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I DID IT!!!!! June 19th, 2010


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For so many years I have been struggeling with my weight, that I cannot even remember when it all started. Until the age of 6 I was so skinny that my parents were worried. Since I started walking I was in a gymnast-team but I had to quit after a little surgery. That was the start for me to put on weight. I was not allowed to move quickly for several weeks and somehow I started gaining. And with going to school there was a strong feeling of 'not belonging'. I always felt in the wrong place. I wanted to connect with someone but I seemed to be so different from everyone else.

In my teens I had a time when I felt so ashamed of my body, which - I know now - was not that huge at all. It just was not as skinny as the other girl's bodies. I wanted to disappear. In summer I was all dressed in long pants and long sleeved shirts and mostly wearing a jacket. I was sweating like hell and feeling so hot. But I neede this to cover up my body. A friend's mom asked me if I wasn't hot and I would have loved to tell her: Hell yes! I am almost dying of heat! But I couldn't. I couldn't tell her because committing meant that I would have had to take my jacket off. And this was not possible - no way ever!

But there were also times I felt more comfortable with my body.
There were periods of time when I lost some weight and I felt good about myself. The weight just never stayed off for too long.

I could pretty much say, that I've gained weight throughout my whole life. Until now I have reached the highest weight ever. It really has to stop here at this point! I see changes in my body. My belly is as huge as it has never been before! The horrible thing is, that I don't feel that fat at all!!!! The way I felt bigger than I was, when I was younger - the skinnier I feel now. The shock hits me everytime I see pictures of myself. This can't be me! I am not that huge!!!

Well, I guess I am...

But I cannot be angry with myself anymore. I cannot be disappointed with my body and my behavior anymore. I cannot deny that this is what I look like, what I built up over the years. All I am and every single pound I am 'wearing' is here for a reason. I put it there because I needed it in some way, because it was the only thing I could do. I didn't know better.

NOW it the time to be kind to myself, to be forgiving, to loving to myself. This is me - all of me. I cannot please others and it doesn't do me any good feeling ashamed of who I am. I want to be kind to myself and sympathize with myself, like I am do with others. I want to step in for myself like I would for someone, who can't step in for himself.

I am the choices I made. And now I choose to make different choices. I want to be good to myself. I want to open up my soul and I want to stop hiding what's inside of me. I want to stop protecting the sweet inner me, that is scared to come out, that is scared to bedissappointed. I want it to come through, come out, because it is beautiful - I am beautiful!

So, I will love myself with my strenghts and weaknesses, with my rough edges and my soft side.

NOW is the time to work with myself not against me!
NOW is the time to support myself!
NOW is the time to be proud of myself!
NOW is the time to trust myself!


"You have to find something that you love enough to be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles and break through the brick walls that are always going to be placed in front of you. If you don't have that kind of feeling for what it is you are doing, you'll stop at the first giant hurdle."
-George Lucas

Member Since: 3/5/2010

Fitness Minutes: 7,271

My Goals:
I want to feel good about myself

Weight goals:
Starting weight: 109
BMI: 40.5 (OMG!) - massive adipose :(
Goal weight: 65kg
Goal BMI: 24 (normal)

107.4 (39.9) (Adipose II) - 02.06.2014
105kg (39) - 23.06.2014
103.6 (5%) -
102.5kg (38) -
100kg (37) -
98.1 (10%) -
98kg (36) -
95kg (35) -
92.7 (15%) -
92kg (34) - (Adipose I)
90kg (33) -
87.2 (20%) -
87kg (32) -
84kg (31) -
82kg (30) -
81.8 (25%) -
79kg (29) -
76.3 (30%) -
76kg (28) -
73kg (27) -
71kg (26) -
70.9kg (35%)
68kg (25) -
65.4 (40%) -
65kg (24) - I AM NORMAL!!! Trip to ???
60kg (45%) -

Weight goals:
Starting weight: 107
BMI: 39.8 (OMG!) - almost massive adipose :(

My Program:
Whenever I was doing sports I felt good about myself - the rest followed. So I am adding 30 min. of 'running' to my daily schedule. Even though I am very slow, I will not pressure myself. I know that I will pick up speed after some time.

Personal Information:

Other Information:

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 current weight: 236.0 
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    Hello, dear friend! It looks like you're doing really well. :) Way to go on those workouts! How was dancing on Saturday night? ;)

    I start my new job on Wednesday. Eeeeeeee! I will have to drive far for two weeks of training, then after that it will be a better schedule and not as much driving.
    3221 days ago
  • v VW_STEPH
    Hope you're having a rockin' week! :D x
    3222 days ago
    Thanks for doing the workout and thanks for the goodie! :) Love it! This weekend I went to visit my sister. We wined and dined and shopped, but we also hiked. :) Did you have a nice weekend?
    3226 days ago
  • v VW_STEPH
    Hello lovely! :)
    Awww shame your battery went, we want a burpee! Hehe! Yep - we so don't realise how daunting it is to do a burpee in public until you stand there and think "woah... lots of people..".. adrenaline overload! So you just promised us a burpee for the end of Oct? Awesome ;) Are you visiting anywhere nice?

    I am grrrreat thankies! I'm just about to blog, feeling good. Kinda can't wait to get the weekend over though, so i can look forward to my weekend OFF work lol. x
    3227 days ago
    Burpee vid! Burpee vid! ;)

    Thanks for the encouragement, Spark Buddy :) :) And hugs to you too! Have a lovely week. :)
    3233 days ago
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