth
    300+ Team
    4618 days ago
  • BOTZZZ
    Sean Sean Sean, good read, You have done a great thing and you understand that its your choice to make and you have done what ya gotta do. keep it up and you know I got your back.

    As Ever
    The man in the mirror
    4618 days ago
  • CECE0330
    Stories like yours give me the *spark* to keep going at this thing. In a mere 5 months you have improved your life by leaps and bounds; your health, your self image, and so important: you are setting SUCH a great example for your son. He is seeing you take responsibility for your previous habits, and change them. I can't think of a better thing!
    4618 days ago
  • JUSTLYLE
    Just a SUPER blog, you have done soo well on your "life style' change. Sparks is great and so are you. Skeeter emoticon
    4618 days ago
  • TWIXXX
    Thank you! Thank you! emoticon
    4619 days ago
  • ILOVESNAXXX
    What you wrote is beyond amazing.

    I can't tell you how inspired I am by you.

    Thank you for sharing the ups, the downs and the triumphs.

    Chrissy
    4619 days ago
  • LEOTAY1
    What an achievement you have accomplished in such a short amount of time. CONGRATULATIONS!! You are well on your way and should be proud of your success. You truly are an inspiration to many people. Be proud and continue to be strong, and motivated. Good luck on the up and coming ski trip. I am sure that your family and especially your son are proud of your accomplishment. Keep up the great work. Blessings to you and yours.
    4619 days ago
  • KARMADRAGON8
    Congrats on your unbelieveable success. To do what you've done in such a short period of time takes total commitment. You inspire me.

    Your fellow Forest Green PiMp
    Monica
    4619 days ago
  • _THEA_
    Wow Sean... we are so lucky to have you as a part of our Forest Green Team! Your blog is truly inspirational and I bet your son is so proud of you! Congratulations on that 101 lbs lost!
    4619 days ago
  • PUPPYWHISPERS
    Sean, I think you're awesome! Thank you for writing this!

    I share your excitement, and I can feel it through my computer monitor. Having said that, I don't share your excitement for the snow season just yet, but I'm sure I'll get there soon.

    You are such an inspiration to me! emoticon
    4619 days ago
  • ANGELBLEU
    oh my, you literally about made me cry... the part about your son and the ski trip, I have done that sorta scenario so many times.. AND I have hated it! You are truly awesome and correct. SP is a non judgmental family who cares about everyone! keep it up you have done a GREAT JOB!
    4619 days ago
  • MUZIKFRK75
    Purely awesome. Congrats!
    4619 days ago
  • MKLOMBARD333
    What an inspiring, moving blog. Congratulations on your weight loss, and in finding your inner self. Thanx for sharing your journey with us.

    Blessings,
    Mary
    4619 days ago
  • TERJEGOLD
    Your family is blessed to have someone like you in their lives. I can't wait to see photos of your son skiing past you down the slopes this winter. You are giving your family memories, a long, healthy life and a beautiful person your family can look up to. Your journey is inspiring and I hope it is seen my others who are just now taking the first step and doubting whether change is possible. Bless you.
    4619 days ago
  • JAYMATTER
    emoticon
    4619 days ago
  • LIBGRIMMETT
    The honesty of your blog is just what I needed - I have convinced myself over the years that my weight really didn't bother me but the older I have gotten and the less that I can do are taking a major toll on my self-worth and self-esteem. Thanks so much for leading with your heart and God Bless you!!

    Lib
    4619 days ago
  • .DUSTY.
    That "Lost 101+ Pounds" Looks so Awesome! emoticon
    Oh, and along with those 101 photos take one with your son. Love and pride in his eyes! Always! emoticon
    4619 days ago
  • VEEJAY3
    OHMYGOSH, I LOVE this blog!!!
    I love it, love it, love it, am motivated by it, and recognize myself in it.

    I was just thinking about such an incident yesterday -- one that I find so embarrassing now, where I had to have looked so pitiful in my child's eyes. But YOU were brave enough to write about it and inspire so many people with your story.

    Amen.
    Amen.
    >(I'm a Denver girl, so I'm looking forward to the snow and the skiing this year, too. I know it will be sooooo much easier to buckle those boots.)

    4619 days ago
  • DEEJAYOK
    I found your blog to be very inspiring. I tried snowboarding with my now husband when we were in college, and even after 3 days of lessons I still couldn't even stand up! Thank you so much for sharing your story, your success and your inspiration.
    4619 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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