Who I saw in the Mirror

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Recently I have either binged or not eaten at all. Neither one of them was really noted by myself UNTIL a couple of days ago. I found myself reflecting what I saw in myself. I do think I get in a party of pity as I don't have family in the area, nor have I established any friends outside of the time that I worked. Oh, I attend some functions, but I am quiet, which is part of my personality.

The reflecting of myself took place in a restuarant as I was having breakfast. I wasn't hungry, I didn't think or feel that I was lonely. Then, I watched others as they came in. I sipped on my coffee and saw them enter couples, friends, or coworkers. Talking, laughing, discussing business and things of the world. My active thought was how I would be getting my breakfast soon and things would be better for me. Hmm, my food would make things better for me.. That was an awakening to me.

I never thought of food as a friend. Just seemed to be somthing to do until something else came along. But, nothing else has come along....

Later I got to the car and I pulled out the compact mirror, and as I applied my lipstick I took a good look at ME. Who I saw didn't displease me. I looked at her and saw a friendly person, someone who saw the funnier side of life, most of the time. I saw a person I liked..I didn't love her... might not ever. But I did like her. But, I knew if I had a good friend that I liked and saw that she was going down a destructive road I would say something to her. I knew then that I should be my own best friend.

Still, as I started the car I wasn't sure that I wanted to be my own best friend. Relationships are work...hard work. Did I want to really do that.
I have thought about that for a few days and today I know.. that friend I saw in the mirror...well, yes, she is worth the hard work. Developing self worth, a kindness to one's self, the internal love of self is hard and will be tough. But I know that person I saw in the mirror is going down a destructive road made of food choices. Will my friends outside of myself increase or become one of my best buddies. Who knows.. but for now I want to be my own best friend. Healthy and enjoying life., besides I am worth knowing...
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  • PALOMA71
    What a good honest reflection. It is so easy to fool one's self, but that keeps us where we are. The most important person to take care of and love is yourself, if that doesn't happen there's no room for anyone or anything else.

    It is much easier to spend time alone, than to pick up the phone and schedule something with another. One can also schedule a date with one's self--an important step in maintaining a healthy relationship with life.

    Thank you for your thoughts, good luck in your food plan, and I will root for you and follow your advice.
    3594 days ago
    Hi Summer,
    I recently joined SP, member for about four days now! It's such a awesome site...and a great way to make new friends. Hope you count me in as your friend. ! I found your Blogs very forthright and introspective...
    They say, "The third time's a charm!" Good Luck, and hang in there!!!
    Mary Momcat emoticon

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    3598 days ago
  • JOEGIRL6113
    Summer, this is truly a great reflection of yourself. I'm glad that you are going to make an effort to be your own best friend. I know things are not always easy and sometimes we make bad choices. I am here for you too as much as I can be. Sorry I have been gone a lot and I really miss a lot of you. Keep on trying! Love, Rosy emoticon
    3607 days ago
    A really great, reflective message!
    Been there, Done that!
    Don't give up the fight - it is hard work! When I got up this morning I thought of Independence Day and it struck me that I wanted "Independence" from all the distracting, destructive things in my life. A lot of those things are self-inflicted. I can do this but it will take a lot of work. But like you've discovered, "I'm worth it!". Good luck to you!!
    3611 days ago
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