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A Temporary Leave For The Fat Chick

Saturday, June 28, 2008


The fat chick is taking a leave of absence, but not before one last tale. I swear I must have lost so much weight yesterday, just jumping through hoops (no not literally). It all started when mom in law finally came through with some money to help us out, but once that happened it was like I was in a game show. "Finish the errands in less than 2 hours and win this place to live!" I can almost hear Chuck Woolery announcing it, yea I'm that old that I know about him. Anyways, she lets me borrow her car, but I have to have it back no later than 3:30 and it was already after 1pm. So I drive her back to work, then have to bolt across town to drop the kids off at my sister in laws (lack of options). At this point 30minutes have already passed, and I still have to drive out to Applebee's to get Matt's paycheck, typical woman right? WRONG...I needed it so I could pay to get the electric turned on (long story). It's about quarter to two and he hasn't even gotten it yet, so I'm waiting, and waiting, and waiting...ever get the feeling life is nothing but hurry up and wait. So he gives it to me, and anyone who knows New York's weather, knows it was 85 and super humid out...I hadn't had breakfast yet and I just wanted one, so I got me a free chocolate milkshake from him...being a cook's wife does have its benefits every now and then. It's after two and I haven't begun to get things done yet, and I still have to go to the bank to cash the check. Traffic sucks as usual, but I didn't think I would have more trouble with it once I got into the parking lot for the bank...WRONG again...I turn right and have the right away when this psycho crazy bitch, cuts me off...what the hell...well I had more choice words than that coming out of my mouth, but I think censorship is needed here and I think you get the idea. She did all this just to get one spot closer in the drive thru at the bank...she still had to wait forever...stupid people piss me off. Moving on, I get the cash and I leave, only to see her waiting at the light and I think to myself, gee was it worth almost crashing just to sit next to me again, and then I turned right on red and she was still sitting there. There is a lesson in there somewhere, but I don't know what it is. On my way now to the electric company, and its already 2:30pm-yup took that long. I pull in and see some guy (not even old) slooooooooowly walking to the building, well I don't have time for that, so I dart around him and thank god I did, there was only one person in there helping everyone. I was happy to be next, but I don't think the people behind me were too thrilled. First I had to pay off an old bill, then I had to turn service on at the new address, but I didn't have a rent reciept and I was not about to go track one down, so the worker had to call the landlord to get permission to turn the service on...messed up right? What seemed to take hours was only 15-20minutes...but the people behind me were getting restless. Out of nowhere I hear "Can we get someone else out here to help us!?" This was right after the worker called for more help, more stupid people. I could feel their eyes burning into the back of my head, as I finished up, I had just as much right to take forever as the next guy. Jump in the car, time to pay the first months rent and get the keys...woohoo. I get there, throw a dime in the meter (gave me 20minutes) and waltz into the reality company thinking I finished everything in record time. Can you hear the game show buzzer yet....EEEEHHHHH WRONG! First there was a couple of guys who didn't speak a lick of English, god I love America! Then as if to make matters worse, the women was 112years old and moved as though she was 200. I spend about 10minutes just trying to hand her the cash, but then she tells me she doesn't know where the keys are...wonderful! Gives me the owners number and tells me to call to set up a time to get the keys, whatever, then she starts to call him, why tell me to call then!??! "He's at the house now and will be here soon to give you the keys...can you wait?" Like I have a choice...this man holds my destiny in his hands, I either wait for the keys or stick my thumb up my ass while I sit in front of a locked house. He shows up, thank god! Oh wonderful, he is older than her! Isn't there a rascal out there somewhere that would get these people to move a lil bit quicker? I grab the keys, say thank you and run to the car, check the meter thinking I went over my 20minutes (seemed like it), how funny, I had two minutes to spare. I had to run over to the house to make sure the keys worked, and that the electric was on, YES to both...just got 2000points. Now to get back to sister in law's place to get the kids...of course she didn't have them ready, couldn't even put their lunch gear back in the bag I sent. Wrangle up the kids and struggle to get them into their carseats, Campbell fights it of course, and we take off back to mom in laws work. I made it, with little time to spare, I had until 3:30pm and got there at 3:25pm...I guess I win the game! *Insert cheezy game show music here*. I forgot to mention one little detail that made the day more challenging. I had on a pair of capris that I bought when I was pregnant with Taylin, and since I didn't know how much bigger I would get, I bought them big...well that's exactly how they fit now. Every three feet I have to stop and hike up my pants, I kid you not. So mom in law drops us all off at home (old home) and I have to quickly get the kids out so she can get back to work, I start walking with Taya, still in her carseat and as I take a step up, I slowly feel my pants start to fall...good thing I had a long shirt on. I take another step and have to stop, one more step and they are gonna be on the ground. Hike them back up, all while still holding her. Get her on the porch and I have to go back and get Camp, same scenario only he can walk, in one hand I'm carrying his booster seat and the other, is him, he decided to be defiant. I can't stop this time, picture if you will the stance a ballarina takes before she does a wide squat dip thing (you get the idea), well that's how I was walking to the porch. I finally get inside with the kids, I kick on the air conditioner and I sit down. What a bad day not to have water chilled in the fridge, I could have really used some. So that was my day of getting ready to move, I can only imagine how hectic moving day will be. I hope you enjoyed this last fat chick blog...when I get back I promise to write a new one. Until then, remember, anything worth getting is worth the work, and everyone on here is worth it. Take care everyone!
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