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my nutritional trainwreck of a weekend =(

Monday, April 14, 2008

so i made it through a whole week of clean eating, felt great, felt proud and told myself i can have one weekly chocolate treat/cheat meal...on friday i went to red lobster ordered grilled shrimp, scallons & lobster with broccoli on the side (no sauce on it and i blotted the fish with my napkin just to be safe) and for dessert my friend and i split a chocolate chip cookie with fudge in the middle and a scoop of ice cream on top- knowing i was having my treat that day i compensated by adjusting my breakfast and lunch and even did extra cardio and it was delicious and no big deal, i didn't stress it at all....



saturday i ate clean, ate great all day however i got stuck at work overtime 2.5 hours without knowing and without having enough food on me..i had my usual good healthy breakfast (kashi waffles, natural pb and berries) but from 10am until 5:30pm all i had was an apple, a grapefruit and 4oz of grilled chicken..i figured i'd eat better when i'd get home around 3:30 then overtime hit..i got home after 5:30 had dinner but from not eating enough during the day was still starving...


i was way tired from work and you are supposed to let your body rest and not exercise one day a week anyway so i used this as my rest day and tried to fight the hunger after dinner...normally i'm good at igonring it and not eating a thing after dinner until the next day but i wound up eating edy's slow churn ice cream...this stuff kills me every time man i wish it wasn't in existence, my ultimate weakness for sure...i know you are thinking at least it's the lower calories ice cream but for the amount i had that doesn't matter...ugh i was so pissed at myself for that slip up but said it's one little slip up it's bad but it could be worse (although at the time i couldn't imagine how)...



then sunday...oh sunday...yesterday was one of my worst days in a long time..between emotions and being thrown off my regular routine I SCREWED UP BIG TIME...usually i have to have a big queen sized breakfast right when i wake up and it sets me up for my day- when i don't eat a good breakfast it's like a hurricane and i'm a monster with food the rest of the day- this day is a prime example of that...

it's sad but true..anyway yesterday morning i had to go to a memorial mass for my grandfather who passed away in 2004 and we were going out to breakfast with the family afterwards so i thought- hmm if i just have my scoop of protein powder in water and a handful of frosted mini wheats (i know it was sugar but i figure the whole grain fiber) i will be okay for 2 hours until i can have real breakfast...WRONG...


well after mass we're in the restaurant and i'm staring- i ordered 2 scramble eggs and whole wheat toast with no butter- not bad but i wind up trading half my toast for 2 of my moms pancakes...pancakes?!?! restaurant pancakes?!?...that was bad of me but i'm still working on willpower when eating out and breakfast foods...i know you are thinking okay pancakes are not the end of the world but it gets even worse...


we get home from mass and i'm not up to par in my emotional state i was missing my grandpa (the cemetary visits always do it to me) and then we find out another relative- my great aunt, passed away that morning..so that made me feel bad and i was thinking about death and getting depressed all day...

cue the emotional eating and train wreck now-

i forgot to mention, my sunday mornings i often refer to as "psycho sundays" because i do a ridiculous amount of exercise right after breakfast but because i went out i didn't do them at the normal time and when i got back after feeling emotional and stressed and sad, my neck and head hurt and even though i had workout clothes on and meant well i couldn't bring myself to do it which is highly not like me...


anyway back to nutrition..so around 2:30 my parents go to my brothers house and i'm home alone..not good...at home when other people are around it's easy for me to stay out of the kitchen i get embarassed when they see me eat but anyway with all the emotions..with feeling like a failure bc of the pancake...and also the fact my monthly friend was in town (if u get the drift)- i wind up binging..

oh it was sooo bad..worse then i can ever recall...these are my sins (within 3 hours) edy's slow churn ice cream (AGAIN), 3 oreos, 3 mini reese's peanut butter cups, half a glass of 1% milk, 2 handful of kashi cheddar crackers, 2 lindt truffles and lean cuisine macaroni & cheese (that was dinner but still).....


at this point my stomach hurts soo bad...big surprise huh??...with all the crap i put into it no wonder it was hurting...i was sitting on the couch with my dog crying i was such a wreck..why the hell would i eat all that crap for?!?! i let myself down BIG TIME...so i try to rationalize it and say well at least kashi crackers are all natural, at least ice cream has calcium but still...it's all crap...it's all crap and i inhaled it like a disgusting monster (actually i ate it kinda at a normal pace but regardless)....

then i say okay it's 5pm, i could of ate all this junk right before bed and slept with it and not worked out right at least i binged in the middle of the afternoon, not at night...


come 6:30 my stomach still feels really heavy and horrifically disgusting so what do i do? i tell myself- "stupid failure i don't care how sick you feel. you are working out and doing it now"....so 60 minutes on the elliptical and my 50 minute slim in 6 aerobic routine and i went hard- i pushed and sweat more in that workout out of guilt then i have in a while (i always sweat but i mean i was fully saturated, actually it was gross)...while working out i was gagging from feeling sick but i didn't let myself stop as a punishment and a lesson...


i still can't believe what i did yesterday- binge eating disgusting like that is just not like me at all...i let myself down soo bad...summer's just around the corner...ughh


anyway today i'm back on clean eating routine and did my work out for the day and am back on the right path but i can't shake yesterday out of my mind, i'm still upset over my behavior...i had to post it for the world to see me screw up like that- knowing i am accountable for my own actions..

thoughts/comments/supports- greatly needed. thank you for reading this



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  • RUNSTEPHRUN
    Wow, I had a weekend like that a couple weeks ago. I remember longing for my stomache to feel flat again! It's always how we pic ourselves up that matters...and that's pretty crazy that you made yourself workout righ away!

    Next time you feel a binge coming on, plan what you're gonna do. And also....it's okay to make mistakes. -Hugs-Steph
    4570 days ago
  • *SPARKLEMAMA*
    I've had those moments myself- I am glad you have resolved to stay the course- that is the most important thing- forget about yesterday- it's gone!

    HUGGS- Rachel
    4572 days ago
  • ROBININVEGAS
    Hi,

    First I want to thank you for the courage to blog this, second I want to give you a big hug. We all have back steps, it is not easy always staying on course. Not to mention life throws stuff at us, breakups, job losses, deaths in the family. It is hard to always duck and not miss what is thrown at us. Remember what you have been able to accomplish up until now is not failure, so you had a bad day, it is done. Today, it is a new day, a renewed commitment a new opportunity to say I am happy I am here, I am on this journey to a better me.

    Please know all around you is support you just have to ask....next time promise you will reach out to someone or more than one person and ask for help, we are a click away...... emoticon
    4573 days ago
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