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My best "before" picture, about 140 lbs more than Jan 09 - with my big brother (age wise obviously)

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Out on a hike - Feb 09 - 100lbs down

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Memorial day hike on Mt Saint Helens...down - 134 lbs

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A life that truly began to thrive at 46yrs old. My mind and spirit are finally getting healthy and content, now my goal is to take care of the body that has endured so much to make her fit and healthy as well.

This is a struggle that takes on many disguises. It is an old struggle for me. Somehow going from a "Thick, Strong Muscular" woman to a "Fat, Weak, Flabby Woman" in a single decade of my life. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think "Who the He** are you"?

I am finding the key is not to loathe that woman in the mirror. Disliking her, being ashamed or afraid of her just makes the battle more difficult. She deserves all the nurturing, self love, gentle guidance and respect of anyone else. And more than some.

I made peace with have peace with me.


I began a gradual weight loss effort (the kind you do not admit due to fear of failure) before I joined Sparkspeople with some success (about 46lbs in 5 years) but most details I quote on this page are from the day I officially began a specific weight loss plan - June 11th, 2008

Weight Loss Goals;

25 lbs down by Aug 11th - Done!
50 lbs down by November 3rd - Done ahead of schedule!
75 lbs down by January 26th - Done, ahead of schedule!
100 lbs down by March 9th - Done ahead of schedule!
125 lbs down by April 1st - Did not make this goal on schedule. 120 lbs down only. I am learning the weight loss is slowing weigh down (pun intended) as I near my goal. I will have to realign my goals to be more realistic to avoid dissapointment. But I will accept the 120 with gratitude!
125 lbs down April 22 ! A little later than goal, but here I am!
20.6 lbs to goal! I have reset my goal 10 lbs more than I did when I started otherwise I would be 10 lbs from goal darn it. Stay tuned!


UPDATE 12/31/2008

It has been 198 days since I officially began this journey. Below are some of the changes that happened so subtly that I can't tell you exactly when they arrived;

* I can stand for as long as I want without back pain. Before I could only stand still about 5 minutes without pain.

* I fit behind the steering wheel at its lowest setting with lots of room to spare. Before it was at its highest setting with no room to spare.

* I think nothing of walking to the coffee shop, store or park. Before I would have been concerned about the pain and potential to be challenged on the way back.

* I bought a size 18 pants and top this week. I began this journey at a 32 - 4X pants and a 30/32 - 4/5X top.

* I have way more energy to live life.

* I have (with the help of God, good friends, family and Sparkspeople) conquered demons that have haunted me since childhood.

* I have averaged a daily weight loss of .45lbs

* Today I did a 20 minute "Mountain Program" on the treadmill and a 30 minute "Cardio Challenge Program" on the Elliptical. 198 days ago I could not have completed the Treadmill program without stopping to rest and experiencing significant pain in my knees and back. Today I was sweaty and my heart rate was up - 1 minute after the workout I was practically fully recovered - and no pain.

* It feels sooo good when my husband says " Baby, you look wonderful with all those curves".

* I now have great breasts - they were here the whole time but since my belly stuck out just as far as they did - who knew?

* The dramatic response from people who have not seen me for several months is sometimes overwhelming to me.

* Somehow, when I am in control of my health, so many of lifes other challenges seem smaller and less significant.

* I am profoundly grateful.

* I know anyone can do this.


Never, never, never quit.
~Winston Churchill
The tragedy in life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.
~Benjamin Mays
Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they are dim, the whole world is clouded.~ Goethe
"Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power. ~Shirley MacLaine"
The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.... --~Albert Einstein
Run when you can, walk when you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up. -Dean Karnazes
It doesn’t matter who or what you are. We all know what pain is, what love is and what makes us happy. By the end of the day, we all know how to dream.

A tribute to June bug, 1993-2007 Written by her human friend, Collin.

A Favorite Peom

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

***Update*** 4-16-2011 I am updating this section instead of rewriting it because the journey I have made is important in every way. I have regained 60 lbs from goal weight and struggling to regain control, the dynamic is a common one and writing it out here is just one of the many steps I am taking to find the healthy me again. Todays blog entry gives a few more details.

