MUSICHOUR
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My cute 3 year old (as of April 2016) Tuxi, Vicks.



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Oh hey, it's me. Nothing exciting to see here.



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...and back to Vicks because he is more photogenic.


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Hi! I like cats, anime, manga, video games, and cute things. I also enjoy doing neat things like writing and sipping tea endlessly.

I've been obese most of my life and have tried losing weight several times. The only time I had a taste of success was when I signed up with Sparkpeople in late January 2008. I initially dropped weight really fast, but the weight loss slowed down and I had a lot of struggles. Ultimately I lost about 70 pounds by the end of the year.

At the beginning of 2009 I felt like I was on top of the world because I didn't completely loathe what I saw in the mirror for literally the first time in my life, exercise had finally become a habit, and I even briefly caught a glimpse of "Onederland" on the scale. A couple of months into the year, however, my life kind of spiraled downward quickly as I did several things that took me years to forgive myself for and even lost several friends. I later found out that they resented me for losing weight anyway, so it might not have been a completely bad thing. Anyway, I ended up dropping my exercise habits and eating my feelings again--partially out of self punishment and partially because suddenly boys were taking an interest in me and really liked the way I looked probably for the first time in my life and it really scared me. I completely lost myself and was 10 pounds away from where I started by February 2011.

After I got my first full time job in 2011, I started to lose weight again, but it was a lot harder than it was the first time around and I was still dealing with a lot of negative feelings from the things that happened in 2009. On top of that, I had a lot of stress to deal with just from adjusting to getting a full time job and ultimately became obsessed with the scale and food tracking to a degree that I felt like a failure unless I ate exactly what the tracker told me to and developed a fear of even being near food sometimes because I felt like even inhaling the aroma would cause weight gain. I resorted to extremes such as starving myself, binging and attempting to purge but failing (I guess not everyone can make themselves throw up?), starving again, and then lots of binging. Ultimately, trying to track that mess was impossible. I also developed an unhealthy obsession with exercise and spent most of my free time either working out or researching different exercise routines and meal plans. I lost all resemblance of a life, but I told myself it was okay at the time because the pay off would make it all worth it. Needless to say, that attempt wasn't very successful and the scale budged really slowly--but at least it budged somewhat.

I became the fat girl that knew everything about weight loss, but couldn't lose weight herself. I reminded myself that it was just who I was almost every day at some point because talking about weight loss so much and giving advice felt absolutely humiliating since I couldn't follow my own advice completely. For some reason I even went so far as to give a speech for a class about not dieting around children and teaching them to have a healthy relationship with food because I know that a lot of my problems with food started very young. I felt humiliated that I did that because who would want to listen to a fat girl preach about relationships with food and not dieting?

For a few years I had a lot of pain in my right side that gradually got worse and worse. I was pretty convinced that it was just muscle pain coupled with a bad mattress. I was still obsessively working out, so it made sense to both me and my family. I've always had a rather high pain tolerance, so I just pushed through it believing that ultimately I would lose weight and the pain would resolve itself. Well, long story short, it didn't. By the end of 2014 I ended up unable to do anything besides lay on the couch and cry from pain instead of exercise or cook, so there was a lot of ordering take out at that time. Turns out my gallbladder randomly decided that it couldn't take life anymore, quit functioning, and just collected tissue until it was about twice its original size. My doctor said that this had to have been going on for at least a year and that if it weren't for the tissue that had formed around it there's a good chance it would have been life threatening, but thanks to Time Hop I realized that I had been fussing about that pain since late 2011.

After yet another stressful year I ended up eating myself right up to 10 pounds before I started, which is where I am right now. It took me a year and a half to fully recover from my gallbladder surgery and other complications such as sciatica and costochondritis (both of which are still very much present, they just come and go) so I'm pretty weak compared to how I was back in 2008 and I'm obviously significantly older. At the same time I feel like I'm too young to face the complications that I'm dealing with right now and would really like to get healthy and back to a point where I don't mind my reflection again.


Member Since: 4/20/2016

Fitness Minutes: 308

My Goals:
-- 10 pound loss: School-Live! Vol 2 Manga

Ultimately I'd like to lose well over 100 pounds and become really good at DDR again. I plan to add more rewards to this list when I think of them...


My Program:
I follow a mostly Japanese diet already. For some reason, that's all I wanted after my gallbladder surgery. My problem lies in portion control and having too many "treats" per week, so I guess my program is to continue eating lots of things like vegetables and fish, but pay more attention to the portion control and severely limit how many times per week I eat things like pizza.

I also won't cut out any food group entirely because my focus is on learning to healthily eat a balanced diet.



Personal Information:
I live in Alabama, I'm engaged to the man I have been with for the last 12 years and look forward to spending the rest of my life with, and have an adorable tuxedo kitty named Vicks. Also, in case it isn't obvious by now, I have a tendency to be a little bit of a windbag D:

** Background image came from http://tamatanz.tumblr.com/post/1383972131
43/a-backgroundpattern-i-did-couldnt-d
ecide-on.


Other Information:
I mentioned that I love anime in my gigantic blurb above. Some of the series that I'm obsessing over at the moment are Osomatsu-san, Ace Attorney (the anime I've been wanting for YEARS), The Lost Village, Re-Life, and... a few others I can't think of at the moment. I could go into a list of my all time favorites, but I would still be writing this a month from now and wouldn't get any exercising done.

Aside from that, I have had a passion for Japanese culture in general since before I even discovered anime. A few other interests include Harry Potter, A Wrinkle in Time book series, writing, drawing, cats, and other things that aren't coming to mind at the moment.




Read More About MUSICHOUR - Profile Information moved here. (Updated April 26)




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Comments
  • v ASWEGN
    I hope everything is going well :D
    1255 days ago
  • v GEMINIGEM6
    Hey there! I read your 'about me' and saw that you had gallbladder surgery. I had it myself in Feb. When you said it's taken you awhile to get over it, I can relate. I don't know why people make this surgery seem like a walk in the park, it is not. However, thank God we can function without the gallbladder. I still have pains under my right breast, right side where the gallbladder was, my belly button and stomach. So it's not like people just get over it in 2 weeks like they lead you to believe. Lol. Just wanted you to know I can relate and you will continue to get through this. I am also cheering you on in your weight loss journey. I am wanting to lose about 60-70 lbs myself. Don't know yet. I've lost weight & gained it back also. I lost 48lbs back in 2013 and put most of it back on. I just started my journey again a few weeks ago and have lost 8 lbs so far. So let's do this! Your lil kitty Vicks is so cute!--Holland
    1276 days ago
  • v TURTLE69
    Welcome to Crazy About Cats and Done Being the Fat Girl Teams! emoticon Feel free to add me as a friend. If you need any support or just someone to talk with, give me a holler.

    emoticon

    Vanessa
    1286 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/4/2016 1:25:16 PM
  • v RENEGADE-57
    Your goal here is to develop a healthy lifestyle, weight loss is a by-product of the new lifestyle!
    1288 days ago
  • v LEEANTHONY40
    Thank you for the recipe links. Always looking for lower sodium dishes and makeovers. Also don't like adding hot spices. Keep trying new spices and herbs. That is Simon with me in profile picture. A very loving cat who passed 2 months shy of his 21st year. He helped me foster many cats, kittens and dogs over the years. Uncle Simon to many fur kids. Was with me from his birth to his last purr. You never know when your posts are going to help someone else, you rock, even on the days you think you don't! Keep it up!
    1291 days ago
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