Moment of Weakness
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
I took my regular strengthening class today. This class is pretty intense, but I am getting strong enough to handle it - or so I thought. Today I was struggling to keep up from the beginning but I tried to push through. My body didn't take that very well. About halfway through the class I started to get light headed. I knew that I needed to take it easy, so I eased up a bit, hoping the faint feeling would go away. A few minutes later I was back to normal...until the next wave hit me. I put down my weights and left the class for a few minutes, lying down on the mats outside until my head cleared. I should have just left for good, but I felt bad leaving all of my stuff sitting there and just not coming back. So I went back to class, only to feel light headed the rest of the way through.
Towards the end, the instructor came over to me and asked me if I was all right. I told her I was fine, which obviously wasn't true...I was white as a ghost. (I'm pale, but not THAT pale.) I was embarrassed that the instructor had to check on me. It was nice of her, but I know what I would think if someone passed out in class - I would think they were abusing their body in some way. Either by not eating enough, exercising too much, or something else. I guess that's the judmental side of me coming through. I just wanted to tell her - I take care of myself! I'm strong, I am not weak!
I am really frustrated with my body for responding that way. I mean, I have done this class so many times before - why get faint today? I ate plenty beforehand, I drank tons of water during the day...I just don't get it. The only thing I can think of is that I had to take two BCP's today because I forgot yesterday. Perhaps that messed with me a bit?
Oh well, I guess I just need to listen to my body in the future and not push myself when I'm not feeling well. I am just disappointed because I feel like I was making progress. I know this setback is only temporary, but mentally, it makes me feel like I'm back to where I was 8 months ago. I'm sure that feeling will pass, I just need to give myself a break and let it go.