KOOKERBEE

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I can't believe I'm uploading this...but this is me at my highest weight (right now, sadly). The above picture is me at this weight too...just taken from a better angle ;)



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My puppy, Ziggy


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Hello Spark Friends.

I joined this website over four years ago, hoping it would help me with weight loss, and that is still my ultimate goal. I want to feel beautiful and confident and strong, inside and out. However, I've realized that before I get to that goal, I need to get a few psychological issues taken care of. Like, binge eating. And learning some new coping skills, other than stuffing myself with food. So that is my focus right now, because binging is my brick wall, blocking the road to my fit body.

My strengths: I work out once a week with a close friend. I am trying to give myself credit for this, but it's hard when I used to work out 2x/week with a trainer and 2x/week on my own. But I'm proud that I have a consistent 1x/week workout, and I'm working on turning that into 2x/week.

My challenges: I binge eat. I am also the responsible party and primary caretaker for two family members who suffer from bipolar disorder and severe depression. So yeah, I take care of others at the expense of myself. I'm working on it.

My ultimate goal is to reach 150 lbs. the RIGHT WAY, and to enjoy the journey. I'd love to learn how to cook along the way, and to transform into an athlete! I've already learned how to cook some healthy Indian food, courtesy of my mother-in-law. I love surfing cookinglight.com and sparkrecipes to find new ideas. And as far as becoming an athlete, a couple of years ago I got to experience the feeling of running a mile for the first time, tears in my eyes, crazy with happiness and disbelief that this "unathletic" girl accomplished something so huge.

Two years ago I got married to the love of my life, and now I want to build the best life possible, and the greatest version of myself. Not only the greatest version physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well. Balance is what I'm after. I have an 18-year-old daughter and it's not too late to set a good example.

On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow.
-Friedrich Nietzsche

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My DONE! statement:
I am done:
*spending 50% time and effort for no results, when I could be making this a priority.
*with pity party eating. Yes, my feelings are real, but food is not the way to deal with them.
*feeling like my life will be great...WHEN I'M THIN.
*With aching joints, and feeling three times my age.
*justifying my extra weight to people.
*avoiding social events because I don't like how I look.
*feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.
*losing weight for others.
*feeling like all my best qualities don't really matter, because I'm fat.
*making excuses to myself.
*thinking and planning at the expense of taking action.
*not putting myself and my needs first.

________________________________________
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Member Since: 3/30/2009

Fitness Minutes: 358

My Goals:
1) By May 1st, 2014, my blood sugar will be back to normal and out of the pre-diabetic category.

2) I will lose 20 pounds by the end of 2013. While my ultimate goal is much larger, I think this will take away the pain of aching joints.

3) I will go to my 20-year high school reunion in May 2014 feeling beautiful, accomplished, and proud.

4) I'd like to improve my flexibility and establish a regular (2x/week) bikram yoga practice. I definitely need a spiritual element in my workouts.

5) I want to end binge eating and learn how to lose weight and become fit without feeling too deprived.


My Program:
Due to joint pain I am limited in the activities I can do right now.

1) I am striving for high intensity interval training for 30 minutes, 4x/week. Right now I'm at 1x/week (11/12/13).

3) I use a hunger scale to determine when to eat. I am really focusing on portion size and stopping before I'm full.

4) I'm working on changing my critical inner voice by journaling, meditating, posting motivational quotes, and changing my self-talk.



Personal Information:
I'm Laura from Denver, CO. I'm 5'7" and 37 years old, with one 18-year-old daughter.


Other Information:
Stuff I love: great books, ee cummings, falling snow, decorating my house, having a martini with friends, walking in my neighborhood while singing along to my ipod, learning to cook Indian food, The Biggest Loser, traveling and learning about different cultures, feminism, learning about political issues, playing Ms. Pac Man, and laser tag.




