KOOKERBEE

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I can't believe I'm uploading this...but this is me at my highest weight (right now, sadly). The above picture is me at this weight too...just taken from a better angle ;)



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My puppy, Ziggy


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Hello Spark Friends.

I joined this website over four years ago, hoping it would help me with weight loss, and that is still my ultimate goal. I want to feel beautiful and confident and strong, inside and out. However, I've realized that before I get to that goal, I need to get a few psychological issues taken care of. Like, binge eating. And learning some new coping skills, other than stuffing myself with food. So that is my focus right now, because binging is my brick wall, blocking the road to my fit body.

My strengths: I work out once a week with a close friend. I am trying to give myself credit for this, but it's hard when I used to work out 2x/week with a trainer and 2x/week on my own. But I'm proud that I have a consistent 1x/week workout, and I'm working on turning that into 2x/week.

My challenges: I binge eat. I am also the responsible party and primary caretaker for two family members who suffer from bipolar disorder and severe depression. So yeah, I take care of others at the expense of myself. I'm working on it.

My ultimate goal is to reach 150 lbs. the RIGHT WAY, and to enjoy the journey. I'd love to learn how to cook along the way, and to transform into an athlete! I've already learned how to cook some healthy Indian food, courtesy of my mother-in-law. I love surfing cookinglight.com and sparkrecipes to find new ideas. And as far as becoming an athlete, a couple of years ago I got to experience the feeling of running a mile for the first time, tears in my eyes, crazy with happiness and disbelief that this "unathletic" girl accomplished something so huge.

Two years ago I got married to the love of my life, and now I want to build the best life possible, and the greatest version of myself. Not only the greatest version physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well. Balance is what I'm after. I have an 18-year-old daughter and it's not too late to set a good example.

On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow.
-Friedrich Nietzsche

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My DONE! statement:
I am done:
*spending 50% time and effort for no results, when I could be making this a priority.
*with pity party eating. Yes, my feelings are real, but food is not the way to deal with them.
*feeling like my life will be great...WHEN I'M THIN.
*With aching joints, and feeling three times my age.
*justifying my extra weight to people.
*avoiding social events because I don't like how I look.
*feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.
*losing weight for others.
*feeling like all my best qualities don't really matter, because I'm fat.
*making excuses to myself.
*thinking and planning at the expense of taking action.
*not putting myself and my needs first.

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Member Since: 3/30/2009

Fitness Minutes: 358

My Goals:
1) By May 1st, 2014, my blood sugar will be back to normal and out of the pre-diabetic category.

2) I will lose 20 pounds by the end of 2013. While my ultimate goal is much larger, I think this will take away the pain of aching joints.

3) I will go to my 20-year high school reunion in May 2014 feeling beautiful, accomplished, and proud.

4) I'd like to improve my flexibility and establish a regular (2x/week) bikram yoga practice. I definitely need a spiritual element in my workouts.

5) I want to end binge eating and learn how to lose weight and become fit without feeling too deprived.


My Program:
Due to joint pain I am limited in the activities I can do right now.

1) I am striving for high intensity interval training for 30 minutes, 4x/week. Right now I'm at 1x/week (11/12/13).

3) I use a hunger scale to determine when to eat. I am really focusing on portion size and stopping before I'm full.

4) I'm working on changing my critical inner voice by journaling, meditating, posting motivational quotes, and changing my self-talk.



Personal Information:
I'm Laura from Denver, CO. I'm 5'7" and 37 years old, with one 18-year-old daughter.


Other Information:
Stuff I love: great books, ee cummings, falling snow, decorating my house, having a martini with friends, walking in my neighborhood while singing along to my ipod, learning to cook Indian food, The Biggest Loser, traveling and learning about different cultures, feminism, learning about political issues, playing Ms. Pac Man, and laser tag.




Read More About KOOKERBEE - Profile Information moved here. (Updated November 29)




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 current weight: 250.0 
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Comments
  • v JUSTKRISTI
    Hey Laura. I've been gone for a long time as well. Getting back and it's making a difference :) Thanks for reaching out...all my spark friends have been gone too. Good to be back and part of the Spark community again! emoticon
    2555 days ago
  • v L.A.PRINCESS
    Hey Laura! I haven't been active for months but I want come back soon. I just moved to Kansas and I still need to get internet but I miss it. I'm great other than gaining weight back lol. I hope all is well with you too.
    emoticon
    Nena
    2556 days ago
  • v NICKJAROSH
    HEY! So doing great? Staying with it?
    2557 days ago
  • v MOTIVATIONFOUND
    Thank you for your comment on my blog. I really appreciate the support. :)

    Have a great week!

    Laura
    2564 days ago
  • v JULIAMOONCHILD
    Hey there, KOOKERBEE, I am thinking of you and sending you warm thoughts. I sure hope your hip pain is gone today or at the very least tolerable. I feel for you. It is next to impossible for most of us to function on any normal level whenever we are in pain and sometimes all you can do is listen to our bodies and give it whatever it demands of us. But, oh the quilt that sometimes comes when all we can do is listen to it - especially when we want to fight back ... when we want to move on without it!
    Anyway, whatever you have to do right now to feel better - do it! You are so on the right path and nothing is going to stop you from reaching your goals. Any delays you have the long the way, due to pain, will be directed by you and your wisdom to do what is best for you on any given day. The pain is not in charge of you. You are in charge of it - And though today it might seem to be kicking you down, sooner than it realizes you will have kicked it's arse to the curb for good. emoticon
    emoticon

    2566 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/16/2013 10:47:58 AM
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