Focus on the positive
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
It's my sister's birthday tomorrow. I agonize every year about whether to call or not. And I inevitably call.
My sister is one of the most negative, mean-spirited, down people I know. She's a master of the back-handed insult. On the surface, what she says sounds like a compliment - but it's really an insult. Sort of like when people say "such a pretty face" and the unspoken part is "but horrible body."
I still haven't gotten over the fact that she didn't come to our wedding. Despite our father offering to pay her airfare. And I had a friend who was willing to have her stay. My sister had all sorts of lame excuses. None of which justified skipping the one and only wedding of her one and only sister. To this day, DH hasn't forgiven her.
Nor did my sister make it to our father's 80th birthday celebration. My youngest brother and I offered to pay her way. No, too busy (she lives in a religious commune), can't come.
On the other hand - she is my sister. I only have the one. I have three wonderful brothers, but, well, a sister should be special. (She's special in the wrong kind of way.)
On the other hand - she has five wonderful children, the oldest three are close to me, especially the oldest daughter who is getting married this summer and has been talking/emailing to me constantly for advice and to share her plans. I adore my sister's kids.
I'll feel guilty if I don't call. I'll feel guilty if I don't try to be the bigger person, and rise above the pettiness. And I'll feel as if I let my nieces and nephews down if I don't maintain a relationship with their mother. (They also think she's wacko and a first class b*tch, but they maintain a relationship just because she is their mother. I'm the fill-in.)
So I guess I'll call. And keep it short. And try to stay upbeat, and not let her digs get to me.
Sigh. It's rough being a nice person.