February 28--Something is different this time

I woke up this morning realizing something is different this time. I am not sure how to describe it, but I am going to try to put this all together.

For the first time in nearly five years, I feel good....really good. Today I don't feel like I am on a diet, but truly making a lifestyle change. I am an emotional sugar eater. The more things get difficult, the more I eat sugar. For the last five years I have been in a downword spiral that I couldn't seem to manage. Depression hit me hard...the more depressed I got, the more I sat on the couch and ate. The more weight I gained, the more depressed I got...until I was 2 pounds shy of being 300 pounds.

One morning I looked at the hand full of pills I had and realized everyone was for some weight related problem....GERD, hypertension, migraines, and depression. Over a year ago, I had a sleep study that showed severe sleep apnes. So not only was I eating poorly, I wasn't going through the normal sleep cycles.

When I turned 49 this year, I decided I was going to loose 50 pounds by the time of my 50th birthday. I fooled around for a couple of weeks trying different diet strategies, then when I was talking to a friend, I remembered sparkpeople from a past try. This time I have been reading everything I can find on SP. I went through the quick start phase and focused on eating habits rather than diet. I really focused on eating five fruits/veggies and drinking water. Once I felt like that was a good part of my routine, I have been biting off and tracking small life style changes. I am finally at a point where I am not craving sugar, and can easily pass a piece of cake up without the mental obsession. I cook routinely and obsessively record everything I eat. I am doing a very good job planning my food intake for the day out to make sure that I not only get the calories I need, but the nutrition I need as well.

I am to the point to start tackling a new challenge....consistent exercise. It is my goal for the month of March to get myself on a routine exercise program that will be become as part of my daily/weekly routines. My second goal is to make sure I am getting emough calcium. I always throught I was getting enought because I am a milk drinker, but indeed I have't been.

Many of the articles I have read have asked me to question myself on why I want to take the journey. There are many external reasons including my family and my appearance, but overall the best reason I can think of is that I want to feel good. I want to get up in the morning and smile. I want to laugh. I want to be there for others.

This time I have set smaller goals. Instead of focusing on the end of the 100+ pound marathon, I am focusing on trying to reach small intermediate steps. Also, I haven't put timeframes on weight loss goals. If for some reason this 49 year old body doesn't want to loose weight at the same pace that it used to, I am not going to put myself in a situation that makes me feel like a failure....every step forward is a success.