I reject my body and my body rejects me. That's my current situation. I had a number of weight loss successes in the past. But, that's the past. Right now, I'm 4 pounds shy of 300 and I feel and look disgusting. I'm sorry if this intro. is a downer. But, I need to face the reality of my situation. And, I am very down right now. My kids have agreed to monitor my page and help me with support. But, that's not their job. They shouldn't be worried about me. They have their lives to live. If I could crawl in a hole some where, I would. My daughter graduates from high school in 6 weeks and the things on my mind are what will I ever wear, will I be able to walk to the venue and will the seat hold me. I feel like such a failure as a mother. I got really sick and I was bed-ridden for a long time. And, I was taking steroids for inflammation. The combination of those things and my food addiction and lack of discipline makes for a very fat Marilyn. A lot of the pain has ceased, but I have really bad leg cramps at night. I just lack the motivation and pushing past the pain is NO JOKE! I want to do it. I really do. Or, at least I think that I do. If I wanted it that bad, wouldn't I do it? Well, anyway, I'm back on spark people. I've gotten a lot of help from this community. I don't want the rest of my life to be like this. I want to be healthy. I want to have self-control. I want to be able to walk and enjoy my kids. I want my skin/flesh to stop bursting at the seams and weeping. I want to be able to pull myself up from a sitting position. I want to be able to go to sleep without fearing pain/cramping. I want to wake up and not feel like a waste or a great big disappointment to God, myself and every single person in my life.

My goal weight is 150 pounds. I am 5'2" tall. Goal: May 2015- Daughter's Graduation -Be able to walk without getting tired -Have on an outfit and undergarments that fit -Have my hair, nails and makeup on point

I am striving to eat clean and exercise more. No more...no less. Plain and simple.

I love cardinal birds. I love cherry blossom trees in the Springtime. I love my children. And, I love my God.

Music moves me, profoundly.

Add a Link �But if the Spirit of Him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, He that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by His Spirit that dwelleth in you.� Romans 8:11
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