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yes...thats an Aladdin quote.

Hey there! Im Jes :) and Im finally ready to rid myself of the extra weight, and why it got there in the first place.

First off, I have to say that I am just overcoming the soul-killing disorders that are panic and anxiety. I have always had anxiety, as young as I can remember, but about two years ago is when I dialed 911 for the first time and had a seizure because of it. I couldnt drive for fear of not being able to be helped if I have a seizure (agoraphobia) and going out to do normal things. After a month of not driving I said "f*uck this" and drove around the block. It scared me silly, but I didnt want to live afraid to do things I had done for so many years before this.

I still get the feeling of a small seizure every once in a while, but I can say I havent had one for over a year because I have learned how to prevent it. Its still difficult, but I have control now :)

I also am almost completely OFF my medications. I take lorazepam (was taking 1 mg 3 times per down to 1mg per day.) and the generic of prozac (was taking 40mg per day, now taking 20 mg per day only because i dont want to get off the meds too fast. ).

I used to have wicked heart palpitations 24/7, and even with the meds even if it was only an hour past when I was to take them. Now I only get them rarely at night' and only then do I take my prozac or lorazepam. I am trying to go as long as I can without them. Its going amazingly!

As for my weight, I have always been overweight, even obese, but I was extremely active at about 220 pounds. I would run 5 miles, workout twice a day, four days per week....I loved it! With this anxiety and panic, I have put on another 60ish pounds. During the last two years I have really wanted to lose weight, but really just focused on my anxiety. I feel I have a pretty good grip on that now so I can focus on my body :)

my goal would be in the 130s, BUT I have always been quick to add muscle mass, and probably (with my body composition) would be in the 150s as a more realistic goal. Either way, I have a long way to go.

I have given way too much time (in my opinion) to how I will lose this weight. I have thought about boot camping myself to workout dvds and being super strict with my diet. I even considered the lemonade diet, among others, but realized that these arent sustainable realities.

So what is my plan? This may sound weird, but I dont want a plan. Some may say that failing to plan is planning to fail, and to some extent I agree. BUT, I used to LOVE working out. I used to sit ups...FOR FUN!!! Yes, I was a freak of nature! And my goal is to adhere to a calorie goal for the day, and to love being active again. Is that a plan? Well I guess, but not nearly as complex as the MANY MANY lists and plans that I have created over the years, only to give up a couple days later. I have problems committing, so I just want to focus one day at a time, be reasonable, and make healthy choices.

One other component is that I want to surround myself with positive, self-improving individuals that I can lean on, as well as they being able to lean on me along this journey....not just of weight loss, but of life!

So say Hi if I havent said Hi first, and know that if anyone wants to talk, Im here. If anyone wants to share or laugh or challenge eachother, I am here :)

with love,


Member Since: 6/10/2013

My Goals:
Lose between 135-155 pounds.

My Program:
Walking and adhering to a calorie goal for the day

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