Why do we stay?
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
With less than 3 weeks to go till I graduate from school - this should be my happiest time. It is my dream come true and I am so happy to have it done with. However, instead of fully enjoying it I am in the midst of ending a 6 year relationship. I should feel sad, but I don't I feel drained.
I have gained all this weight during the time I was in school, but I think the weight didn't come from school. The emotional eating came from how unhappy I was in the relationship. I knew I should have ended this ages ago, but for some stupid reason i stayed. The truth is I have no one to blame but myself.
Why is it that we stay in relationships that we KNOW we are unhappy in.
I have seen it so many times. I grew up surrounded by it and vowed THAT WOULD NEVER BE ME. Guess what - that was me.
I feel liberated to finally have all the words out. I cannot be with someone I don't love. I don't deserve it. He doesn't deserve it and most importantly my daughter doesn't deserve it. This isn't what I want her to see or think that life and love should be like.
I know there will be adjustments. When I first started on this journey I never expected to come to such a place where I am now. A place where I can see where I want to be and what I have to do to get there. Part of shedding my excess weight has to do with getting rid of baggage that is holding me down. In this case, it was a relationship that was slowly killing me inside.
My daughter, my health and my life are too important to me to sell myself short and keep things the way they are.
I have to stop here, but if anyone out there is feeling weighed down and know it's not just the weight, take it from me sometimes the fat in your life is more than what's on the scale.