Tommorow never comes :/
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I was going good for a few months , then about 3 weeks ago i just stopped caring and started up my old habits again. Eating whatever i feel like and no exercising. But eating so much that i felt like i couldn't possibly get anything else into my body if i tried. I felt like i couldn't move. And couldn't breathe right, because i had sugar in such large quantities. The worst part of the whole thing, is that i wasn't even hungry while i was eating, and eating more just made me feel more sick, yet i still kept eating. What the hell is up with that .
Its 730am here now, and i've already had breakfast which was cereal and then yogurt. The thing is i wasn't hungry because i was still full from last night's crazy binge. So now i feel even more full and really really sick . I just want to cry .
Everyday i say i will start again tomorrow and get excited about it, then eat myself sick so that the next day i can start my diet. I've been saying this and doing this now for 3 weeks and nothing has changed. Tomorrow hasn't come yet. I'm starting to get scared. I feel so overwhelmed with how much i have to do to get back to where i was. I have put on the 2 kilos i originally lost in the last 3 months. I'm so annoyed with myself right now. I've been trying to lose weight for 3 years but i just can't motivate myself. I guess i haven't been trying at all, what with all the binges i've been having over the years.
I'm scared of failure, scared of the thought of what if i do everything i can , exercise, eat right , for months, and still don't get anywhere. I'm trying not to be so negative today, but this has really got me down . I don't want to start tomorrow, i want to start right now. I think i need to stay away from food for the rest of the day, to get over that nasty sick too full feeling.
So i guess i'm starting my whole exercise and eating right regime again from right now onwards. wish me luck :(