2 Year Old Temper Tantrum

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

OK... I am 63 years old and I am happy with my age and my time of life.

Today I regressed! I had a full blown 2 year old temper tantrum. Luckily, no one else was home except me and the dogs and cat.

My day started off great. Today is water exercise class and I love it. I love the time in the water to swim laps before the class and I feel so good when the class is over. From there I walked across the parking lot to the Senior Center for a bit of card playing and lunch.

All of a sudden, the craving for a cigarette hit me like a ton of bricks. I quit smoking February 1 of this year. Not a single cigarette February, Match, April, May, and June. Hooray for me.

Three weeks ago I started getting these cravings again. I would obsess about the cigarette. How am I going to get to the store and buy a pack without my daughter knowing about it? How can I smoke a cigarette without my daughter smelling it on me?

I have suppressed these cravings .... or so I thought !!!

I had to have a cigarette today or I was going to press the red button and start a nuclear war. By the time I got home from the Senior Center I was furious that I was not allowed to smoke.

I searched the kitchen for food to eat. All we have is fruit and veggies. The closest we come to junk in the house is whole wheat crackers. I had 6 of them !!!

I am just seething because I don't have a cigarette! My mind is so focused on how unfair it is that I can not smoke. The world hates me. I want a cigarette !!!! I want to lay on the floor and kick my feet!!!

There has to be one in the house somewhere .....we have 2 ex-smokers so someone has to have a cigarette somewhere. I ripped into the purses in my closet and searched all the ones that are hanging there unused.

I found a crinkled pack in an old purse with 3 bent cigarettes in it!! HOORAY!!!

I ran into the kitchen and found the lighter we use for candles and ran outside to the patio.

I smoked that stale cigarette tasted BLAH !!! ... now my mouth tastes terrible too!!

Do I want another one? No !!! NO !!

Am I ashamed of myself? Nah, I don't beat myself over the head for being human.

I'll just start all over again ....I really don't want to smoke and I am proud that I quit.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Another great post Ro. I see now that you didn't beat yourself up over it.. very good! HUMAN! haha
    4689 days ago
  • no profile photo TMROTH
    Now hear this young lady.

    Cig's are BAD. BAD, BAD, Bad. Can you hear me. B-A- D.

    Wht a blessing that you found some old stale crumbled ones though. If it was a fresh pack you might have liked them and started again. So that is good news. Really it is.
    I'm glad you shared that with us. We are all human and will get the cravings for bad things. you kicked it - again.
    emoticon them. You don't need or WANT them.

    Good for you.
    4692 days ago
    Ro, I'm glad you stopped with a crumpled one. Maybe you should keep some of the nicotine patches on hand, just in case.
    4692 days ago
  • LUVDANCE6803
    Hmmm, do we have to get a "time out chair" for you? LOL. Just kidding. First of all, I'm glad that you stopped beating yourself up over it. You should be so proud of the fact that you stopped and have been stopped for such a long time. You had a craving again, gave in to it and found out it wasn't as great as you thought it would be so now it's over and you know you won't be doing that again!! So if they would have a high 5 emoticon on here I'd give it to you, but since they don't, here's a emoticon

    4692 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3239596
    I am proud that you quit, dad passed away from lung cancer. Although it was not cigarette related (asbestos instead)...the end is still the is such a hard thing to watch a loved one end a beautiful life in that way. Think about that the next time you want one....maybe it will deter you......hope today is easier for you, my friend.....we always have to be paying attention to what is going on and make sure we don't trade one addiction for another ....right? take care, The Queen
    4693 days ago
    You are doing GREAT! I quit (ok my husband made me quit) almost 14 years ago. You made it through the worst part. I probably had one or 2 cigs at parties a few times a year for the first 10 years and now I may still have one when I visit my sister in law(last time was almost 2 years ago).......but I still consider myself a non smoker. And I am SO glad I quit! I know I am so much healthier and I wouldn't want our son to see me smoking. So I wouldn't think you even have to consider yourself "starting over" - you had a momentary lapse, as long as it doesn't become a daily or even weekly habit you are still doing great!
    4693 days ago
  • KERI65
    (((((((((((Ro))))))))))) emoticon
    4693 days ago
    lol lol .. GO TO YOUR ROOM AND STAY THERE.. no wait .. i congratulate you for owning up to it..
    now go and throw away those other 2 stale cig..'s
    you do not want them..

    and eat another cracker..
    my house is the same it has nothing but healthy food in it.. but it does have some walnuts. and when i am really craving i just have to have something. i reach for the nuts. or sit here and read and post..

    and i also heard and have found out if you get pepermint choc. chips and put them in the frezzer when you really need choc. just have a spoonfull of them. it takes awhile for frozen chips to melt.. and then go walking.

    hugs from donna
    4693 days ago
    omg Im so glad you didnt buy a pack, proud of you!!!!
    you need to join the classy quitters, there is so much support and help next time you have a craving they can talk you through it, they also have a panic button for times when you might have a tantrum!!! go check it out , sparkytheseal is a great friend and tazzie and cheri are great too!!! good luck always jilly

    4693 days ago
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