DEUCE119
100-249 SparkPoints 130
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And on the 5 th day she faltered!!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Ok, so today is the fifth day of my quit and I just had to blow it by slipping and having half a cigarette. Why do we do this to ourselves? I wish I could figure out the answer to that question. Not only did I smoke half a cigarette but I had McDonalds on top of it. I just barely went over my calories for the day, but that isn't the point. It seems like sabotage is the only thing I know. I knew things were going to smoothly. I really don't have that many cravings . It's a mind thing. I get angry coz I can't smoke. It is so stupid. You would think after all I went through with cancer and chemo , the last thing I would do to myself is smoke. You go through losing your hair, everything tastes bad, you hurt, your tired all the time. And the worst was I couldn't even lose weight on chemo.The nurse said I should be glad coz most people gain weight. I couldn't believe it. Here I thought I'd finally be this skinny person , without hair of course, but thin none the less. I'm just trying to add a little humor to this most irritating day. I guess it could be that I'm not feeling to good today so I just don't care what I do. I hate days like this. I have spent my life with to many days like this. That is why I gained weight in the first place. A little slip here a little slip there and it adds up. You look in the mirror and can't figure out why you don't like your hair. I did that once. Couldn't figure out why I didn't like my hair and one day I realized it wasn't my hair that had changed, it was the face. My face had gotten fatter and I hated it. I had worked hard to lose weight 20yrs ago and here was that face back again. I've changed the face a little bit with the weight I've lost but it can creep back anytime it wants to. That is why I'm upset. The cigarette the McDonalds all of it. It creeps up on you . It is time to be more vigilant. I slipped and I admit it. It is off my chest. I feel better because I have admitted to both of my bobos. I can only say that it is wonderful having someplace to come to and write done my thoughts and feelings. Someplace where someone will understand what the heck is going through my head, coz they have been there themselves. Ok I feel so much better.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BOXERMOM19
    Hope today is a better day. emoticon
    4663 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2894356
    So what's half a cigarette, it's only a small slip. Try to fathom out what caused it and then you'll be better prepared next time you're tempted. I gave up in 1974 and you know there is nothing worse than a reformed addict, of any kind. You don't really want a cigarette do you, perhaps if you kept your hands occupied it might help, or how about picturing yourself with a chimney growing out of your head, and then think "If I was meant to smoke that is what I would look like" Keep on trying, just like everything else you give up, do it one day at a time, i
    t's not so daunting then. emoticon
    4666 days ago
  • SPARKYTHESEAL
    Carol - it's a slip not a relapse :) You are doing FAB woman and we are all here for you!!!
    4670 days ago
  • RUHAPPYTOSEEME
    oh you bad bad girl (I am KIDDING!) listen, we all slip! every single one of us! (and if someone says they never do then they arent being honest with themselves!) you even kept your calorie thing close with mcdonalds, thats a feat in itself ;) do not put yourself down or feel bad about it because today is a NEW day and you just pick yourself up and start over :) the best thing ive learned from spark is that when we slip up, we just start over (before if I ended up cheating on a diet that usually ended my diet, it shouldnt!) we can do this! and about the cigs, oh they are so hard to quit, that you made it this long and even stopped after half a cig, hey good for you! same for cigs as the food, todays a new dy and you will do better! I have faith in you! your doing fine and you will do even better as days go by :) hugssssss
    4670 days ago
  • MARLA7
    Deuce - I agree .... don't beat yourself up. This is a lifetime journey... it's called living. If you slip once in awhile, so be it... the important thing is getting back on the bandwagon so to speak & keeping with your program. It's a new way of living... a healthier way. You can choose to let your past go & keep on trucking with your new lifestyle or you can choose to say oh well I blew it, might as well keep blowing it (over & over again.) But did you like it when you smoked? Did you like it when you ate lots of junk (McDonald's included)? Sure, it might taste good going down... but the results are not pretty.

    You had the courage to blog this & be honest & open about it. I admire you for that. You did falter, but that doesn't mean you failed. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off & start all over again. We're here beside you my friend.

    ((((((Hugs)))))) Marla
    4670 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2948406
    We all slip. This journey is long and slipping every now and again is not just part of the journey, but necessary. You have to learn from your mistakes so you know why you did them in the first place and then try to not let them happen again. This is a journey about making good choices and you blogging today was a very good choice and got you back in the mind frame you need to be in. You can do this. One day at a time.
    4670 days ago
  • BMIDDLEBROOKS
    Don't beat yourself up about it! Just pick yourself up and move on! You know that your SP friends, especially those of us at Classy Quitters team, are here for you. We are going to get through this together!! And don't feel bad about McDonalds. I was at work this morning and my boss came in and handed me a BK cheesy bacon melt~ and I didn't eat it... I DEVOURED it. LOL.

    We're gonna make it! We WILL Make it!
    Just message me if you need ANYTHING... to vent... whatever! We DO share our quit date after all! (And yes, I do consider you QUIT. A slip is not a relapse!)

    ~Becki~
    4670 days ago
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