Do you know anyone like this?!?

Monday, May 12, 2008

I love my sister, don't get me wrong. But seriously, if it was dependant on her to be on time somewhere or the world would end, well I'd bend over and kiss my fat @ss goodbye... I just don't get it. HOW is it you are late to EVERYTHING???

My parents live about 30 minutes from my house, my sister another 20 the other way, hence I'm in the middle. I offered to have her and the kids ride with my in the big Expedition to my folks house for Mother's Day yesterday. My sister is basically poor, and with gas prices as they are, it is harder for her than me to spend the money to drive down there. So I tell her on Saturday to please please PLEASE be at my house no later than noon on Sunday. That gives us time to load everyone into the party bus and get to Mom's by 1. I reiterate that that means she needs to leave HER house by 11:45. Did I need to call and wake her up? She laughs and says no, she can manage noon.

So it's noon on Sunday. I have everything bagged, prepped, loaded into the car. It's now 12:10, but I'm not too concerned yet. It's 12:20 and I'm starting to get irritated. I call my niece's cell phone, as she is the most likely to answer. She does, in a sleep voice. I calmly ask, where are you guys? She says, in bed. I EXPLODE. I start yelling at my poor niece, b/c she was the one who was one on the phone. She wakes up her mother and then tells me they will get moving.

I ask you, how hard is it to get your lazy @ss out of bed by 11 on a freakin' Sunday, when you KNOW you have to be somewhere. I start to cry, just b/c I am so mad that I have to let it out somewhere. I call my mom to tell her we are going to be late and unload on her. Poor woman...

I just don't get it. I just feel it is such a form of disrespect that she acts like this. And she barely even apologized for being late, just made excuses. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. If just once she would be contrite I might not get so mad. But she doesn't. She just doesn't care.

Ok, that's my rant. I just don't understand people who have no respect, especially for someone who does so much for her.
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  • DEUCE119
    You really should have told her straight up, "If you aren't here by noon I am leaving" You don't have to pussyfoot around her. If it bothers you this bad , the only way to change it is to address it. You don't have to do it in an angry way. if she gets pissed off , she'll get over it. if you do what you say for her kids, she won't stay mad. It isn't in her best interest. She knows you will forgive and she gets things her way. I know it is easy to tell you what to do and another thing to do it. If you allow her to always do things the way she does , you'll always be angry and nothing will ever change. You need to have a talk with your MOM and let her know you aren't going to take it anymore. If she knows how your sister is I can't believe she wouldn't understand. I'm not saying to leave your sister out of things just give her boundaries and rules.
    3630 days ago
    Blue - I agree that pulling Mom into my drama on her day was not the best way to deal with my issues. I profusely apologized, but honestly she knows where I am coming from b/c she deals with it from my sister as well. I know that I am very much a person that does things for people to make them happy even if I dont' want to. Case in point, I knew that if I left her, she may not have even gone. That would have hurt Mom's feelings very much, so I waited on her to make sure she showed up. For Mom. That is what I do with her ALL THE TIME. I baby her (sis, not mom), and I know it. But again, it's mostly b/c I don't want others to be hurt. I KNOW that I am not responsible for her actions, but after 30+ years of doing it, it's a hard habit to break. My sister is 30, but emotionally stunted at 18, IMO. She started having kids very very young, and never got out in the world until the last few years. She lives in my parent's house (they now live at the lake in a little house they bought for retirement). She doesn't pay rent, barely pays utilities. She supports her 3 kids on her own, the ex is a putz. I provide more support to them then he ever has.

    I guess my resentment stems from the fact that if you added up all the money I spend on the kids, the time I invest, it's probably a 60/40 split between her and me. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE these children probably as much as if they were mine. I just feel like my sister takes me granted. She rarely apologizes for things like what happened Sunday. And I know it's out of guilt; guilt that she needs me as much as she does. She has told me this years ago. I guess I would just like her to appreciate me more. Sheesh, how selfish does THAT sound?

    *I just wanted to add that I would do anything for these kids, including whatever I have to deal with coming from my sister. I don't confront her b/c when she gets mad, she withdraws. That is her way of dealing with things. And if she w/draws, it's harder for me to spend time with the kids. She doesn't necessarily keep them from me, it just makes it more awkward. So I bite my tongue more often than not, b/c I would never do anything to jeapordize my relationship with them. See, I sound like the divorced parent who shares custody...and that is how I feel a lot of the time. My sister isn't an ogre, she is just self-centered. If she has the time/money/energy to make herself happy and those around her, she is generous to a fault. But if she has limited resources, short on time, whatever, then the effort goes to her and the kids, and everyone else just takes a backseat.
    3631 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/13/2008 1:37:21 PM
    I too would of just left!! You need to sit her down and tell her how absolutely disrespectful she is and how it affects you! She completely disregards anyone but herself, maybe if she starts missing out on important events she might get the picture!
    3632 days ago
  • -SHAWN-
    Whoa, I think this is deeper then your sister being late. Seriously, maybe it's a boundary issue, an anger issue, I can't know on such little info.

    If that would have been me, when I called and found them in bed, I would have just said, well I'm leaving for mom's now, hope to see you there, click. Heck you even knew it was a distinct possibility, yet you weren't prepared for it?

    Then you unloaded on your mom too, on Mothers Day no less? I'm sorry you're putting yourself through this agony. But I think you need to look deeper at your feelings, maybe journal them, figure out what's going on with you.
    3632 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/12/2008 2:17:03 PM
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