Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I love my family...but I really cannot wait for the day when I can afford to live on my own...away from their constant influence. Until then, I have some struggles with living at home. I don't like to talk about it too much with them...but they make it much easier to be fat.

I'm noticing more resentment and negativity towards my new lifestyle. Everyone else at my house is not as concerned with weight loss.

My dad often makes sarcastic jokes and often has M&M's and snack cakes for dessert. Mom comes home with fast food on an almost nightly basis. My older younger sister just plain over-eats. My youngest sis brings home bad food several times per week. And my brother...he's a night-eater. I love them...but I feel so alone with my new lifestyle. I don't do any of that...not to excess, at least.

My youngest sister said she would try to lose weight after the holidays...and its almost May. I was hoping to have someone to exercise regularly with. She says she wants to lose weight. However, I've asked her numerous times if she would like to take a walk with me and to do other activities. She has the time, but is just too lazy. It makes me angry. Oh well. That's how I used to be. Too lazy to exercise...and always dreading even going up and down a flight of stairs. I guess she still needs more time.

She also gets angry at me for being upset about being around bad foods all of the time. The rest of my family has fast food 2-3 times per week and sometimes more than that. No wonder it was so easy for me to gain weight. I used to outweigh her by 40 pounds or so. Now I weigh less than her. Sometimes I think maybe I'm just reminding her of how bad she is eating...and its uncomfortable so she lashes out at me. Its hurtful...but its understandable.

I tend to get upset when I've had a hard day and I know that its going to be tough to say NO to bad food...and its right there on the kitchen table. And someone else has bought snack cakes and left them in the living room. I am surrounded on all sides by terrible foods.

On the flip side...the weekly grocery list for our house tends to include foods that I like and are moderation, of course. I do a lot of measuring of my foods.

I just feel like I'm getting mixed messages from my family. Its like they are saying "Good job", but they are also saying "We don't care how hard it is for you...we are going to flood you with tempting foods".

Actually, I'm very sure that they have no idea how difficult it can be to lose a lot of weight. Or how lonely it can be when everyone else is eating pizza (my weakness) a few times a week...and I have to hunt for something else to eat.

I'll keep pressing on, though. I'll exercise 5 days a week, keep my calories in my range, drink my water, and keep searching for new and fun ways to stay active. No one's going to stop me from losing all of my weight. I will fight hard to keep this up.

Oh sister got an MRI today to check to see if something caused her to black out. I haven't asked what the results were, yet. I'm doing okay considering that it was a very rough day. I'm focusing on being thankful that she's here. She really did cheat death as far as I'm concerned.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are doing so great!! I'm sooo proud of you! I face a few of these same challenge with family. All I can say is hang in there & take care of yourself despite the battles!!!
    4836 days ago
    First of all, I want you to know how proud I am of you! Indeed you have to overcome many struggles that others who live alone or are heads of their households don't have to face. As much as most people want to be healthy and slim, the decision to actually DO something about it is a very personal one. You have decided you were ready and are committed to that decision. On the other hand, it doesn't seem like anyone else in your family has reached that point yet.

    I just wrote my blog about bumping into an acquaintance who wishes she can lose weight like I am right now. However, she hates to exercise and hasn't joined me when I invited her to free trial days at my gym. As desperate as she is to lose weight, I'm just not sure she's ready for the commitment yet.

    The only thing you can do is find support where you can. I know that SP is only a virtual world, but I hope you can feel the encouragement and motivation from all your friends here. Unfortunately, I don't have friends in my "real" life who can join me on my journey, so that's why I come to SP everyday to get the much needed support.

    Keep up your good work no matter how hard it is. Know that you can be twice as proud of yourself because of all the hurdles you have to overcome. Realize that any negativity from your family is more of a reflection on their own insecurities and fears than it is on anything you're doing to improve your own health. They may not be ready or have already given up. However, YOU know that you can do it because you have come so far and already lost almost 50 pounds. I admire you for your determination, diligence, and hard work. I believe in you and will continue to cheer you on, my friend!
    4836 days ago
    KUDOS to you for doing such a good job living in those conditions, i am proud of you! I have no idea what I could say to make it easier for you... it is a tough situation and hopefully your family will eventually start to take part in your new lifestyle.

    In the meantime, realize that by you overcoming these odds, that when you someday have children/family of your own, you will not feed them fast food and will teach them how to eat healthy from the beginning. Perhaps they will not even struggle with weight as you have had to. You just gotta make sure that you marry a man who shares your love of a healthy lifestyle, LOL!

    4836 days ago
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