WAAAAAAAAAAAY overdue blog!

Friday, June 06, 2008

Has it really been since January that I blogged? I am having a really hard time focusing enough to even write this. I don't know how to organize my thoughts or wrap my head around what has been going on with me!

I think I'll start with the GOOD things so this won't be too depressing... One of the best pieces of news is my reduction in medication. I suffered for many years with depression and took significant meds which I am completely off of- YAY. I am also completely off of my blood pressure medicaion that I have been taking for YEARS. I am monitoring it every day and so far so good. I am enrolled in the CAGS program (Certificate of Advanced Graduate Studies) which will get me certified as a superintendent and then will get my doctorate. Soooooo

Why have I fallen off the wagon SOOOO badly? I'm not sure. I think I was so cocky about losing almost 50 pounds that I felt like I had this whole thing "conquered". I was eating really well, buying lots of new clothes in the "regular" section and getting loads of compliments. I kept thinking I could do a few "bad" things here or there and it wouldn't hurt me. At some point I woke up and reallized that I have put on almost 15 pounds! It feels like it happened over night but OBVIOUSLY it didn't. I have also been feeling at the top of world because I am doing the breast cancer walk (60 miles, 3 days) in August. I think all the walking made me hungry and I feel like I can eat lots of extra food. I think I would have to walk to China to make up for what I've been eating!

So I need a plan. I made TONS of amazing friends on spark but I have been negligent with that as well. I stopped tracking because "I had it all figured out" and I stopped posting on threads because "I'm too busy". If I don't make some time to get back on track, I'm going to be right back where I started. If I don't admit I'm spiraling out of control and get back into my support network, I'll regret it for the rest of my life!

So for the couple of rough things going on....One of my 5 kitties was just diagnosed with cancer and is shriveling away to nothing. I have been spoon feeding him twice a day and doing IV fluids once per day and antibiotics, prednisone and a liver supplement too. I am exhausted and sad....

I also spent a good part of last Friday in the hospital with my leg and foot swollen up like a balloon. I was rushed for an ultrasound and they suspected a blood clot. They found a baker's cyst behind my knee but aren't sure that explains all the swelling. I see an orthopaedist next Thursday and need to stay off of it and keep it elevated. I am devastated about the impact this has on my training. He said I can still walk some but not all the miles I have been. I HAVE to do the walk, I HAVE to get through August. I am staying positive and will wait to see the specialist.

So, enough of my rambling.....if you have bothered to read this, thank you! I need my friends more than ever! Please give me a serious kick in the pants and stick by me. I promise I'll try to do the same for you!
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  • MARI195
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon for you and your 5 kitties. For me, my kitties are like grandkids...and very special part of my life.
    Special thoughts and prayers for the one with cancer and for you and your foot and leg. I know you'll do your walk! Also, congrats on your being able to reduce your Med's and your being enrolled in the CAGS program!
    4689 days ago
    ((((((((((((((((Patty Patty Pattyyyyyyy))))))))))))))))))))
    Sweetie, I don't even know what to say or where to start, so I'll hit the sad stuff first.
    I soooo feel your pain in what you are going through with your lil kitty having been diagnosed with cancer. Remember I lost my best friend Shadow to cancer a year ago on 5/30th? emoticon It is such an awful awful indescribable kind of pain. Here it is a year later, and I still ache some days as if it were just yesterday that I lost him. The good news? The pain does get easier to handle. And you will have soo many wonderful memories that no-one or nothing can take away from you!
    You do have one thing I would have given anything to have--- time to prepare and say your goodbyes. I took Shadow to the vet one day, and had to let the cancer take him the very next. I wasn't even there when he closed his eyes for the last time and left this earth. THAT haunts me to this day. BUT-- I hold on to the fact that I KNOW he had almost 13 yrs of a wonderful spoiled life, and that he knew I loved him more than life. You too will have that feeling once your lil guy is gone. He knows how much you love him. And THAT is THE best thing we could EVER give to our pets!! I completely feel your pain & soo totally know what you're going through with this... so if you need a shoulder, please lean on me!!

