CANNOTFATHOM

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Working out

Monday, August 11, 2008

15 years ago I was an avid walker. I use to log 35-70 miles a week. I was pretty OCD about doing it too...if something messed up my schedule for the day, I was quite annoyed if I couldn't get out there and log my miles.


Now that I am trying to make healthier changes, I find I am not as comfortable with workouts that I could do out and about. I do all my working out at home. I think that is because I am self conscious. Strange thing is...I don't move any less slower than I did when I was slimmer. I can walk at a really good pace.

I really need to think about how important it is really the way I feel about how I am perceived and why it should matter to me. This has been one of my quandaries.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TIERRAJ
    I totally relate to what you said here. I have different diagnosis, but for me, I think it all boils down to fear. I love walking, and have pretty much my whole life. We moved a lot and it never failed that I would always find a walking trail or route to let off some energy and find an adventure. Now a days, I struggle with opening my front door, paranoia, fear and anger, I hate that, I do not like feeling that way. I have been yelled at when I was younger and nowhere my weight, I was about 60lbs lighter, was at a park running and a car drove by with a group of guys in it and one yelled out "GO JOIN JENNY CRAIG YOU FAT BITCH". I was completely crushed. I had been working out and it was so hard for me to get out and make myself go, and that really hurt. I know they didnt know me and were probably some young jerks that didnt know better, but my skin was and is just not as thick as it could be to not let insults get me down. Anyways, sorry for the long comment, you aren't alone in being self conscious because of people like that that do not realize how harmful words can be. But if we let them keep us fearful of the world and what ifs, we will not become the person we want to become, and that is strong, healthy, confident Women, right? Good luck this week and I bid you goodnight. emoticon
    4417 days ago
  • RANGERAMPS
    Have you tried Walk Away the Pounds (WATP)? You might want to check it out: http://www.lesliesansone.com/walk/
    4418 days ago
  • AWESOMEFOREVER
    Walking when you are big makes people notice...and stare, and stare. I always loved to walk but my knees did me in. Thanks to a cortisone shot I am walking again........really walking not limping along.



    Linda
    4469 days ago
  • YEPITSMEH
    You haven't blogged in awhile, how are you doing? :)
    4511 days ago
  • KITEFLYINGAL
    when i first started walking I weighed 330lbs.. i felt very self conscious too.. then i put on my MP3 player one day and that was the end of that.. I joined our local community club and started on the treadmill with my music or a book in my ears and never paid any attention to others in the gym. I was finally doing something that was just for me and altho it hurt body wize it also gave me confidence that I could do this.

    Now I am like you were 15 years ago.. my body craves walking and I log my miles daily.. Why don't you call your local park and recreation dept and find out what trails are available in your area and do some trail walking? I love this.. I'm out in nature, getting my exercise and nobody is there to look..

    Remember how good you used to feel when you were walking.. give it a try again and to heck with anyone else.. this journey is all about you... emoticon

    Many smiles to you, debbie
    4550 days ago
  • MAGGIE_K
    I feel that way alot.. I am just trying to push towards it.. by not thinking about what others think I'm focusing more on why I am doing the workout.. which is for *me* not for the way I look but for my health.. when I put it in that perspective it is easier.. I still have a hard time at the gym when the machines face the mirrors.. that is the part I can't stand...


    4553 days ago
  • CORIEFLASH
    mine too. that's the biggest reason i won't go to a gym. i totally lose my motivation when i see a stick figure walk by me and hop on the treadmill running for an hour while i'm panting away at the elliptical. I hope you get past it but if you feel more confident working out at home, do it. it's your way and that's all that matters.
    4575 days ago
  • DEEANN8
    I used to feel that way about working out anywhere but home. Then I hit bottom, and didn't care what anyone thought -- that was a good thing. NOW, if I can just get my butt back into ANY exercise routine - lol

    Have a great day
    4582 days ago
  • RENAISSANCEGIRL
    Yep, right there with you. Well, not the former jock role, but the self-consciousness. I think I remember gym class in junior high when I was always the last one picked for a team, the last one to complete any track event, the only one who couldn't do a pull-up, the total dork who got the brush-off even from the gym teacher. It totally sucked.

    And so, even today, I will not work out in public, except at places like Curves, but I am going cheap now, and don't want to pay for that membership. So I work out at home.

