Unemployment As a Parent
Friday, March 21, 2008
I have been honored by an invitation to visit my sailor son in Washington State. It has been great, Somewhere during our days together, I realized that my baby has grown up to be a wonderful independent person... Just as the Royal Consort and I had planned/dreamed of...
SO why does it hurt?
This labor pain of the heart as I birth wonderful young adult...
This pain seems so bittersweet; makes my heart feel numb
Yet so sensitive to all of the emotions and memories
That come flooding through
As I realize the joy and sadness of answered prayers.
To this son, I am now a mother who reared him
He gives me notice that I have served my purpose
He tells me I have served him well as parent
But his needs have changed.
He gently thanks me; tells me I will always be special.
Such loving words.
So why the pain?
I try to tell him I am not ready to let go
I love being his mommy
Yet he needs a MOTHER
Doesn't he remember when I was the only one who satisfied
Any and every need for him?
Doesn't he remember needing to confide in only me?
Doesn't he remember the jokes that needed my laughter?
What about all of the questions that only I could answer?
What about the rules of society that only I could explain?
At the moment of conception, he BECAME within my womb,
He became part of my being, my reality, my heart in a moment
And now just as quickly, his conception as an adult has occurred
Now he takes my being, my reality, my heart with him
Into a world where I can no longer protect him.
He has become the person I shaped
He has become the person I influenced
He has become the person I prayed for daily
He is forever a baby in my heart...
Now I must learn to care for him according to his current needs
It seems I am not prepared to learn such lessons quickly
BUT because he has asked, I Will Learn.
Once I birthed a baby, Now I birth a man
Another answered prayer...
Just didn't know my heart would have to experience growing pains....
I love this person, this son, I am so thankful to know him.