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Bronwyn and I, November 2009

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May 20, 2010... 65lbs down from my original starting weight.

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My Angel and I. Sadly, Angel was taken from me by colic in 2006. She was only 6 years old.

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This is the lesson I have come to learn since the fall - along with getting rid of the negativity and being completely positive about the weight loss journey - is loving yourself, no matter what weight you are. I think you have to love your "fat self" in order to be able to succeed as your "changed self" (I hesitate to say skinny because I know this journey is transforming the way I see many thing as well).

So often you see all the self loathing and sadness... I know I will be able to look back on pictures of myself, when I was fat and say I still loved her and she was a valid person in a valid body that was a stepping stone on the journey to become who I am now.

Positivity is the only way to succeed. For many of my attempts (prior to this one), it was looking in the mirror and being unsatisfied, feeling ashamed, imagining I would never date or marry or have sex or children - and then this time around, I said I wanted to do this NOT because I didn't fit what my "ideal body" was or what society told me I should look like, but because I wanted to be a more effective horseback rider, and have more energy... not because I hated myself the way that I am but because I wanted to improve - my quality of life. This is a different success - sure, I lost weight before with the negative outlook, but this even FEELS different. The sense of self worth and pride that I feel NOW even though I am not at my "goal weight" makes the journey easier... smoother...

OVERALL GOAL (12/31/10) - 180
MINI GOAL (Date undetermined) - 250
CURRENT WEIGHT 04/07/10 - 262.4
RESTART WEIGHT 12/16/09 - 293.6
START WEIGHT 09/15/09 - 303
HIGHEST WEIGHT - 2006 - 324
My story starts with a horse. A lot of girls wish theirs did, I know, and I didn't always appreciate that mine does, but I do now.

I grew up as the "fat girl" - I was happy, but easily hurt. Largeness - both in body structure and weight - runs in my family. As a result, I am 5'11" with size 12 ladies feet, hands that rival any grown man's, and an XL hat size - nevermind the hips to bear children with and shoulders like a linebacker.

In the summer of 2006, I started my journey at 324lbs, I was successful at losing 30lbs simply by making slight changes to my diet, following SparkPeople, and riding my horse four times a week. Following that, the end of August, my best equine partner (pictured beside in the shot of me in the blue) died a sudden and painful death, which sent me into a tailspin. After that, I let grief consume me, and gained back approximately 10lbs.

Almost a year later, I met Bronwyn. At the time, we were both damaged and a little scared of the future. She had a rough go of life, and was three years old, starved nearly to death and had never been inside of a barn - never felt the desire to trust a human. Together, we worked through her issues. She's a happy, well adjusted horse now - and I'm a happy, well adjusted person.

My goal is to take her to a horse show this summer and for both of us to look even more fabulous than we look now!

Member Since: 1/11/2006

Fitness Minutes: 1,260

My Goals:

My Program:
Minor changes that improve the overall picture - upping calcium intake, flax, stevia, cutting out processed foods, and the like. Lots of fresh veggies for me.

Personal Information:
New Brunswick, Canada -- seeking.sendiri@gmail.com (PLEASE SEND ME ENCOURAGEMENT :-D)

Other Information:

Read More About WITHABANDON - Profile Information moved here. (Updated April 7)

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 Pounds lost: 55.0 
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    I miss you too. Our dinner parties are too few and far between now, and no PEI this summer :( But I do enjoy reading your Sparkpeople blog and frequent facebook updates. You're very inspiring, Mully. Next time I'm in NB, you, Amy, and I (and your mom if she wants, hehe) will have to have an exercise party at Goodlife :)
    3901 days ago
  • v BITSY0516
    You are so right that negativity just breeds more negativity! I just got out of a very toxic and negative working environment and am in a positive and relaxed job instead. What a change for me!!! I now have energy to exercise and ride and do all the things I love. So stay positive - it is SO much better than the alternative!! :-)
    3921 days ago
  • v LEEPFROG95
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    I was just out browsing pages and thought I would stop by to invite you to the HOTTEST spark team around. It is called QuickFire! Come check us out and see if it's for you. We would love to have you on board with us.

    WARNING!! It is proven that QuickFiring can lead to a HOT BODY! I dare you to come join us! What do you have to lose?

    Just copy/paste the address below into your browser


    Ready....Set....QUICKFIRE Your Day!!!
    Make change happen.....QUICK FIRE Your LIFE!!!
    ~ emoticon ~ emoticon ~ emoticon ~ emoticon
    ~~Mic~~~~ Wendy ~~~~ Lynn ~~~~Karen~~~

    3929 days ago
  • v AJINMN
    Thanks so much for your comment on my page! My family is such great support for me and believe in me more than I believe in myself. One step at a time we can do it!

    I'm a farmer's daughter and farm wife and love living on the farm. I haven't ridden horses for years, but grew up with them.
    3935 days ago
  • v VIVI343
    Thanks for getting back to me on my questions about riding! I will definitely check out your blog!
    3987 days ago
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