Read More About KOOKERBEE - Profile Information moved here. (Updated November 29)




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 current weight: 250.0 
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Comments
  • v SUNSHINE__JDL
    Hi Laura,

    Thank you for stopping by my page over the years. I can't believe that I'm back on here after all of this time. I received the notification through my email that you commented on my page & I remembered that we used to talk so I logged into review your comment. Thank you for your kind words & inspiration after all this time! I'm sorry that I have MIA for a LONG time! I will have to update my page b/c A LOT has changed since I have been on here last! Thank you for getting me back on here b/c you never realize how you can effect another life just by reaching out with words of inspiration! I truly hope all is going well with you & that you're able to reach your goals! Thank you again & please keep in touch! :)

    2553 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/1/2013 4:04:03 PM
  • v JULIAMOONCHILD
    Thanks for the inquiry about my own animal project that has been simmering in my mind for quite a while now. I appreciate your interest! Now, although I don't have time at the moment to go into it, I will try to share it here in the days or weeks to come. Well, truth be told, it may take more than days or even months to find the free time to write about it .... might even be a blog ....and it's bound to make some folk a little ticked off, perhaps, but so be it. Anyway, it has to do with things that are done TO animals just to make their owners happy while the animal often suffers immensely.
    Well, enuff said for today, buddy, but I will definitely share more with ya later on - beit through blog or saprk mail.

    Hope your weekend is going GRrrrrrreat!
    2554 days ago
  • v IXCHEL23
    Hi Laura! emoticon Of course it's ok to add me as a friend, I love making new sparkfriends. I read your page. I too suffer from binge eating and dealing with emotions with food. I know my trigger foods so if I make sure I stay away from them, and not have a single taste that helps alot. I have a journal I write all my daily meals, exercise, water, etc. I pretty much know what is working for me, it's just a matter of keeping up. Writing down at the end of the day what I eat seems to keep me accountable and I can see when I have a great weekly loss what I eat or vice-versa. So far 13 DAYS BINGE-FREE! emoticon
    My sister's name is Laura, and I did visit Boulder once, it was beautiful!! I love yoga and also would love to learn to make indian food. Biggest Loser...love it!! emoticon

    I'm sorry to hear you have joint pain, do you have any food allergies? They are now finding that some persons who have rheumatoid arthritis do better when they eliminate gluten. My knees crack and crunch when I squat or climb stairs but don't hurt. I know it's a matter of time they will hurt. I too have to lose weight since I do know that your weight is multiplied numerous times on your knees with each step you take. emoticon I read your blog about your doctor's advice. I will hop on over there after I finish this! emoticon

    I love SP too, there are many supportive persons, you can learn alot, be motivated with team challenges and be definitely be inspired! If you need anything just stop on by my page!
    emoticon emoticon
    2555 days ago
  • v JULIAMOONCHILD
    Back again ...
    Man, I am hopping mad!!! I was in the middle of a rather long comment on your last blog (YIKES!), when suddenly, BAM, I lost it! All that I had written was gone and now I must wait until I have a free moment here to start over. Not that my words were that important, mind you, but I really wanted to share some thoughts with you.
    2555 days ago
  • v JULIAMOONCHILD
    THANK YOU!!! Wow, what an awesome comment you left on my blog about accountability. I relate so much to what you shared (I think many of us do), and, like you, I think there are only a couple SP buddies that I would ever think about giving a tiny bit of "WTH are ya doing?" kind of honest comment. Of course it would be quite hypocritical on my part to even ask such a question of anyone at this time, since I am basically doing nothing positive, health wise, for myself at the moment.
    Still, whenever I do get back on board ... Hmmm .........and maybe if I ever start practicing what I'm preaching, I can start being a bit more of a HONEST to goodness friend, rather than a blind cheerleader who is cheering my buds right over the proverbial cliff.
    Anyway, just so ya know, I welcome any KICK IN THE PANTS you ever dish out to me. God knows I could use it! emoticon
    emoticon emoticon
    2555 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/29/2013 11:01:39 AM
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