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UPDATED APRIL 7th, 2012:

Hi Sparkies (thats my new name for all my Spark people friends),

Yes I am back after a looong, looong journey of self discovery and indulgence! For some people, the road to success is longer, for others it is a short journey. For some its a rough and bumpy road, for others its a smooth ride.

Despite what route you take or how your journey went...there is always something to learn from it. Some may learn from it while others may choose to ignore them and brush it off as just another part of life. Then there are others that are in denial and dont want to face their inner demons so block their experience as if it never happened.

I on the other hand...I chose to learn from my journey to my journey to loving myself more and more as the days go by, my journey to embrace and enhance the things I cannot change, my journey to a healthier lifestyle, and to use my experience during my rough journey to help others as it helped me to find myself again. To help others have a smoother journey and preparing them for all the hurdles a head. Of course one cannot anticiapte all the unexepected nuisances but having a gmae plan prepares you to stand strong and fight them!

To have an insight of my journey is to see where I came from and where I am now and where I am goung,..

You see, I joined Spark People on September 2010. At the time, my ultimate goal was to loose a total of 50lbs (my starting weight then was 195lbs. At the time I was obsessed with reaching my goal weight. What I failed to understand was that the actual weight...the number on the scale was the Devil! It was the thing that ironoically prevented me from meeting my goals sooner.

When that scale moved down...I was ecstatic and my day was amazing but once it moved UP...then my mood changed and I got depressed and self destructive. It made me question my hard work.

By March of 2011, I was able to loose 20lbs but I felt like I was loosing it too slowly...that was 20lbs in 6 months. I was reading peoples blogs on Sparks People who sort of started at the same weight range as I did at the same time who had lost 30lbs and more. I thought something was wrong! I was going to the gym steadily 3-4 times a week! I seemed to eb stuck at 175ish. So I finally decided to get a Personal Trainer who started training me in March 2010.

By Mid-May I had lost another 10lbs...bringing me down to 165lbs! I hadnt been this weight since 2005!! I was so happy! But then something happened, I sort of got comfortable with my new weight...(30lbs lost total) and thought I had it all under control and then started eating a few thigns that I deprived myself of...then came the occassional outings with one drink, then two cocktails,..then came the occassional "Oh lets go out and treat ourselves to Thai food, or Chinese food" etc and it never stopped,. I thought I coudl throw those foods into my diet adn justburn it off the next day but BOY WAS I WRONG.

I thought that I lost 30lbs so I knew it all about weight loss, What I didnt know was that teh number of pounds lost dont mean a THING if you dont understand your physiological make-up, and what types of food you should eat! What i didnt understand at the time was an understanding between the different food types and my each food group affects my body! I thought i coudl just eat anything and then burn it off with exercise. Well I guess my "KNOW IT ALL" mentality cost me a weight gain of 10lbs by July 2010 and another 27lbs by December 15th 2010!

So by December 15th I was a whopping 202lbs...7 lbs more than my prior all time high (my previous highest weight ever was 195 on September 2010). i managed to destroy my body by gaining back all the weight that I had lost between Sept 201-May 2011!! Bottom line is that I gained 32lbs in 7 months!

But I am proud to tell you all that I came to a realization and understanding of my body. I DECIDED I had to do SOMETHING about it! I was so embarrased as my friends could not believe how I gained all the weight I had worked so hard to loose! So this time I decided to start all over again..but this time I would change many I started my 2nd Journey in attempting to shed some pounds and to just worship my body again. Worshipping would mean giving it healthy food instead of infecting it with junk, keeping my heart pumping with excercise, and cleansing my system by drinking lots of water.

This 2nd Journey started on Dec 20th, 2012 (when I was 202.6lbs) ...and now I am proud to say that I am 171lbs! 30lbs lost but just finding new ways to make better choices and incorporating some daily acitvity into my life. This time around I wasnt depended on the scale as I felt myself looking slimer and feeling stronger. So what if the scale did nto move for 2 weeks...I felt great and looked great! I felt my clothes getting looser. All I know is that if you are eating the right foods in the right proportions and working out regularly, you will get leaner despite what the scale says! The KEY THING IS TO LEARN ABOUT YOUR BODY! No two bodies are the same even if they have the same shape! In Decemeber 2011 when I started my 2nd Attempt to loose the weight, i did what I had never done before...I started reading alot of books on how certain food groups work on the body. I read alot about different forms of excercises, and hwo to maximize each exercise to burn more fat! Previously when I had lost weight, I didnt even knwo that you had to burn 3500 calories to loose a pound! Now I track my food and exercise daily and this has helped me tremendously to stay on point and to control what goes in my body!

I only use the scale to have a rough idea of my progress...but to me the greatest and my number 1 progress lies inall the healthy choices I make...even on my cheat days. If I feel like McDonald, I go for it. Only difference is that when I order my favorite Crispy Chicken sandwich combo meal...I leave out the Mayo, and all the other stuff and keep only the tomatoe and lettuce. I also go for small fries instead of large fries and choose unsweetend Ice-tea (I add splenda to it) and VOILA! There goes my cravings!!

It amazes me how I lost 30lbs in 3 months this time around whereas back in 2010, it took me 8 months to loose 30lbs (and I had a trainer). Have faith in yourself! I love eating freggies! When I crave something sweet...I have no problem substituting a Twix bar for a Fiber One bar dipped in Peanut Butter!!

Anyway, my final weight range is around 145lbs. Thats the weight I was at to fit in most of the clothes I wore only 5-6 years ago! As long as I fit in them...I dont care if I'm 160lbs! Fitting in those clothes will determine my goal!

The moral of this story is just be patient! Even trainers dont know your body better than you do! Not all exercises work for everybody! I WORSHIP MY BODY now and MY BODY IS MY TEMPLE so what ever goes in it gets inspected!

I will continue my updates on my journey to lossing inches and being healthy! I knwo this is sooo long but I had to share with you all what was on my mind. I find putting down my thoughts as a form of therapy adn If I can help others with their journey to a healthier life, then my work is done! GOOD LUCK SPARKIES and please feel free to ADD MY AS A FRIEND! I would to ehar your STORY no matter how small :-)

Member Since: 9/12/2010

Fitness Minutes: 3,890

My Goals:

NEW...2012 GOALS:

*Not letting the scale determine my weight loss success!

*Loosing weight and inches the right way by making healthier eating choices and adapting a more active daily workout routine.

*To fit into all my goals that I wore 6 years ago when I was 145lbs (even if it means my final weight is more than 145lbs!!)

*To find something good about myself everyday!

My Program:
EDITED ON 04/07/12

-Going to the gym 5 days per week or doing a minimum of 5 hours per week at the gym (doing a mixture cardio and strength training)

-Eating lots of Freggies

-Cutting off most refined Carbs!

-Drinking lots of water

- Doing More Outside Activities this summer

Personal Information:
EDITED ON 04/12/12:
I am a strong believer in treating myself after a great job done! Always give yourself a PAT in the BACK first!!


10lbs lost (total of 42lbs lost) = Two cheat days instead of One Cheat day in the same week [DONE]

15lbs lost (total of 47lbs lost)= Finally buy my first Full length Mirror

25lbs lost (total of 57 lost) = A 2nd LV bag or a trip to Europe (Italy, Spain, Portugal, Poland, Czech Republic, Sweden, Denmark, Holland)

30lbs (total of 57lbs lost)= TBD

Other Information:

Read More About HOTJEM - Profile Information moved here. (Updated June 17)

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