Could this be the end?
Friday, June 06, 2008
I go in for my surgery on FRIDAY the 13th. My doctor is going to go in and try and fix my ankle. I'm slightly nervous about this because it's a surgery and yet i'm also excited for it to happen and be over with. this could be the end to my ankle pain and discomfort. I'm also not sure about after the surgery. i mean i know that i have to take it easy and keep my weight off the foot for a while but i just don't want to sit around and do nothing. which does sound kind of nice but after awhile i'm going to go crazy, i know this.
i just don't want to go through all that pain to just end up putting myself through more pain in the end by just sitting around stuffing my face and getting all fat again. i know i'm still NO WHERE NEAR skinny but i feel like even though i haven't really been doing much i'm still better then what i was a few months ago.
i'm just worried that i don't have the will power to not sit there and eat all day. and i will end up getting very large. i don't know if i'm strong enough to deal with that emotionally. i'm just afraid that i'll stay big my whole life without ever feeling good about the way i look and that i wont ever change because i don't have the will power for it.
so could this be the end for my ankle pain?? or could this be the end for me??? (no not by taking my life but i dont know how else to word that, if i think of how i'll change it....i probably shouldnt even keep this in here but...i'll think of how to change it)