    YIKES on the whole being rushed in for an ultrasound for your knee!!! What is a baker's cyst?? It must be completely frustrating to not be able to get up and do what you're used to and want to. But your health is paramount!! Keep those legs elevated missy or I'll bend you over my knee and paddle your booty!!! emoticon
    You have so many people pulling for, and praying for you, that you will be back up to your spunky ole self before you know it! emoticon I already said a prayer that you will be back up and training very soon! What about laying down and doing tummy crunches? You can do that with your legs elevated. LOL hehehe When it comes down to it-- it's all about becoming lazy. I think we all find any excuse to get out of doing any kind of exercise. Whether subconsciously or on purpose. I am #1 first in line with that!!! "Oh Tanner's birthday party is this weekend, I'll start Monday." Or "Er's graduation weekend is this weekend, I'll start Monday." And it is never ending! To where I have gained back damn near all of my weight! pfffft! Shame on me!!! I need a serious kick in the booty myself. So how bout we swap!!! Me first though!!! lmaooo :-P

    I have to say Patty- you have given me some inspiration in "wanting" to come back to SP. I have been away far too long!! I have missed you too!
    Bob and I are getting married in Sept. 2009. So I really have a reason (not that I didn't before, but) to get off my lazy arse and make it happen. I started doing my Walk Away the Pounds for Diabetes DVD last Monday. And I will be doing it Monday, Wed, & Friday... for now. Jen and I met up for a walk 2 weeks ago. It was really nice to see her again and catch up. She is such a great person!! I asked her about a walk tomorrow, but haven't heard from her on that. Either way, I will get in my 2 miles. :)

    And WOW lady!!!! I can't believe you are completely off anti-depressants and BP meds!!! WTG!!! That is sooooo amazing!!! Those are just a couple of the great great things to come your way!!! You know you need to get back here--- and so do I. I really do. Even if I don't get back to any of my groups, etc. I NEED to check in here every day!! Reality check!!! lol
    I had gotten down to 269, and am back up to 292. I have kept 10 pounds off... and I plan to make keep those off and move downward from here.
    Ericka graduated yesterday Yay!!! so she will be home every day (other than working 3-9) so she will be here able to exercise with me, etc. I know she would like to lose at least 30-40 lbs too. So when I'm done here-- I'm going to make a weight loss chart. For she and I. I see my endocrinologist next month. I really need to get off 15 lbs by then. I am also going to talk to her about having the fat removed from my gut for medical reasons. It is becoming a real detriment to my health. I honestly believe that was where I really went downhill. Way back when, when I had started the Dr. Phil diet (4 yrs ago)... I was working my arse off--- eating great--- I even bought a brand new pair of jeans because as well as I had been doing, I knew I had to be losing weight... but I was gaining weight in my upper stomach. (now my whole stomach is huge) That was when I was diagnosed as having NASH, & being pre-diabetic. And it has only gotten worse since. I need help too. I need a support system! I'm really tired, I am so sick and tired of being this fat ugly person. Yes, fat makes you ugly when your face looks bloated and nothing like you're used to seeing look back at you in the mirror. I have become insecure as far as Bob is concerned. My anxiety has gotten worse. So it IS time to get up--- smack myself upside the head--- and quit feeling sorry for myself!! ;) I'll be here checking in every day!! So I'm here for you gf!!
    I had sent you my email a while back too. Not sure if you got that. But reach out if you need someone, for what ever reason!!
    Keep your chin up and KNOW you have a lot of people here who really understand and care and want to be there for you!!!