Member Since: 7/16/2008

My Goals:
My goal is to once and for all shift my lifestyle (especially eating habits) to something healthy and nurturing for my body, mind and soul.

In the numbers, my goal is to lose 154 lbs. What a huge scary number, but my current weight is much scarier.

My Program:
I use Sparks religiously, I log everything I eat and try to stay between 1, 200 - 1,400 calories a day (closer to 1200).
I do 30 minutes of cardio on the elliptical 3 days a week, 50 minutes of cardio on the treadmill and elliptical 3 days a week. I do strength training 2 days a week and in general incorporate exercise into my day to day life as much as possible. I am the person who takes the stairs, parks farther away and walks to the coffee shop.

Personal Information:
I am a Pittsburgh PA girl at heart (Go Steelers!) who has traveled much of the country and has finally settled down in the Pacific Northwest.

I have a wonderful husband that I adore, his children and grandchildren, our new home, hobbies and friends.

Other Information:
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming 'WOW What a Ride!'"

Read More About MUCH_TO_DO - Profile Information moved here. (Updated April 16)

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  • v HONEYBEE56
    emoticon Hello again, I'm back to see how you are doing and to let you know I'm thinking of you. How have you been? I haven't heard from you in ages!

    Here's my tip for today:
    You can't be happy all of the time; but you can focus your thoughts on happy things such as family, friends, job, hobbies, or whatever you find important.

    Sparkpeople has a great selection of positive articles and comments, here's one of my favorites:
    I hope you have a really great week!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon Dusty

    3610 days ago
  • v HONEYBEE56
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Hi, it's been a while since I've stopped by your page to check on you so I thought I'd take a quick moment; how are things going for you?

    I read somewhere that one lady stacked empty butter cartons on top of each other as she lost the weight so that she could see what it looked like. Now I picture every pound of my excess weight as a brick of butter; which is also pure fat. So any weight I lose, I mentally stack in the corner of my mind to remind me what it looks like.

    Hey... Keep reminding yourself how hard you worked and that you deserve to lose for your efforts; and by all means, keep on keeping on!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Dusty

    3625 days ago
  • v HONEYBEE56
    emoticon Hi !
    It's December already; can you believe it? November and December are the busiest months for me (besides July and August and September!) It seems the Holidays bring our friends and families closer and we spend more time visiting, and entertaining during these two months than any others; lots of Holiday preparation going too!

    I find that I don't often get an opportunity to get around to Sparkpeople as much, but I try to stay focused as much as possible. Sometimes my good friend Will Power (who is always a welcome guest) doesn't show up until 'after' dinner, but I'm working on that as well.

    I hope things are going well for you and you don't find yourself too busy to take care of yourself. You are the most important person in your life!

    Keep in touch!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    3700 days ago
  • v HONEYBEE56
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    emoticon Hi !
    How's things going for you today?
    I'm excited and eager to lose weight to get fit.
    I'm so glad to be motivated again, it took a long time, but finally I'm inspired. Some people just want to get sexy; not me...I just want to get healthy.

    Keep on keeping on!

    Whatever your personal goals are and whatever you do it for YOU! Your worth it!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Dus

    3727 days ago
  • v HONEYBEE56

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Hi again!

    I must apologize for neglecting you these last few months...I've been really slack this summer and now into fall...oh I've been mindful of my food intake...but I have to admit that I haven't been restricting myself the way I should have been. Now to pay the piper! Oy! But I must say that the time has passed quickly and I now find it too cold to do too much outside (I'm a wimp) so I should have more time for sparkpeople.

    I seen this tip recently in some publication and thought it noteworthy to share and try:

    Add this to your rice and curb your appetite all day long...

    Shrink your appetite, your calorie intake, and your pants size with just one little addition to your rice: vegetables.

    In a recent study of normal-weight people, mixing vegetables into a plain rice dish at lunch helped people feel fuller for the rest of the day. So much so that they ate way fewer calories at dinner than the folks who had their rice straight up.

    Have a super wonderful week!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    3750 days ago
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