PAMIJANE

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My First Real Disaster

Monday, April 07, 2008


This weekend got out of control and I can't blame anyone but myself. I ate all the wrong foods, pizza, burger king and sometimes we conveniently forget we're addicted to certain foods and we think we can have just one or two slices of pizza but then that addiction kicks in and you can't, it's worse than alcoholism I swear. I don't have to drink, but I have to eat. So again I find myself having to dust myself off and start back again at square one. Major sigh. Nobody can be more disappointed with me than I am myself. But I have to confess it, forgive myself for being human in a weak time and not give up or use it as a reason to give up. Another major bump in my mental and emotional wellbeing is that my DH went looking for my one and only heirloom, a special diamond and platinum ring that my mother's first husband had designed and made for her, it was all I had left of her except her ashes and two pictures...it's missing. We can't find it anywhere. And back in July of 2006 when I went to visit my beloved cousing who had been in the hospital with a very aggressive colon cancer since February we had a neighbor sit with our kitties...now my mind is livid thinking that during the 3 days we were gone she went snooping and found it. Since then they have moved away...and I have no idea where they are. I'm hit by all these sickening emotions. Andrew was going to have it sized and cleaned so I could wear it. This ring is gorgeous with 3 1/2 carat diamonds and about 20 smaller fully cut diamonds with four rounded polished amethysts. I don't know what the value of the ring is, though I know it's a LOT, but the worth that it had for me overrides its intrinsic monetary value by the nth sqaured into infinity. During the next few weeks I'm going to be cleaning and throwing away or donatiing and I'm going to go through every drawer, every recepticle untile I'm satisfied it really is gone...I pray it isn't, but maybe by that time the danger of my emotions going nuts will have subsided and I can just be resigned to it. I always say I don't care about material things because we can't take them with us, but this was the only thing left of my Mama's and it was very important to me. I won't be online all day as I have been lately because I have to get my days organized to where I go to the spa, clean a bit, blog and keep up with my groups as well as keep in touch with my friends which is so important to me. So...lol now that I've caught you all up, I apologize for this being such a bummer of a blog, but I wouldn't be doing my part if I hid all this which would make me feel 20 shades of guilty and do me more harm than good. I need to accept responsability for my actions and account for them in a positive way...and pick myself up and keep on keeping on. I really don't have a choice in the matter. If I give up I will not live much longer. As much as I want to be with my Lord in Heaven, I want to get there honorably and not give up the gift of life because it's hard and I backslid. Can I have some amens?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DRAKE83
    Each time we start over we are moving, changing and learning...so brush off...start over and I so hope you find your ring.

    Thinking of you
    4585 days ago
  • MELLY423
    Hi Pami!
    I pray that you find the ring in a secret place where NO ONE would ever think to look and it is safe and well...not for the $$ value, but for the sentiment. :) Blessings,
    Melly
    4585 days ago
  • WINDMAIDEN1
    Hang in there Pami, I know how it feels having been there but you can't beat yourself up because it will only lead to more stress and eating the wrong things. So get back on the horse so to speak :). As for the ring it will show up, I feel it.
    4585 days ago
  • 46A39P
    Please don't get yourself sick over this. My mother lost the stone to her engagement ring, and 10 years later, my brother was ripping up the dr rug and found the stone! So, you never know where it could turn up. If you keep thinking a friend took it, you will get yourself sick over it. It will rob you of any peace. Don't want to go there...I'm sorry about what you are going through. It sounds like you are coming down hard on yourself. Remember every day is a new beginning. Love, Jean
    4585 days ago
  • AKAYCAT
    AMEN!
    I bet the ring will turn up. Stuff around here goes missing all the time - and then - boom - there it is where I looked 100 times!

    Don't beat yourself up about the weekend. Most of my weekend was crazy eating - but I enjoyed it. Took the time off with the understanding I would be on again on Monday.

    Have a good day!
    4585 days ago
  • LENGELKE
    Amen! Amen! Amen!
    I sure hope you find that ring. I'll pray for you!
    4585 days ago
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