    On the other hand, in every other way, I don't much care what people think. It's like GMWAITE said. No one cares even 1/1000 about what you look like as they do themselves. This thought got me on the beach every summer when I lived on the Jersey Shore. After the first day, I was fine, but getting there the FIRST day of the season was a challenge.

    Pushing through seems to be the key, so I hope you will find a way to either push through the initial days when your self-consciousness gets the better of you, OR simply shrug your shoulders, work out in the privacy of your home, and when you're ready, you'll go outside to do it. What matters right now (I think ~ others may disagree) is that you're working out at all, somewhere.

    Just believe in yourself and don't worry!
    sue

    emoticon
    4589 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/13/2008 5:40:09 PM
  • STAYPRESENT
    Hi,

    I also want to encourage you. Just last night at the gym I kept looking in the mirror and at others. I "feel" so much more out of shape than the others. It is something I really have to let go. I'm me and I am learning to accept everything about myself.

    I did the walk/jog thing for a while and it did work. Now I can jog again. The gym is ok, but my favorite is jogging or walking out of doors.

    Go for it girl! emoticon

    Terri
    4589 days ago
  • BAMATHIN
    Just keep working at it, Penny. We know you can do this and you know you can do this. Just get back into the habit and the swing and I think you'll be great. *hugs* I have so much faith in you!
    4590 days ago
  • WONKGRRRL
    Penny, Thanks for the encouragement on my blog! Re: self-consciousness, the first time I lost weight (~15 years ago, and "only" about 35#), I joined a women's gym and almost embraced the role of newbie, standing in the front row of classes, laughing at myself when I messed up. In short order, I could follow all the moves and fit right in. But I guess my self-consciousness then had more to do w/coordination and not being accustomed to exercise than my size. Now it's a different story, though I still try not to worry too much about what I look like when I walk outdoors. If I go early in the morning, many of the other people who're out are also exercising and I figure if they even notice me, they're probably thinking, "Good for her for getting active!"
    4590 days ago
  • KIWI121
    Penny, I know what you mean. I walk at an outdoor track but it's hard to get past that self conscious feeling. Working out at home is a good compromise, and it's enough that you're doing that.
    4590 days ago
  • TERRMOR
    That mileage is impressive.

    I know exactly what you are talking about. The first time I started feeling that way I stayed home a lot and then I started thinking "How did I perceive someone that was heavy when I was thin?" I never thought anything about it. I was always the one who got bullies off of kids too. I guess it isn't in me but there are always bullies out there. I finally said Hell with it. There are more nice ones than mean ones. When I see heavy women , me included, tearing up the pavement I am impressed.
    Go out there and enjoy the sunshine and you will be healthier for it.
    Have a great night and enjoy the sunshine.
    Terri
    4591 days ago
  • YOOHOORENEE
    I have to agree with GMWAITE....but I am so in the same boat as you Penny.

    I do most of my workouts in the house - with the exception of riding my bike BUT I only go out and ride my bike if someone else goes with me.

    I told my son that this week I want to try a new thing where we actually go OUTSIDE and walk our neighborhood. I want to walk two minutes and try to run for 1 minute and keep that cycle up until I can just run. I don't know how well this will work but I have read about all these runners and I want to run one day too - but again that requires going OUTSIDE...tee hee.

    It sounds silly saying it out loud but I feel your pain girl! Set your goal and you can do it!
    emoticon
    4591 days ago
  • GMWAITE
    One of the greatest gifts I received upon turning 40 was the realization that I was suddenly able to not give a tinker's damn about what other people thought of me. When I was in my 20s and just slightly overweight, I percieved myself as a "cow" and would never be caught dead at the beach. How I regret the time wasted.

    Go out. Nobody CARES what you are doing. Everyone is so absorbed in themselves that they don't notice you, trust me. And even if they do - what possible value would you derive or lose from the approval or disapproval of people you don't know and will likely never see again, let alone have any meaningful relationship with?

    You have ONE life. It COULD end tomorrow. Are you going to spend it cowering in your house alone because some stranger may develop a fleeting and insignificant thought about how you LOOK?

    Maybe I am the only one, but I have never seen anyone rise from their grave and go for a walk in the sun.
    4591 days ago
  • RAVON27
    I know where you're coming from! WHY do we care so much? My DH is always telling me that no one else is better than me so why do I worry about what they think! I still don't have an answer for him! Love your pink flowers on the background.
    4591 days ago
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