    Big hugs!!!!
    4690 days ago
    Geez woman! Such a wide array of things going on in your life! I wish for you to have all the energy you need to get through all of them (rubs magic lamp). Sorry to hear about your kitty... *hugs*. I would kick you if I didn't need a swift kick myself, so I'm going to spare ya this time. It is good you noticed where you are going wrong before you got back up to where I am... ya know? I think it is good you are getting a handle on it now. Good luck, I know you can do it girl. I hope your leg feels better too. Hang in there!

    4690 days ago
    (((((PATTY CAKE))))))!! I am so glad that you came back here to let us know how things are in your life....you are truly someone that I and obviously so many others miss so much. I have lots to say so I'll save space and sparkmail ; D (((((HUGS))))
    4691 days ago
    *stares at Patty in discontent*
    being ingoring friends ....
    being cocky because you knew it all.
    doing bad things because it must be possible ...
    *kicks Patty in pants as requested(

    Wunderfull your of all those meds ... (I just gained some LOL) Even better congrets on the CAGS programm!

    Now just get back in to gear and start sparking again ... wether it's on SP ore else were ;) ... You're always welcome in my Pit.

    {{{HUGS}}} for the kitty,
    4691 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1527838
    ((((((((((Patty)))))))))) Congrats on getting off your meds! That is an awesome accomplishment! Good luck with CAGS and with your cancer walk! I just did the relay for life which is an over night cancer walk, I did 14.6 miles during it, I would love to work my way up to be able to do the 3 day walk that you are doing!

    I'm sorry that you fell off the wagon! The great news is that we are still here for you to love you, support you, and to kick your butt back on to the wagon! You have done this before, so we KNOW you can do this!!! We are here to help you, so if you need anything PLEASE ask! I am SO excited that you signed up for BL9...I think that will help you a lot, and it will be great to see you on the boards again!

    I am SO sorry about your kitty! I have gone through something similar with one of my cats, and I know first hand how awful it is. I hope that if nothing else you can keep him happy and loved.

    I am SO sorry about your knee! I hope that everything goes well with the specialist and that you heal quickly! I will be praying for you!

    Love you hon, glad to see you back!

    *hugs* ~Jenn
    4691 days ago
  • AANDW05
    HI PATTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am SOOOOO glad your back! Man did I ever miss you!!
    Sorry about your poor kitty....my cat just had 5 babies, I'll send one up to ya emoticon

    Now my dear friend... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    there is YOUR swett butt kicking from me...LOL!!

    4691 days ago
    Gulp. Your poor knee!! Am I going to have to give you a piggy-back ride in our race?? I'd need to start training more, if that's the case. *wink*

    Sorry to hear about BC's diagnosis. I feel bad for not checking back with you about it. Big kitty hugs to him, and the other kitties. Sure they're confused about what's going on, too.

    Also - Yay for the med news! I bet it's a huge relief to be off of them. You should be super proud, hun.

    Hope to catch you online Saturday night...(I started classes again....).

    BIG HUGS!!
    Miss you!
    4691 days ago
    Hey Patty,
    Welcome back and sorry to hear about every thing going on right now. We missed you so much. We will help you get back on track. I am still trying to get back on track after having Madison. good luck


    4691 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon my thoughts are with him/her emoticon
    emoticon emoticon
    OK, you get the message. I have been and always will be here for you.

    Oh and "Miss Patty" the Super Chili is already producing babies ! ! !

    The new Shedders challenge is about to start...get signed up and we can do this together.

    Go Patty Go...Go Patty GO...Go Patty Go
    4692 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/8/2008 9:27:58 AM
    Oh {{{{{{{{{{{Patty}}}}}}}}}}}} I have missed you so much! I'm sorry for all you are going through! That said....here's a swift (but gentle) kick in the tush....let's get back to rockin' and rollin'! I know you can't control the things, like your leg and so on in your life, but you can control what goes into your mouth! So let's get back to it!
    {{{{{{{{{Big Hugs}}}}}}}}}~~Di~~

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    PS...Congrats on all the good stuff going on with you....AWESOME!!!
    4692 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/6/2008 8:45:28 PM
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