Clothing heartbreaks and breakthroughs....

Friday, April 04, 2008

I cry when I shop...

....not all the time or not openly, and sometimes the tears show up as anger and frustration, but nonetheless I HATE shopping for clothes.

Things don't look the way I think they should. I take hours and hours of trying things on, comparing sizes and styles and often walk out with nothing purchased.

When I went to Hawaii I weighed 147. I had lost 16 pounds and I was excited to go shopping for a new bathing suit. Only to stare at myself in the mirror in horror. My butt still looked huge, my thighs were definitely still chunky. Yes I looked better than I used to, but it didn't stop the waves of disappointment and I realized I still had a long way to go. I stormed out of the store holding back tears as DH paid for the only one that I thought might possibly work.

I was in a foul mood the rest of the day.

It's hard for me to accept that as far as I have come (20lbs at this point) I still have a little ways to go. That's also behind the start over from the last post. Now I don't feel bad that my body doesn't look just the way I want it to, because I've just started, it's not supposed to.

Don't get me wrong, I love my body. And I wouldn't really want anyone else's. I just want mine to look better.

Fast forward to present day. Last Saturday to be specific...

Hubby and I were visiting his parents for the Cherry Blossom Festival in Macon. There was a stand with handmade sun dresses with an Indian flavor(Indian as in India). I looked at them and decided "no way" I won't be able to find one that fits, it will take hours, there is no dressing room, DH will get frustrated I will get upset and the whole day will be ruined. I was already tensing up just walking by them. Then suddenly DH picked up a beautiful green one and said "I want to get this for you" I told him there wasn't anywhere to try it on and it wouldn't fit even if I did.

The nice sales lady told me to just pull it over my t-shirt and jeans.

I was horrified.

Hubby insisted and before I knew it I was standing in front of a mirror in the middle of a packed fair grounds with the sundress over my clothes.

I loved it. We bought it.

When we got home DH told me "you're not 163lbs anymore and it's time you start buying things that will look better as you lose more weight instead of worse, and I want to help you"

I love him.

I don't expect this fear of shopping to just disappear, but it's slowly but surely getting better, that's exciting.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    that is soooo sweet of him!
    4608 days ago

    Your husband sounds so sweet!

    And I can relate... clothes shopping can either make or break my day. I know it's silly to an extent, but I can't help it.
    4608 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/16/2008 11:58:04 AM
  • no profile photo NOTSOLITTLEDEB
    Your blog brought tears to my eyes because I've been there. (((((hugs)))))))
    4619 days ago
    That is one of the sweetest Love stories I have heard. Thanks for sharing it! And as Kylie said we want to see a pic of you and the green dress, maybe with your DH.
    4619 days ago
    I can so relate to this. I really need to go clothes shopping to get things that fit but I am afraid of getting discouraged because the clothing won't fit right, etc., as you described. What a guy your husband is! I am glad you bought the green sundress. I bet you look fantastic in it.
    4620 days ago
    Me too..tears..what a wonderful DH!! So where's the picture of you with the new green dress? Congrats! Hugs..Kylie :)
    4620 days ago
    I got tears in my eyes too. What a good hubby. Give him a big for me too.

    Listen, clothes shopping will get better. A lot better. And even more fun when you have a nice sales lady to make you comfy and bring you all the sizes you need. Every brand is made differently so what fits as a size 8 in one brand may fit as a size 6 or a size 10 in another. Don't ever be afraid to ask for what you need that looks right.

    I am not sure bathing suit shopping will get better until my body fat is in the low 20s. And even then I will probably have saggy skin. There was a time when I looked HOT in a bikini. I would love for that to happen again, but I know shopping for one this summer, may not be in the cards. The truth is I may be closer to goal weight, but I have a lot of firming up to do! So maybe, maybe not - but make that the goal that lets you know - oh yeah I have made it.
    4620 days ago
  • NAN71486
    LOVE your post! I understand how you felt! I don't look "good!" But, I definitely look way better than I did. I shop at Good Will to keep myself in the right size clothes! By the time I go shopping for new clothes, I'm not going to know what sizes to get!

    You DH sounds like a keeper!

    Nancy from Louisiana
    4620 days ago
    Damn it, Chicky!
    Now ya done made get all choked up and have tears in my eyes!!
    Maybe we need to hook up together and go shopping?! (Of course, we'd hit the bar first for some margaritas or pina coladas!!) Thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone!!
    4620 days ago
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