This is the lesson I have come to learn since the fall - along with getting rid of the negativity and being completely positive about the weight loss journey - is loving yourself, no matter what weight you are. I think you have to love your "fat self" in order to be able to succeed as your "changed self" (I hesitate to say skinny because I know this journey is transforming the way I see many thing as well). So often you see all the self loathing and sadness... I know I will be able to look back on pictures of myself, when I was fat and say I still loved her and she was a valid person in a valid body that was a stepping stone on the journey to become who I am now. Positivity is the only way to succeed. For many of my attempts (prior to this one), it was looking in the mirror and being unsatisfied, feeling ashamed, imagining I would never date or marry or have sex or children - and then this time around, I said I wanted to do this NOT because I didn't fit what my "ideal body" was or what society told me I should look like, but because I wanted to be a more effective horseback rider, and have more energy... not because I hated myself the way that I am but because I wanted to improve - my quality of life. This is a different success - sure, I lost weight before with the negative outlook, but this even FEELS different. The sense of self worth and pride that I feel NOW even though I am not at my "goal weight" makes the journey easier... smoother... OVERALL GOAL (12/31/10) - 180 MINI GOAL (Date undetermined) - 250 CURRENT WEIGHT 04/07/10 - 262.4 RESTART WEIGHT 12/16/09 - 293.6 START WEIGHT 09/15/09 - 303 HIGHEST WEIGHT - 2006 - 324 --- My story starts with a horse. A lot of girls wish theirs did, I know, and I didn't always appreciate that mine does, but I do now. I grew up as the "fat girl" - I was happy, but easily hurt. Largeness - both in body structure and weight - runs in my family. As a result, I am 5'11" with size 12 ladies feet, hands that rival any grown man's, and an XL hat size - nevermind the hips to bear children with and shoulders like a linebacker. In the summer of 2006, I started my journey at 324lbs, I was successful at losing 30lbs simply by making slight changes to my diet, following SparkPeople, and riding my horse four times a week. Following that, the end of August, my best equine partner (pictured beside in the shot of me in the blue) died a sudden and painful death, which sent me into a tailspin. After that, I let grief consume me, and gained back approximately 10lbs. Almost a year later, I met Bronwyn. At the time, we were both damaged and a little scared of the future. She had a rough go of life, and was three years old, starved nearly to death and had never been inside of a barn - never felt the desire to trust a human. Together, we worked through her issues. She's a happy, well adjusted horse now - and I'm a happy, well adjusted person. My goal is to take her to a horse show this summer and for both of us to look even more fabulous than we look now!



Minor changes that improve the overall picture - upping calcium intake, flax, stevia, cutting out processed foods, and the like. Lots of fresh veggies for me.

New Brunswick, Canada -- seeking.sendiri@gmail.com (PLEASE SEND ME ENCOURAGEMENT :-D)



Add a Link Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born. - Dr. Dale Turner <link>afatgirlafathorse.blogspot.com</link> - the world of horses from the view of a plus sized rider!
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