On my way to a wiser and healther person.

With the arrival of this unexpected visitor it's time for me to fly south to a warmer climate.


Fruit Salad


Dark Chocolate

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I've been a member before under the name of bossmommy and successfully lost 23 lbs. I'm back again hoping to successfully continue losing weight while becoming a stronger, healthier me.
I've twice come back to try and gain a life once more. Between the last two tries I became so depressed I tried as best as I could to kill myself. Unfortunately my family rescued me and now I am obligated to live for their happiness. Upon finding I was foiled by living my very first though and feeling was overwhelming sadness and remorse that I would now have to keep this body alive for however long it wil take to wear out. I have become so antisocial that even my own husband has moved into the basement where he lives to keep clear of me. I act appropiately when it is expected of me and retreat from intacting with others as quickly as I politely can. The only time I now leave the house is to go to an appointment that can not be avoided. My husband does all the grocery shopping, house hold bills and any other thing that requires leaving the house.
We have two grandchildren who are dropped off each morning before school so their dad can get to work on time and my husband gets up and feeds them and makes sure they get to school on time. I will sleep in anywhere between eleven am and one pm. This is because I am plagued every night with angiety, physical discomfors from my fibromyalgia, depression and irritable bowls and hemeroids.
I know this is what I have allowed myself to become but it is not who I was once and who I want to be again. I've just lost my way and forgot how to dream for something attainable that I want really badly
I'm nearing sixty and my husband and and I have retired from regular 9 - 5 jobs. We own a small cottage in a quaint village surrounded by farmland. I have the white cottage I always wanted as a dream goal.
We raised our one girl and one boy who have now gone on to having children of their own. They are all happy as far as they tell me with their lives
I look around at my life and as myself why am I so unhappy when I have achieved everthing I ever dared hope to expect out of life
I was once a person of great passion and creativity doing oil paintings, landscaping my property, interior directing my indoors and crafting a awide variety of articles, crochetting, reading mountains of adventure books and reading self help and individual instructional books for bettering myself and learning new things and skills.
The two people decribed here are two total opposite ends of the spectrum but they both still reside inside of me.
It may sound funny but it's not I assure you that my nights are spent mostly trying to figure out how to rid myself of all the negative I don't like about by nourishing the things I fell are the real me. I want to feel fired up about my politic ideology and want feel I am able to act upon them again in an active role. I used to be so community minded and now I cringe from having to say hello to a neighbor. I want to feel confortable going out and making friends agian instead of pretending not to here them at the door when they knock.
Like most grandparents I too would like to have the enery and feel the inner happiness that would enable me to be come more available to playing with the children for longer and not just on the computer with them but doing outside active fun stuff with them.
So her at 4:48 a.m after being awake with all these insecure thoughts trapping me in another sleepless night I decided to take another SPARKPEOPLE plundge and committ myself to success this time, becaues I know if I continue living my one foot in the grave lifestile, this foot won't take much longer to suck all of me completely out of existance
So Here is to finding that little girl I was so long ago who really have so much enjoyment and happiness towards life and couldn't wait to grow up so she could do everything in the whole wide world.

Member Since: 11/19/2008

Fitness Minutes: 240

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Read More About TINYAMMA - Profile Information moved here. (Updated March 8)

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    Hey! emoticon

    Great to see you! There have been lots of changes and things to catch up on for sure but for now I'll just say congrats on your weight loss! Good for you! I don't have the time to be online as much as I used to be but I have good intentions. I'll look forward to hearing from you once in a while if you like and I'll drop by your page as well. Best of luck.

    2295 days ago
    Thank-you for the relaxation music! I really appreciate it! I think if I layed back like that right now with my book I could fall asleep within minutes. Gotta love Monday mornings.
    3223 days ago
    Thanks for the comment about my fitness minutes Trish! I golf most weekends so that makes it add up in a hurry. I also go to the gym most days for about 30-40 minutes and on days when I don't do that I'll likely go for a walk. I wish my body looked like I exercise that much but in fact I don't look like I exercise at all. Frustrating to say the least!
    3223 days ago
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    3262 days ago
    DwD posse member just riding by on Silver bringing you emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    3444 days ago
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